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Screen time is a fact of life – for children and parents. Two thirds of children aged five to fifteen now go online via a laptop, tablet or smartphone, and seven out of ten play video games online. So, as a parent, how do you decide how much screen time is appropriate for your child? How do you navigate making the internet a safer place for your child?

����ý Bitesize Parents’ Toolkit has spoken to a UK-wide panel of parents about everything screen-related – from online homework, to messaging friends, to playing games like Fortnite and Minecraft. How do parents feel about screens and the benefits and challenges they present in parenting? Do they monitor or limit screen time?

Every family has their own attitude towards technology and screen time…

However, there were some universal themes: things have changed significantly since parents themselves were kids; technology has its uses, both for educational purposes and as a source of entertainment, but there’s some guilt attached to giving children screens so parents can get stuff done; and parents themselves feel that they probably spend too much time using screens!

There’s also a huge variety in attitudes to screen time limits, with some like Jonathan, father of two, not setting rules, except no phones at dinner or bedtime, and others like Shoeb setting a limit of an hour a day during the week and a couple of hours at the weekend.

What are the benefits and challenges of screens in parenting?

"It’s an easy way to pass time if you need to get something done." - Lola

There’s a general acceptance of the need for screens as a part of modern life, even if there is some reluctance. Many parents, like Kylie, whose daughter is autistic, say screens were very useful during the Covid-19 lockdowns.

“Technology helped us hugely during Covid when kids could not access school. Our daughter was able to have lessons and see her friends, which kept her routine in place.”

Screens also allow parents to work from home and be more present in their child's life. And parents like Kaushika, who loves introducing her daughter to her favourite childhood movies, say there can be family bonding when using screens together.

“We love gaming as a family… My husband and I used to love consoles growing up and it’s great to share that hobby with our daughter.”

But others, like Renee, believe it can also force families apart: “Me being on my phone, or the kids watching their own programmes separately, can make us be apart while being present.”

Parents say screens can sometimes be a point of tension, especially if they’re used excessively or past bedtime. There can be tantrums getting children off screens and, for some, like Mark, whose daughters are seven and eight, they can sometimes be disruptive on family trips.

“We took them on the most amazing holiday last summer to Florida… Every morning for two weeks my eldest child would scream, argue and get upset because we had to go out and do things… All she kept thinking about was when she could go on her tablet even though she was in Disneyland.”

Some parents feel guilty about using screens more during the winter, when it’s harder to get outside, or when they’re on their own with the kids.

But other parents, like Lola, who has a blended family, are pragmatic: “If we have no childcare, and I’m having to work from home, then we definitely use screens more! It’s an easy way to pass time if you need to get something done. If we’re going on a long journey then I definitely ask the children to make sure their devices are charged.”

How have things changed since they were young?

Most parents didn’t grow up around technology as much as their children have, but, like Claudia, who lives in Scotland, are willing to embrace it: “I feel that technology has improved so much from when I was a child and has made things easier.”

There’s a sense from other parents like Kylie, however, that children are missing out on a ‘real’ childhood experience, by being so attached to screens for their entertainment.

“I grew up spending most of my time outside playing and getting dirty. This generation is totally different in that they wouldn't know what to do when outside, they have less imagination and only have eyes for their technology devices.”

How do parents monitor and limit screen time?

"I hear a lot of ‘five more minutes please’ …and I can be a sucker for it.” - Renee

Parents are divided in their approach to screen limits. Restrictions are more likely to be in place for parents with primary age children, whereas older children or teenagers often have more discretion over how much they use screens.

Some use parental website blockers and device timers, like Chris…

“We set rules. We agree on a time limit and then they have to put an alarm on the device to go off when time is up.”

And others, like Renee, are more fluid in their approach…

“I don’t really limit screen time but we have a set bedtime and other things have to be done first. I hear a lot of ‘five more minutes please’ …and I can be a sucker for it.”

Dave, who has a 14-year-old daughter, agrees, as long as screen time isn’t interfering with other aspects of life…

“There’s no hard or fast rule, more that such activities should not intrude, interrupt or negatively impact upon other demands or activities by making you late or not ready.”

Many parents, like Sarah, who has three children, admit that imposing limits can be a challenge.

“Oh, how hard is this? When Ruby first had her phone and Chromebook, I had apps which meant I could limit use and have parental control. As she got older she sussed these things out and would uninstall them on my phone.”

Graham, who lives in the Midlands, says he has a simple solution for imposing limits: “The threat of not having the iPad tomorrow is enough to resolve any issues.”

And Sarah Louise has another wish for screen time limits…

“I wish I could put restrictions on my husband's screen time. I feel he spends more time with his phone than me. But it makes me laugh as when I try calling him, he never answers!”

What about online safety?

Again, parents had mixed approaches, with online safety being the main focus for some - like Jonathan, who has “security and monitoring around checking of devices is in place” – and not mentioned as much by others.

Richard, who likes to game with his children, admits to struggling with the scale of the task.

“I find the amount of online content and influences slightly overwhelming, so it’s so important that this time is restricted and managed to ensure the online safety of children. Not just from an inappropriate content point of view, but also from a brainwashing and addiction perspective.”

There were concerns over content seen on social media, particularly for parents of secondary age children. Many, like Dave, also believe their children’s use of screens affects their mood and behaviour, and can make them more absent.

“Tech allows better communication methods, but also less meaningful communication at times. It brings us together and can be divisive in equal measure.”

This Safer Internet Day, are encouraging children to focus on the ways technology can bring them together. Treating others with respect and kindness through the screen is an important part of this and is something many parents want to nurture.

Children also had some inventive ways of getting around the rules…

Chris asks his children to charge their phones outside their rooms at night: “A couple of weeks ago, my eldest took his phone out of his case and put his case on the landing, putting the charging wire into the case so it looked like he had put his phone in the hallway. Genius…”

Les once cut his youngest daughter’s data and broadband connection, but it didn’t last long: “Rather comically… she found a workaround tethering from my eldest daughter!”

It can be challenging to negotiate internet safety for your children when they seem to have new tips and tricks every time. However, changing attitudes and educating yourself and your child is a great start.

Some parents, like Sarah, have come up with methods to get their kids off their screens and spending quality time together.

“I've recently created ‘our time Fridays’ where we go out for food, to the cinema or have a pizza and movie at home, with a strict rule of no (handheld) screens around. This has been great.”

What are some alternatives to screen time?

Shona Goodall is a clinical psychologist with a focus on parenting.

In this film, she offers practical solutions to help ease the guilt a lot of parents feel when they think their children are having too much screen time…

Screen time can of course be a positive learning experience – the newly launched CBeebies Little Learners app can help 2–4-year-olds have fun as they learn through games, videos and their favourite CBeebies characters. It’s free to download with no adverts or in-app purchases and children can play offline, wherever they are.

Films from ����ý Own It to share with your child to help them stay safe and happy online

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