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By Dr Sheila Redfern, Consultant Clinical Psychologist

How do you explain upsetting news to children?

Be it natural disasters, the death of a public figure, violent crime or war - to your child? Do you need to?

Many parents will ask themselves these questions, not knowing what to do for the best. Should they cover everything up and tell them it’s all going to be fine or should they be fully open and honest about the situation?

1. Reassure, but don't lie

Young people have access to a huge amount of news information, particularly in this age of social media, and will probably already be well aware of the details surrounding certain news events - from the Russian invasion of Ukraine, to the death of a public figure or celebrity.

It is important to help children process these events, but in a way that doesn’t overwhelm them.

There is no benefit to a child of any age to pretend that these negative, often traumatic, events in the news are not real. However, it is important to put these events into the context of the rest of the child’s life. If they are anxious about implications in their own life, some reassurance about how removed these events actually are, in contrast to how news or social media outlets might be representing it, will be helpful.

2. Encourage compassion

Whilst it is important to reassure children that events might not have a direct effect on their own lives, it is equally important to encourage children to show compassion for others in a different circumstance to their own.

This is an important part of supporting them in their emotional development and will help them to feel connected to others.

If your child’s friend or classmate is distressed by a headline, maybe the death of a public figure or celebrity, you might also encourage them to show compassion by being kind, understanding and available to talk during school.

3. Manage your own emotional response

It might not always seem apparent, but children do take cues from their parents and carers.

If we are constantly watching the news, anxiously scrolling our phones for the latest bulletins, and referring to an event all the time, they will immediately pick up on this and their anxiety will escalate.

Talk to your friends and adult family members when you need to manage your own feelings, to model calm and normality around your child as much as possible. When they see you coping normally, it’s highly likely they will follow suit.

If you are having a strong grief reaction to a news event, it is important to make sure that these feelings are managed in an appropriate way.

For example, if you are particularly upset about a death in the news because you too have had a recent significant bereavement, then it will be important to explain this to your child so they can understand what the feelings are about.

If the anxiety is more about your own mortality, it might be best to keep this fear away from children. Instead, manage it separately with other adult family members or friends.

4. Keep normal routines going

After any traumatic event, it is important that children and young people return to a normal routine as quickly as possible. It is no different if you are hearing about something, rather than directly experiencing it, and you should try to make sure that your child doesn’t stop doing anything they would normally do.

So, whether it’s going to a swimming club, meeting up with friends, or just keeping to normal routines around getting up in the morning and mealtimes, these should continue.

5. Keep a sense of control

Children may want to do something to make their views about world events known to others. This can help to instil a sense of control over the situation and their feelings, which is useful to managing any growing anxiety.

It will also help them to connect with other people who share the same feelings about a conflict, disaster, or a bereavement.

Some of the most helpful ways to instil a sense of control over the situation include encouraging young people to talk to their friends and family about their feelings. Or they can channel their concern into a piece of community action, such as helping a neighbour who is unable to get out of the house, donating clothes, or volunteering at the local food bank.

6. Maintain stability at home

In the wake of a disastrous headline, the world can feel uncontrollable and hard to make sense of.

Without making it too obvious, take time to instil the feeling that home is a safe environment where they are not under threat. Nothing has changed at home, in school or in their immediate environment. Life goes on as normal, as far as you and they are concerned. Try hard not to catastrophise about the future, as the ambiguity of ‘anything could happen next’ will send their anxiety soaring through the roof.

The topic of death is always going to feel extremely difficult for children, but if it is explained in a straightforward and non-frightening way, children can accept the facts and incorporate them into a narrative about their lives.

7. Fact check and check back in

Your child may come to you with all kinds of ‘facts’ which they have picked up through social media and conversations with their friends at school. They might quote these to you, without it being obvious that part of what they want to do is check whether you think they are true. Try asking, ‘Where did you hear that?’ and ‘Tell me a bit more about that’, rather than saying simply, ‘That’s not true’.

Depending on the impact these ‘facts’ have – and this will partly depend on their age – also try going back to them a few days later. Ask if they are still thinking about it, or if they want to know anything more.

8. Don't worry if they seem unconcerned

Many young people will be engaged in conversations about world events and will be worrying about them. Others will simply be more interested in their position in the next football match or their forthcoming exams, and this is fine.

Don’t force a conversation or try to get them to engage in concerns about these events, if it isn’t something they want to think about or discuss. Let their response and interest levels guide you.

We hope these practical tips will help you to keep communication and connection going with your child or teenager through challenging times.

If you have any doubt at all about whether you have done or have said the wrong thing, it’s best to be honest about it. Perhaps say something like, ‘Actually, it’s scary, isn’t it – when we don’t know what’s going to happen? I’m not certain either.’ But reassure them that you can support each other through this.

It can be hugely helpful during difficult times if we, as parents and carers, can model how best to live with uncertainty – while also showing the capacity to name and talk about complex feelings.

Dr Sheila Redfern is a Consultant Clinical Psychologist at the

Further help and resources:

The ����ý Headroom campaign has links to lots of helpful content around mental health. You can also visit the website for more advice.

The NHS offers advice for parents around difficult times .

King's College London/the Maudsley charity have some great animated resources with celebrity voices as part of their .

For helplines and information on other mental health services, look at ����ý Action Line.

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