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Parenting isn鈥檛 easy and navigating a healthy yet effective parenting relationship, whilst meeting the needs of your child, can be a challenge.

For single parents, or those who aren鈥檛 cohabiting, it can be challenging establishing the right support networks to help you parent, or even having the right access to support.

Actor and presenter Gemma Atkinson and her partner, Strictly Come Dancing professional Gorka Marquez, have their three-year-old Mia, and another on the way. They spoke to Parents鈥 Toolkit about their experience as parents so far, how they share tasks as a couple and their advice on how to navigate the world of parenting.

Gemma and Gorka reflect on their parenting journey

'Tag team parenting'

Gemma and Gorka firmly believe in 鈥榯ag team鈥 parenting; working together as parents and taking turns with house-hold chores and parenting responsibilities.

Whether that鈥檚 making the bed in the morning or making breakfast, Gemma and Gorka tell us they don鈥檛 necessarily designate tasks to each other in the house, which works for them.

They stress the importance of flexibility and open communication when parenting, especially for Gemma, as Gorka 鈥渋sn鈥檛 home that often鈥 due to the demands of his dancing career. Gemma told us when Gorka isn鈥檛 away touring, it鈥檚 important he does as much as he can in the house and as a parent to Mia.

For them, not only does this reduce chances of arguments and dispute, but makes it a nicer environment for their daughter, Mia, to be in. "The last thing we want Mia to be around [is us arguing]."

However, this 鈥榯ag team鈥 technique might not work for all parents. Working together to meet parental responsibilities equally, requires strong communication between two parents.

Communication 鈥 Finding a way that works for you

We spoke to Ammanda Major, Sex and Relationship Therapist and the Head of Service and Clinical Practice at , about 鈥榯ag team鈥 parenting and communication.

She said that, fundamentally, 鈥測ou must use communication and negotiation, in order to decipher who is going to do what, whilst allowing that bit of leeway for when one parent isn鈥檛 at their best鈥. Especially as many couples have a split agenda on what sharing responsibilities actually means, due to their upbringing.

According to Ammanda, the key to good communication between parents, is being interested in what your partner thinks.

鈥淭ry and be as interested in your partner as you hope they will be in you.鈥

Of course, this may be challenging; 鈥淓veryone鈥檚 parenting relationship is different. Some parents may not live together or be together, therefore find a way of communicating that works for you, even if it is over the phone, as long as you are recognising that it is something you simply must do as parents, for your child.鈥

Regarding 鈥榯ag team鈥 parenting, Ammanda adds that negotiation is key, to establish a healthy amount of give and take - and a sense of fair play.

But, how do two parents decide who does what in the house, especially if 鈥榯ag-teaming鈥 doesn鈥檛 come naturally to them?

Ammanda says: "Ask yourself 鈥 do [I] think, that, broadly speaking, the bit I'm doing is fair enough, in terms of quantity? Or am I thinking 鈥榓ctually how come this always falls to me?鈥"

"In healthy parenting relationships, you may have to do more than your partner or other parent, for all sorts of reasons. But hopefully, when you're under a lot of pressure, your partner or the other parent, will pick up the slack. It鈥檚 how you negotiate that give and take."

Two parents have a serious conversation on the sofa

Communication when co-parenting or separated

For those parents who are separated, consistency in communication between two parents may be even more difficult. Ammanda tells us that you must always try to put your child鈥檚 welfare first and that 鈥渙pportunities for dissing your partner when you separate are enormous. But do try and avoid that because it is unhelpful and quite damaging to children a lot of the time, as your child needs to be able to love both parents, and they may feel like you are dissing that parent within them.鈥

Most importantly, give a consistent message to your child.

"Children can spot a gap in consistency from a million miles away."

For instance, be clear and consistent about which parent your child is going to spend time with each weekend, or if both parents are to attend parents evening. Whilst arrangements like shared calendars are useful, good communication is the priority to avoid muddled plans, which can be confusing for the children involved.

Single parents who are unable to share their parenting responsibilities with another parent or family, often turn to social media. Whilst there are a lot of websites and accounts with genuinely useful parenting advice, Ammanda tells us that there can also be a disconnect between what parents see online and what they feel they can achieve in reality.

Support networks are vital for any parent and Parents鈥 Toolkit has explored the ways you can create a network for you and your child, alongside other wellbeing advice, such as managing loneliness as a single parent.

Phases of parenting

As well as 鈥榯ag teaming鈥, Gemma talks about parenting 鈥榩hases鈥. For example, the sleepless nights when their daughter was teething, or the feeling of 鈥榟aving to have eyes all over your body鈥 when their daughter Mia, was learning to walk. Gemma advises parents to see their experiences as phases, 鈥榓nd know that you will come out of it the other end鈥.

Similarly, Ammanda stresses the importance of normalising mistakes; 鈥淒on't compare yourself to others because you're probably doing the very best that you can do in sometimes very fraught and difficult circumstances."

"Another important thing to instil in the child that you are doing your best, but you might make mistakes. And that鈥檚 a good message to give to your child, because you just have to learn from your mistakes and try not to do it again, rather than pursuing perfection all the time."

"Yet, we see it in a lot of parents that have grown up in a very competitive family, where you had to be perfect to get any sort of affection or acknowledgement, consequently, bringing that into their own parenting."

And if you are two parents in a relationship, Ammanda talks about the importance of recognising your partner鈥檚 parenting, throughout the joys and difficulties of the job, remaining kind to yourself and 鈥渢aking time to congratulate how well you have done鈥.

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