大象传媒

Can we stop talking shit about our vaginas please?

Cartoon of woman looking into her underwear with magnifying glass and saying, "You're so ugly."
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Vagina surgery, vagina make-up, vagina memes... What the hell is going on?

Contains adult themes听

There鈥檚 an episode of听Sex and the Cityin which Charlotte reveals that she鈥檚 never looked at her vagina, and Samantha immediately sends her off to the toilets with a hand mirror. When I watched this episode aged 15, it made a great impression on me.

I couldn鈥檛 escape bucolic Dorset and date my way around Manhattan like Carrie and the girls, but I could get to know my vagina. Locking myself in the bathroom, I propped one leg on the loo, while holding a big mirror underneath me. I expected to revel in my womanly self. I did not expect to scream.

鈥榃hat was that?鈥櫶齀 remember thinking, spotting the dark hair sprouting out from my pale skin. 鈥業 have Einstein pubes!鈥 Worse than that, though, were my lips: they looked vast and baggy, puckered and purple. 鈥業t looks like something from an anti-smoking campaign,鈥櫶齀 thought.

I was frightened I鈥檇 done something wrong: had my vulva been 鈥榥eat and tidy鈥 before I started masturbating? All I could think was how听ugly听I looked, and how rubbish I was going to be at 鈥榖eing a woman鈥. That鈥檚 when I started crying.

Back then, it felt like I was the only person to ever freak out about the way my body looked. I鈥檝e since discovered that, sadly,听it鈥檚 now 鈥榥ormal' for听young women to be unhappy with the way their bodies look.听

The consequences can be serious. In January, the charity Jo鈥檚 Cervical Cancer Trust found that听one in three women avoid going for a smear test听because they鈥檙e embarrassed about the appearance of their vulva and vagina. Cervical cancer is the most common cancer in women under 35. Let鈥檚 think about this: the shame we鈥檙e conditioned to feel around our bodies could actually听kill听us.

The beauty industry both reflects and feeds this trend. There鈥檚 been a proliferation of vagina beauty products, from听highlighting creams听to听glitter tablets.听Medical experts听say that these products aren鈥檛 even safe, let alone necessary.听Dr Vanessa Mackay, spokesperson for the听Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists,听says: 鈥淚t's a good idea to avoid using cosmetics, perfumed soaps, gels, and antiseptics on the vulva, as these can affect the healthy balance of bacteria and pH levels, and cause irritation."

In my view, manufacturers of such products are just exploiting our insecurities, and seeking to profit from invented problems. Rather than enhancing our physical enjoyment, the focus is entirely aesthetic, reinforcing the damaging idea that looking good for other听people is more important than feeling good.

Of course, it鈥檚 not just women who are subjected to strange or ridiculous aesthetic standards downstairs.听The demand for 鈥榮crotal lifts鈥 for men is increasing, and vlogger Jeffree Starr is pioneering the trend for听鈥榩enis contouring鈥櫶make-up.听

Some experts believe听porn is driving these insecurities, particularly how women feel about their vaginas.听Jasmin, 29, says that she put off going for a smear test because of a comment from her first boyfriend, while they were watching porn together.

鈥淗e saw a woman with asymmetrical labia and said, 鈥極h my God, her vagina is so weird; actually, it looks a bit like yours!鈥" she explained. "He then suggested that I save up for cosmetic surgery. I felt so ashamed and scared of what a doctor might say that I binned my smear test letter for years.

"I mentioned it to my work friend after some drinks, and she encouraged me to make an appointment. They ended up finding some abnormal cells. If my boyfriend hadn鈥檛 made that comment, I wouldn鈥檛 have thought twice about going for my smear. But I put myself in a situation where I could have died 鈥 all because I was embarrassed.鈥

Mainstream porn has a very specific aesthetic, in which the 鈥榩erfect鈥 vulva and vagina is neat and self-contained. But, actually, the 'perfect porn vagina' is a myth even in porn itself. In many cases, the performers鈥 genitalia varies wildly.

Joanna Angel, a听37-year-old porn performer and director, told me: 鈥淚 was incredibly insecure about my vagina, because the only 'porn' I saw growing up was in听Playboy听or听Penthouse听magazine where everything was really photoshopped. Once I got into porn and stripping, I realised, 'Oh, no one鈥檚 vagina actually looks like that! There鈥檚 much more variety!'鈥澨

Emma Soos, managing director of the Women鈥檚 Health Clinic, says this vagina shame is exacerbated by TV shows that sensationalise women鈥檚 bodies, all of them reinforcing the idea that there鈥檚 only one way to look 鈥榞ood'.

鈥淚鈥檝e also seen some awful memes on social media comparing women鈥檚 body parts to baguettes,鈥 said Emma. She鈥檚 right: remember when one Twitter user compared Taylor Swift鈥檚 vagina to a ham sandwich? Although听听the words still fed the self-consciousness of millions of women.

According to the International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, labiaplasty is now the world鈥檚 fastest growing cosmetic procedure. In 2016, the number of surgery听worldwide by 45%.听鈥淲omen are requesting vulva surgery in the belief that their genitalia are abnormal,鈥 said gynaecologist Dr Tania Adib. 鈥淭here is a rigid standard with what is seen as the 鈥榠deal鈥 vulva, but the appearance of a woman鈥檚 vulva actually varies widely.鈥

Nina Brochmann and Ellen Stokken Dahl are sexual health educators. While researching their forthcoming book,听The Wonder Down Under,听they spoke to a number of women who were thinking about undergoing labiaplasty. 鈥淚n our experience, women with normal, healthy genitals are considering or having intimate surgery because they听think听there鈥檚 something wrong with them,鈥 said Ellen.

They believe we need to be better informed about our anatomies. 鈥淲hen we learn about puberty at school, we see how the penis grows and changes, but no one really educates us about how female genitals develop or change,鈥 said Nina.

鈥淲e鈥檝e met a lot of women who feel abnormal because they have a vulva that looks nothing like the illustrations in an anatomy book. But, unlike those illustrations, it鈥檚 normal for the inner labia of adult women to protrude way beyond their outer labia, and for the inner labia to be full of crinkles and folds.鈥 She described it as, 鈥渓ike a princess dress made of tulle鈥. That description might not be enough to transform the way we feel about our vaginas, but it鈥檚 a brilliant start.

For me, the biggest mental shift came after a conversation with someone who had a breast augmentation. She loved the way she looked, but she regretted the surgery - because her breasts weren鈥檛 as sensitive as they used to be. A switch flipped in my head. Who had actually benefited from this surgery? It was a much-needed reminder that the way we feel is more important than how we look.

Ellen agrees. 鈥淭he inner labia have a sexual function: they鈥檙e full of nerve endings and it feels good to touch them. When the labia is cut in cosmetic surgery, you鈥檙e removing a sensitive and important part of yourself."

My vagina feels good, and that鈥檚 what sex is about: feeling good.听Ultimately, the world makes it hard for us women to love our bodies. Just talking about our vaginas is difficult 鈥 but they are wonderful. No two are the same, and there鈥檚 no such thing as a good one or a bad one.

Every vagina is awesome, and the more we say it out loud, the easier it is to start believing it.听

Go here for further resources and advice on sexual and bodily health.听

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