As a parent, it can be difficult to identify bullying as it's happening, before deciding what to do next.
Star parents Harry Judd and TV presenter Konnie Huq discuss their own experiences of bullying in school, how to spot the signs of bullying and ways to approach the subject with your child.
Read on for more top tips on recognising bullying as a parent from the Anti-Bullying Alliance鈥
Presenter Konnie Huq and McFly's Harry Judd discuss their experiences of bullying in school and as parents
Harry (00:00:00:00):I think it鈥檚 important to remember that you know your child best.
Konnie (00:00:02:23):Yeah.
Harry (00:00:03:04):And that a parent鈥檚 gut instinct is often quite powerful.
Intro
Konnie (00:00:10:24):So when you were having a hard time at school, were there any signs your parents would鈥檝e picked up on?
Harry (00:00:15:10):My brother was a couple of years above me, and he noticed that I wasn鈥檛 hanging out in the same groups.
Konnie (00:00:20:09):Yeah.
Harry (00:00:21:02):So he used to ask me, but I instantly just was like, nah, it鈥檚 fine.I don鈥檛 like them anyway.
Konnie (00:00:26:03):Yeah.
Harry (00:00:26:14):I remember really experiencing that sort of feeling of anxiety and feeling low about it and,The main emotion I felt was shame, I felt quite like ashamed and embarrassed.
Konnie (00:00:37:05):Yeah.And often, that is one of the signs to look out for,if your child has suddenly become sort of more quiet, more introverted,as you mentioned, if their friendship group has changedor they鈥檙e not hanging out with their friends as much.
Harry (00:00:51:05):These things could be really difficult to spot.You shouldn鈥檛 be beating yourself up if you don鈥檛 necessarily spot everything.Do your kids use devices, internet?
Konnie (00:01:00:03):You know what? I do worry about when they were in secondary school,because although they鈥檙e sort of on tablets now and then at home,the real scary thing to me is when they鈥檙e 鈥alking to school on their own,they鈥檝e got their own mobile phone.
Harry (00:01:13:22):Do you have friends who have kids in secondary school?And if they don鈥檛 have a phone, then they get teased.
Konnie (00:01:18:19):Yeah.
Harry (00:01:18:24):If they don鈥檛 have a TikTok account or this, then they get teased.
Konnie (00:01:21:24):Really? Oh no!
Harry (00:01:22:21):Yeah. So it鈥檚 really about how online bullying can be harder to spot,but one good thing to look out for is changes in behaviour.So, if your child has stopped using a certain app, or if they鈥檙e reacting in an anxious way to a notification going off,because yeah, it can be a lot more difficultto spot.
Konnie (00:01:40:04):I mean, the thing about online bullying in people have anonymity.If there鈥檚 a photo of you wearing some outfit or whatever,(Indistinct chatter)It鈥檚 just, it鈥檚 kind of horrible isn鈥檛 it?
Harry (00:01:52:18):Yeah, really horrible.You know, like you can have a load of positive comments,And one negative one and then, that鈥檚 the one you focus on.
Konnie (00:01:59:23):Yes.
Harry (00:02:00:06):And yeah, I don鈥檛 know why I do it to myself and like,Just look at the comments, I鈥檓 like鈥h!
Konnie (00:02:03:18):Ouch!
Harry (00:02:05:19):For me, it鈥檚 more about helping your child to navigate their way through it.So hopefully, they feel comfortable enough to communicate with you whatThey鈥檙e going through. But, it鈥檚 about how to give them the strength to navigate their way through it.But I think it鈥檚 important to remember that you know your child best,and that a parent鈥檚 gut instinct is often a quite powerful thing.
Konnie (00:02:27:07):Obviously, the best outcome is that your child will tell you and talk to you.But if not, it鈥檚 always good to know what to look out for.
You might have a feeling that your child is being bullied or is bullying someone else but aren鈥檛 sure what to do next - to establish this, it鈥檚 important to define the word 鈥榖耻濒濒测颈苍驳鈥. We spoke to Martha Evans, Director at Anti-Bullying Alliance, to get her expert insight and advice鈥
What is bullying?
鈥淏ullying is the repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. It can happen face-to-face or online.鈥
"The term 鈥榖耻濒濒测颈苍驳鈥 can often be misidentified and applied to something that isn't bullying."
"It's really important that we allow children to have a row. Rows are an important part of learning and growing. We should allow children the space to learn how to communicate with each other when they don鈥檛 get on," explains Martha.
"However, bullying is not a one-off incident, it takes place over a long time. Children who experience bullying can end up missing school, have poor wellbeing and even experience depression. We know from research that the impact of bullying can last well into adulthood.鈥
10 signs to look out for
- Changes in usual behaviour
- Falling out with their usual friendship group
- Reluctance to go to school or skipping classes
- Becoming more introverted or withdrawn
- Acting out at home or fighting more with siblings
- Torn clothes, missing items or missing money
- Unexplained bruises, cuts or marks
- Trouble sleeping or bed-wetting
- Significantly more or significantly less time spent on their phone or other devices
- Unexplained stomach aches or illnesses that occur around certain times like mornings before school or just before PE lessons
What if your child is involved in bullying someone else?
鈥淥ur research has shown that children who bully often have poorer wellbeing than children who are being bullied鈥 explains Martha. 鈥淭herefore, we know that if a child is bullying, there are reasons behind it and often those reasons are very unhappy.鈥
Here's Martha advice on approaching your child if you suspect they are involved in bullying鈥
1. Try not to accuse them
It鈥檚 important to have an open conversation without accusations. Accusing a child straight away may cause them to clam up. Even though you may think they deserve a telling off, it鈥檚 important to hear them out first.
2. Find out the root cause
You may feel angry or embarrassed but it鈥檚 best to talk to your child to find out why they are bullying another student. Did they feel peer pressure? Are they seeing negative content online? Do they have low self esteem or poor wellbeing themselves, as research suggests they might? If so, why? It鈥檚 important to establish the facts in order to move forward.
3. Be a role model at home
Help your child understand what bullying is, why it鈥檚 wrong and how it can impact people by encouraging the use of respectful language and positive actions at home. Talking about how we should treat each other is also important.
Whether your child is being bullied or doing the bullying themselves, it can be easy for parents to blame themselves.
Remember to take time for yourself and talk to friends and family if you need support. For more resources on bullying look below鈥
If you notice your child is showing signs of serious distress like anxiety or depression, make an appointment with their GP.
For more information about Cyberbullying, head over to
C大象传媒 have made some animations on the things your child can control around bullying - they're here on 大象传媒 iPlayer.
Martha Evans is Director of the
Anti-Bullying Week takes place from the 13 to 17 November and is organised by鈥
in England and Wales
in Scotland
in Northern Ireland
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