Children aren鈥檛 the only ones who make new friends at school - alliances and friendships can be formed between parents at the school gates as they drop off and pick up the kids.
大象传媒 Bitesize Parents' Toolkit asked 30 parents from around the UK, our parent panel, for their thoughts on making friends with other parents, school conflicts and the dreaded school group chat鈥
Real friends or acquaintances?
Some of the parents on our panel have made good friendships with other parents, like Jack from Glasgow, who finds it easy to chat to the other parents as he鈥檚 known a lot of them since his child was in nursery, and Michelle from Manchester, who 蝉补测蝉鈥
"My relationship with other parents at school is really good, I always try to make sure I chat to all the parents in my daughter鈥檚 class whether it be just saying hallo of a morning or sharing info about class trips or homework."
However, Ian feels differently about the relationships he鈥檚 made at the school gates: "I鈥檓 not sure I鈥檇 call them friendships no - acquaintances maybe. None of them would be anyone I鈥檇 be likely to keep in touch with if/when my daughter wasn鈥檛 at school with their child."
And there鈥檚 Matthew, who says he has formed a friendship with one of his children鈥檚 friend鈥檚 parents but he doesn鈥檛 feel it will outlast the school years.
How do you make friends?
Others would like to try and get to know their fellow parents better, but have found it hard because they haven鈥檛 much time in the morning.
"I like to try and make friends with other parents at school but it is quite difficult as we are usually in a hurry rushing to work," says Michael from London whose child goes to primary school. And parents like Tara, who is unsure how to start a friendship with other parents鈥
"I am a very shy, not very confident person, so there was a period of time where I would be stood alone because I just didn't know how to start up a conversation."
Lauren works at her children鈥檚 school and has found that this has made it harder for her to socialise with the other parents, as she's busy during drop off and pick up. When she does get to have a chat, Lauren often worries about belonging to the Mum groups, which she feels can be cliquey.
Social media can be a good way to keep in touch with other parents, if you don鈥檛 have much time during or after the school run. Mum-of-two Sherlene, from the West Midlands, found this after her job made it difficult for her to make relationships at the school鈥
"As a full-time working mother, it has been difficult meeting parents in the playground, as my children attend breakfast club and after-school club. Social media platforms has made it easier to communicate with other parents. Tik Tok allows me to see what other families do and grasp them without having a conversation."
For parents of children with additional needs, like Chris, making parent friendships at school can be a challenge: "We have to enter the building though the staff car park to reach the disabled ramp, so don't see the other parents."
A few parents on our panel explain that the school gate isn鈥檛 where they鈥檝e made friends, it鈥檚 at their child鈥檚 extracurricular events and clubs.
"My son has helped me find new friends at his jujitsu club. I speak to a few of the mums and dads there and there鈥檚 a Christmas party we go to every year which is nice! I think it would carry on if he was to leave his club, as we have all known each other for years now and their kids and my son have become lifelong friends!鈥欌 said Lindsay from Liverpool.
And Sherlene agreed with this as she has found that she shares more similarities with the parents at her children鈥檚 extracurricular activities and church group.
Navigating conflict
Our panel have lots of different views on how conflict between children can affect parental relationships. Both Richard and Vicky have found that many parents don鈥檛 like to believe their child could be in the wrong - leading to further conflict. Vicky 蝉补测蝉鈥
"One mother, who has a daughter who can be quite mean and not very well behaved, has fallen out with some mothers because she refuses to believe her daughter could do that. You have to know when to pick your battles and the most important thing was to support my daughter to deal with it in school."
Different families have different rules for their children. Alison has found this with her teenager鈥檚 friends鈥 parents鈥
"Sleepovers, letting under-18s drink alcohol (I don't but other parents do), unsupervised parties (this is for age 16+). Not really difficulties, but when a boy invited my son to see a 15 certificate film at the cinema as part of a party, I rang up his dad and said I was really old-fashioned and didn't let my son watch '15s' as he wasn't 15. The dad was fine about my lad just coming to the party after the cinema."
Group chats
Many schools use group chats so that parents can keep in touch with the other parents in their children鈥檚 class. Some parents find the group chat a useful tool, like Jermaine from Manchester who 蝉补测蝉鈥
"I am in a [group chat] for both my children which makes it really easy to remember important dates."
However a lot of parents didn鈥檛 feel the same way - like Ian鈥
"I often find school [group chats] difficult because often stupid questions get posted that you could easily find out by going on the school website: term dates etc. I find it easier not to engage with the group."
And Lauren has found that some parents are too quick to jump on the group chat when there鈥檚 an issue between their kids鈥
"I did have a difficult situation once - a mother accusing my son of something on a group chat with all the parents of that classroom on. I remember feeling really embarrassed and angry, as I felt humiliated that she decided to put it on a group chat instead of approaching me privately. I dealt with this by phoning immediately to sort the situation out."
Whether you like to meet new friends at the school gate, or prefer to keep acquaintances as acquaintances, it's important to remember that you probably have more in common with many of the other parents than you realise. Everyone is just trying to get the children to school on time and get through the day!
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