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We’re like a normal couple – except he’ll always have this shadow hanging over him

House-hunting always comes with challenges, right? One bed or two? Are the bills included? And, of course, the location. But, for my boyfriend and I, it was on a whole new level, because we had to find somewhere very specific.

He’s on probation, convicted nearly nine years ago, when he was 18, of and one count of , more commonly known as statutory rape of a child older than 12 but younger than 16. The probation means that any flat or house we live in can’t be within 1000ft of anywhere children congregate – obvious places like a park or a school, but even a bus stop. He has to wear an electronic tag, which will track his movements until he’s 30 (he’s 26 now), and he can’t be outdoors later than 10pm.

Chris is a registered sex offender. His crime was having sex with his 14-year-old girlfriend when he was 18. I love him and have been in a relationship with him for four years. We met in May 2013 at my local church, the United Methodist Church of Pahokee, Florida. My mum’s the minister there, and it was actually Mum who introduced us. Two young people who might be friends, she thought. She knew about his conviction, and told me about it at the very beginning.

I’d just come home from my third year at college in Tallahassee, Florida, about six and a half hours from Pahokee, to visit for the summer. I was 21 years old, studying political science and preparing to go on a Christian mission trip to South East Asia. Chris was attending our church and was about to become the drummer in the church band. Mum announced my trip in church, and Chris asked me about it afterwards. I remember him asking, “Can I get your number, I wanna know more about the trip”. Then he started to text me, and it progressed from there.

My story is part of a new ����ý Three documentary about the unusual town of Miracle Village. It’s a former sugar cane plantation village, which is now inhabited almost exclusively by sex offenders. It was named ‘Miracle Village’ in 2009 by a minster called Dick Witherow. You see, here in Florida, it's not just Chris who can’t live within 1000ft of ‘where children congregate’ it's anyone who has��been convicted of sex offences.

People convicted have their names go on a publicly available register for life, and neighbours are often informed of where they live with bright red signs declaring the offender’s name and crime at the end of their driveway, right next to the post box. Some offenders end up living on the streets. Others choose to go to Miracle Village, which specifically houses paedophiles and sex offenders. There are around 100 sex offenders there. Chris had been living there for three months when I met him. Now, we live in a flat together in West Palm Beach, almost an hour’s drive east of Pahokee.

When any two people begin dating, the question of your past relationships will come up. Chris explained his crime to me, that he and his girlfriend had been together for four months, and he says he had no idea she was underage. They were on a night out when a police officer asked them both for their IDs. Chris says that was when he found out her age, and he was arrested. Some of the other men in Miracle Village have committed crimes against very young children, aged just four or five. There are also repeat offenders who abused positions of power, such as a sports coaches or teachers.

Chris’ crime was very different, but he doesn’t deny he’s done something wrong. He says he would have ended their relationship immediately if he’d known his girlfriend was only 14. He totally accepts that a 19-year-old being with a 14-year-old is wrong. When Mum began her ministry in a church in Pahokee a few years ago, offenders were welcomed. She believes that all people who want to worship God are welcome in church. That meant I met a lot of convicted offenders while I was growing up. So when Chris came around, he was just another guy at the church.

There are so many things I love about Chris. The thing that first made me feel like, ‘this could be something more’, is that he was so confident in himself, and the fact that he didn’t shy away from his past and was so open with me about it. He could admit that he was at fault, and fully accepts his conviction. He didn’t try to brush it under a rug or act like it didn’t matter or wasn’t a vital part of his life. But he won’t let it define who he is, either.

When we met, Chris was on community control, which is basically house arrest. He could only go out for things like trips to the grocery store, attending church, or work. I had to go over to his house to hang out with him. Chris’ probation means he can’t leave Palm Beach County without prior approval from his probation officer, and he has to be at home between 10pm and 6am.

Dinner dates or movie nights are out of the question. And as I explained above, we can’t go anywhere where a lot of children congregate, like swimming pools or sports grounds. We’re still able to do things as a couple, and we find joy in those moments instead of focusing on the things we can’t do. We come home from work – me in a bank and Chris as a driver for a car parts company – and we cook and watch TV. But searching for a home was a challenge. Some of the places I found weren’t within 1000ft of anywhere children might congregate, but we were refused anyway - as soon as the landlord did background checks and saw Chris’s conviction.

Often we’d just say ‘no thanks’ when landlords asked for the background check, as we knew we’d be refused. Eventually, we found a place and asked the landlord about whether she’d need background checks. She said it depended on what the crime was. I knew we had to explain it upfront. It was quite daunting, but we explained everything. Thankfully, she gave us a chance, and now we live together in that flat. We talk about the future. In any other circumstances, I’d expect an engagement now after four years, and living together. But, the reality is that neither one of us wants to be engaged while Chris is on probation. We don’t want to have to be home for a 10pm curfew on our wedding night, or the night of our engagement party.

The probation ends in December 2021, so there’s going to have to be some waiting. Chris’ past is something that’s always going to stay with our relationship. I don’t think it’s my place to forgive him for his crime - I wasn’t a part of his life then and I only know the facts on a page and from his perspective.

What I can say for certain is who Chris is today. He has shown me nothing but respect. We’re able to be open with each other, and Chris hasn’t given me any reason to doubt him or not trust him. But what he did will stay with Chris for the rest of his life - there for anyone and everyone to judge.

Stacey Dooley Investigates: Second Chance Sex Offenders is on ����ý iPlayer.��

If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article there is information and support available.

As told to Jenny Stallard

Originally published 26 January 2018.

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