ý

Key points about relationships and family

A photo of three people; a couple on the left with heads bowed in prayer face a Buddhist monk on the right during a wedding blessing.
Image caption,
A Buddhist marriage blessing.
  • explain that suffering is caused by craving and can be lessened by living according to the Buddha’s Noble Eightfold Path.
  • Buddhism has a long tradition of . However, most Buddhists live in couples or families, married or unmarried.
  • Buddhism does not involve the worship of a creator or God who blesses or requires marriage. Therefore, Buddhist marriage is often seen as a legal agreement between partners, instead of a religious duty. However, many Buddhists may see their marriage as a significant social and spiritual life event.
  • Buddhist tradition recognises sex as a part of human life. The Buddha taught of the need to avoid causing harm, whether in same, or opposite sex relationships.
A photo of three people; a couple on the left with heads bowed in prayer face a Buddhist monk on the right during a wedding blessing.
Image caption,
A Buddhist marriage blessing.
Remember

Remember

The Four Noble Truths are one of the most important teachings of . They consist of the following teachings:

  1. Life can never be perfect. It always involves some suffering (dukkha).

  2. The cause of suffering is desire (samudaya).

  3. It is possible to end suffering (nirodha).

  4. The way to end suffering is by following the Noble Eightfold Path.

These teachings can be applied in all areas of life, including family and relationships.

Back to top

The nature and purpose of the Buddhist family

A mother and child making an offering to a boy monk at a temple in Thailand.
Image caption,
A mother and child making an offering to a boy monk at a temple in Thailand.

Buddhism has a long tradition of encouraging . This is because the life of a nun or monk, free of sex and family responsibilities, may provide the best conditions for practising the Buddha’s teachings. However, most Buddhists live in couples or families, married or unmarried.

Buddhist families vary according to the customs of the country they live in, and include , extended families and same-sex parents, as well as couples without children.

The Five Moral Precepts and the Noble Eightfold Path are important guides for the Buddhist family and other areas of life.

A mother and child making an offering to a boy monk at a temple in Thailand.
Image caption,
A mother and child making an offering to a boy monk at a temple in Thailand.

The early Buddhist scriptures teach that husbands and wives should respect and honour, show love and trust, and remain faithful to each other.

They also teach that parents should practise the of loving-kindness, compassion, and when raising their children.

Some Buddhist parents educate their children about the teachings of the Buddha, including how to meditate. Other parents prefer to let their children decide for themselves, later in life, as to whether they want to live by the Buddha’s teachings.

The Four Sublime States

The Four Sublime States: 1. A heart. Metta. Loving kindness, ‘Developing an attitude of perfect love towards all others’, 2. A woman facing a man with her hand on his shoulder. Karuna. Compassion, ‘The response of loving kindness to suffering’, 3. A person smiling. Mudita. Sumpathetic joy, ‘Being glad about others’ happiness’, 4. A woman sat on a mat with her legs crossed. Upekkha. Equanimity, ‘To maintain a balanced, even attitude of mind in all situations’.

There is guidance on how parents should raise their children in the, which states that a parent’s role includes:

…restraining you from wrongdoing, guiding you towards good actions, training you in a profession, supporting the choice of a suitable spouse.”

Sigalovada Sutta (31:28)

The Sigalovada Sutta also includes guidance on how to live a skilful life, including encouraging children to respect and support their parents:

I will support them who supported me; I will do my duty to them.”

Sigalovada Sutta (31:28)

GCSE exam-style question

Explain why Buddhists might believe that the family is important.

You should refer to sources of wisdom and authority in your answer.

Exam top tip


Exam top tip


For your exam, it is important to know the definitions of key terms.

Take our quiz below to test your knowledge.

Back to top

Relationships and families key terms quiz

Back to top

Marriage in Buddhism

A newly married couple in Malaysia visiting a Buddhist temple. The couple are wearing wedding clothes.
Image caption,
A newly married couple in Malaysia visiting a Buddhist temple.

The nature and purpose of marriage

The Buddhist tradition often sees marriage as a legal agreement between partners. It is not a religious duty.

Buddhists generally follow the marriage laws and customs of their country. It is common to visit a temple or have a ceremony there, after the legal ceremony has taken place.

The offers guidance on how a couple should treat each other. The Five Moral Precepts also offer guidance in this area of life.

A newly married couple in Malaysia visiting a Buddhist temple. The couple are wearing wedding clothes.
Image caption,
A newly married couple in Malaysia visiting a Buddhist temple.

The Sigalovada Sutta gives instructions on how men should treat their wives:

In five ways should a wife… be respected by a husband: by honouring, not disrespecting, being faithful, sharing authority, and by giving gifts."

Digha Nikaya 31 (Sigalovada Sutta)

There are also instructions on how a wife should behave in a marriage:

The wife so respected, reciprocates… in five ways: by being well-organized, being kindly disposed to the in-laws and household workers, being faithful, looking after the household goods, and being skilful and diligent in all duties.”

Digha Nikaya 31 (Sigalovada Sutta)

Buddhist wedding ceremonies vary widely across traditions and countries. They usually take place separately from the legal marriage ceremony.

Here is one example from the Theravada tradition:

  • The bride and the groom visit the temple in the morning, with their families. The shrine is decorated with flowers, candles and incense sticks.

  • The couple will recite a series of verses greeting the Buddha and expressing their commitment to following his teachings including the Five Moral Precepts. They may do this in Pali, the language of the earliest Buddhist scriptures, or in their own language.

  • The couple recite traditional vows, quoting from the Sigalovada Sutta, an early scripture in which the Buddha describes how husbands and wives should behave towards each other.

  • Making their vows, the couple are joined together with a scarlet thread and a red paste is applied to their foreheads.

  • The marriage ceremony finishes with all present reciting verses of blessing from the early scriptures.

However, many modern Buddhists would see the duties described as applicable to both partners in a marriage, regardless of their sex.

The Buddha also taught the importance of friendships and that we are deeply interconnected with those around us. Therefore, many Buddhists would consider that relationships between family and friends help to build a healthy and stable society.

A wedding ceremony in Buddhism

Ceremonies for blessing Buddhist marriages vary from tradition to tradition. Some may be created by the couple themselves.

Below is an example of an Asian Buddhist wedding ceremony:

The wedding ceremony consists of a number of different steps: 1. A calendar, ‘The couple get their fortune read to find a lucky wedding date’, 2. A wedding cake, a piece of cake, a person mediating,  ‘Modern elements and older traditions are often combined’, 3. A pavilion, ‘The ceremony is held in a specially built pavilion in the location it is taking place’, 4. A monk sat in front of a bride and groom, ‘A monk is invited to bless the wedding’, 5. A monk, ‘A reading from the Sigalovada Sutta often occurs’, 6. Candles, bowls of food, flowers, ‘Couples will lights or incense and present food and flower to Buddha’, 7. Married couple and monks sat a table, ‘A feast in held to celebrate’.

Polygamy

is illegal in the UK. According to Buddhist teachings: “Being a co-wife is painful,” (Therīgāthā 10:1). Buddhist teachings do not forbid polygamy but suggest, as it could cause suffering, it is not ideal and therefore is not encouraged.

Let him not have a wife in common with another.”

Jātaka 6:546

GCSE exam-style question

Explain why Buddhists might believe that marriage is important.

You should refer to sources of wisdom and authority in your answer.

Back to top

Divorce and remarriage

Divorce in Buddhism

Buddhists tend to believe that if couple is unable to live in peace and harmony with each another, it is preferable for the marriage to be dissolved, thus avoiding further for them and their children.

But most Buddhists would consider that divorce should not be entered into lightly. For example:

A man (the Dalai Lama) holds up two hands in a prayer position whilst looking forwards.
Image caption,
The 14th Dalai Lama: The Dalai Lama is the most senior leader and teacher in Tibetan Buddhism.
Too many people in the West have given up on marriage. They don't understand that it is about developing a mutual admiration of someone, deep respect and trust, and awareness of another human's needs…The new easy-come, easy-go relationships give us more freedom – but less contentment…"

The Dalai Lama

A man (the Dalai Lama) holds up two hands in a prayer position whilst looking forwards.
Image caption,
The 14th Dalai Lama: The Dalai Lama is the most senior leader and teacher in Tibetan Buddhism.

Remarriage in Buddhism

Most Buddhists would see remarriage as an opportunity for a new relationship that provides support and happiness.

I believe that at every level of society, the key to a happier and more successful world is the growth of compassion. Just as compassion is the wish that all sentient beings be free of suffering, loving-kindness is the wish that all may enjoy happiness.”

The Dalai Lama

Through the the Buddha taught that the mind of a Buddhist should focus on the ideal qualities of and . Most Buddhists would consider it important to have karuna for those whose relationships have broken down, and to be glad for those who find happiness in a new close relationship.

Back to top

In pictures: Families, relationships and marriage in Buddhism

Image gallerySkip image gallerySlide 1 of 5, A photo of three people; a couple on the left with heads bowed in prayer face a Buddhist monk on the right during a wedding blessing., Although a Buddhist wedding is not a religious event, it is common in some Buddhist traditions for a monk, nun or other leader to bless the marriage after a legal ceremony has taken place.
Remember



Remember

There are two main divisions of Buddhism.

Find out more about Theravada Buddhism and Mahayana Buddhism.

Back to top

What does Buddhism teach about same-sex marriage?

A Buddhist wedding ceremony with two women in the foreground and a Buddhist monk officiating.
Image caption,
In Taiwan's first same-sex Buddhist wedding, Huang Mei-yu (R) and her partner Yu Ya-ting exchange gifts.

Many Buddhists would make little distinction between and relationships, although this will vary, depending on the cultural views of where they live.

For many Buddhists, it is the ethical quality of the relationship, rather than the gender of the partners, that determines whether or not a relationship is ethical or not.

Homosexuality is neither right nor wrong. It is just something that people do.”

Ven. Master Hsing Yun (Chinese Buddhist teacher)

A Buddhist wedding ceremony with two women in the foreground and a Buddhist monk officiating.
Image caption,
In Taiwan's first same-sex Buddhist wedding, Huang Mei-yu (R) and her partner Yu Ya-ting exchange gifts.

GCSE exam-style question

Explain two Buddhist attitudes to same-sex relationships.

In your answer, refer to traditional texts or Buddhist teachings.

Back to top

Sex before marriage and cohabitation

Many Buddhists believe sex outside of marriage is acceptable and do not consider marriage necessary. It would be important to them to avoid unskilful sexual behaviour, for example, behaviour which causes suffering because it is selfish, greedy or dishonest. Such behaviour would be a breach of the Five Moral Precepts.

However, other Buddhists may consider unmarried sexual relationships as unskilful and a breach of the .

Many Buddhist monks and nuns choose a life of celibacy. This is so they can live free from the attachment of sexual desire and intimate relationships and have more time and energy for meditation, study and reflection.

However, there is a great deal of variation across the Buddhist world, for example, in the Zen tradition, which is part of Mahayana Buddhism, priests are often married.

Adultery

Most Buddhists would consider to be a breach of the Third Moral Precept because of the dishonesty and craving which is usually involved, and the suffering it causes to all those involved. This would also apply to unfaithfulness in relationships where couples are not married.

Not to be contented with one's own wife, and to be seen with harlots and the wives of others – this is a cause of one's downfall."

Parabhava Sutta

Contraception

Most Buddhists today would consider the use of contraception as a responsible method of limiting family size and preventing unwanted pregnancies.

Some Buddhists believe that rebirth takes place at conception, therefore disagree with some contraceptive methods, as they see these as breaking the .

Video

Watch the video below to compare Buddhist, Christian and Jewish attitudes and teachings towards procreation.

GCSE exam-style question

Explain why Buddhists might believe that the use of contraception is acceptable.

You should refer to sources of wisdom and authority in your answer.

Back to top

The roles of men and women

Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo sat in a room, reading a book, surrounded by multiple stacks of books.
Image caption,
Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo is a British Buddhist nun who spent 12 years meditating and studying in a cave in the Himalayas. She has spent her life supporting Buddhist women, especially nuns in Asia.

taught that men and women were equally capable of developing the compassion and wisdom of and the early scriptures record him teaching both genders, whether monastic or .

However, there are many examples of inequality within Buddhism. For example, in some Buddhist traditions women are ordained to a lower level than monks.

Some Buddhist teachers, such as Ajahn Brahm, a Theravadin monk in Australia, have broken with tradition by ordaining women to the same level as men.

Other leaders have created new traditions without monks or nuns, such as Sangharakshita, founder of the Triratna Buddhist Order. Members of this Order all have the same ordination, regardless of gender, and whether they are in sexual relationships or choose to be celibate.

Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo sat in a room, reading a book, surrounded by multiple stacks of books.
Image caption,
Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo is a British Buddhist nun who spent 12 years meditating and studying in a cave in the Himalayas. She has spent her life supporting Buddhist women, especially nuns in Asia.

GCSE exam-style question

Explain why Buddhists might believe that there should be gender equality.

Refer to sacred writings or another source of religious belief and teachings in your answer.

Back to top

Test your knowledge on Buddhism

Back to top

Relationships and families Buddhism quotes

Image gallerySkip image gallerySlide 1 of 5, “I will support them who supported me.” Sigalovada Sutta 31:28,
Back to top