����ý

We’ve all been there. You’ve lovingly prepared a home-cooked meal for your family and your child refuses to eat it. You get frustrated, your child becomes more determined not to eat, and it leads to stress for everyone.

But what lies behind your child’s refusal to eat, and what can you do about it? Read on for tips on reducing pressure and having more fun at family mealtimes.

Having a child who refuses to eat certain foods, or try new foods, can be frustrating and worrying as a parent, but it’s a common stage of development for many children, and usually nothing to worry about long term.

A recent study that appeared in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry suggested that 'fussy eating' tendencies had more to do with genetics than parenting styles.

Children with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) such as autism can sometimes experience sensory difficulties when it comes to food. You can read our article about eating happily with autistic children for more tips on how to help them.

Many parents still use the phrases ‘fussy’ or ‘picky’ eating, however dietitians, clinicians and parents whose children have difficulties with food are now trying to find alternative labels for this, because it doesn’t cover the broad range of reasons why someone may refuse food. A lot of young children don’t like tasting new and unfamiliar foods – this is called food neophobia. Some children may have a negative association with eating because they’ve experienced an illness, an allergy or some sort of pain or discomfort after eating. And some children may be sensitive to certain sensations such as smell, touch and taste.

Mum Elaine, who was part of a Parents' Toolkit focus group on children’s eating habits, says: “I think “fussy’ is not a good word to use in my situation. My children won’t eat certain foods due to texture or hypersensitivity to smell – they have no control over this.”

The NHS website says: “Do not worry about what your child eats in a day or if they do not eat everything at mealtimes. It's more helpful to think about what they eat over a week.” If your child is active, they seem well and they’re growing appropriately, then they're likely to be getting enough to eat.

The NHS advises trying to feed your child food from the four main food groups:

• Fruit and vegetables.
• Potatoes, bread, rice and pasta.
• Dairy or dairy alternatives.
• Beans, pulses, fish, eggs and meat.

Some children are learning to understand boundaries and look for patterns – for example they may regularly refuse to eat a meal to see if we will offer an alternative instead. These patterns can develop into a habit that stays with them into later life. If they feel pressured to stay at the table until they’ve finished their meal, they may take a negative association with family mealtimes into their adulthood.

Use the strategies below around creating a positive mealtime environment to make preparing and eating food an enjoyable experience for your child. Try to avoid reward or punishment phrases like ‘If you eat all this up you can have a treat afterwards’ or ‘If you don’t eat your meal, you won’t get pudding’. Encourage your child to understand their own hunger and fullness cues too, by eating until they’re full, rather than using phrases like ‘you need to eat everything on your plate’. Habits can be hard to break, especially patterns of speech we heard when we were young. Start small and build, and celebrate the small wins. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

At some point if you start pushing him and pushing and pushing, you may get the opposite effect, that he gets upset, he doesn’t want to eat. – Danilo, father of Daniel

Clinical psychologist Dr Danielle Grey from The Purple House Clinic in Birmingham says: “Fostering a healthy relationship with food is important and will help children have a positive relationship with food as they make the transition to adolescence and adulthood.” This means thinking about how our children feel when we talk about food and when they eat with us, and trying to create a relaxed, fun atmosphere at the dinner table.

Getting your child to eat at mealtimes can be challenging. Here are some practical suggestions to encourage them (please note that if your child has ARFID then these may not be appropriate):

• Establish a routine: Serve meals at the same times every day to create a sense of predictability.
• Minimise distractions: Turn off the TV and put away toys and electronic devices to help your child focus on eating.
• Make mealtimes enjoyable: Keep the atmosphere relaxed and positive. Avoid pressuring your child to eat, which can create anxiety.

• Involve your child in food preparation: Let them help with simple tasks like washing vegetables, stirring or setting the table. This can make them more interested in the food.
• Offer choices: Give your child some control by offering a choice between two options.

• Model healthy eating: Eat a variety of foods yourself. Children often mimic the eating habits of adults.
• Avoid bribes: Instead of using sweets as rewards for eating, offer praise and encouragement.

• Follow the 15 top tips below for ways to introduce new foods gradually.

• Make fun shapes: Cut fruits and vegetables into fun shapes or arrange them into a smiley face on the plate.
• Dips and sauces: Offer dips like hummus or yoghurt to make vegetables more appealing.
• Play Food Bingo activities: Download our free and templates and play with the whole family to get inspiration and see who can call bingo first!

A buffet style of serving meals involves setting up a variety of food items in a central location where family members can serve themselves. This method is commonly used in large gatherings, but it can also be adapted for family meals at home, especially to encourage children to try new foods.

Buffet-style meals empower choice – children can choose what they want to eat, giving them a sense of control over their meal. Kids also learn to serve themselves, promoting independence and self-confidence. With a variety of options available, children feel less pressured to eat specific foods and can explore new tastes at their own pace. This style of meal also promotes variety. Exposure to different foods in a single meal increases the likelihood of children trying something new. And it creates a fun and interactive mealtime experience for the whole family.

Children usually make up for not eating at the next meal or snack time. It's important not to give something else if they refuse the food provided, as that can lead to habits like regularly expecting alternative meal options.

Use our to list the foods your child likes and include something your child is familiar with and you know they like or will eat, at each meal. Then, plan a meal together with them using the Meal Plan table, where you can write out the ingredients needed for each meal to create a weekly shopping list.

One way to avoid food waste is to bring the meal to the table in separate dishes, and encourage your child to fill their plate themselves with the amount they want, allowing them to get more if they would like. Try to cook things which can be eaten cold or reheated the next day for lunch or dinner to reduce food waste.

Remember, mealtimes can be stressful and sometimes tensions can run high. If your child does refuse to eat, try to stay calm. If you know you find mealtimes with your child stressful, try things like deep breathing, counting to ten, or taking a short break whilst you calm down.

Five ways to manage your wellbeing as a parent

Where possible, give your child attention for behaviour you want to see, so they’ll behave this way more often. Give lots of praise, smiles and encouragement when your child shows interest in their food, if they respond to this positive feedback.

Try some of these ideas to gradually introduce new foods to your child, and make mealtimes more enjoyable as a family.

1. Multiple exposures: Keep adding the new item, like a piece of broccoli, onto their plate. It can take multiple tries for a child to accept a new food. Don't give up if they reject it the first few times.
2. Mix new with loved: Serve new foods alongside familiar and favourite foods to make them less intimidating.
3. Tiny tastes: Offer very small portions of new foods. A bite-sized piece is less daunting and easier to manage.
4. Slow introduction: Introduce new foods one at a time so your child isn’t overwhelmed.
5. No pressure: Encourage tasting without forcing them to eat more than they’re comfortable with. The less pressure they feel, the more likely they are to try new foods. Try and keep mealtimes relaxed and stress-free.
6. Season and flavour: Enhance new foods with flavours your child likes, such as adding a bit of cheese, butter or their favourite seasoning.
7. Dips and sauces: Offer dips or sauces alongside new foods to make them more appealing.
8. Positive attitude: Keep a positive attitude about trying new foods. Avoid showing frustration or disappointment if they refuse.

9. No force: Avoid forcing or bribing your child to eat new foods, as this can create negative associations.
10. Give it time: Allow some time between introducing new foods, to give your child a chance to adjust.
11. Positive reinforcement: Praise them for trying new foods, even if they don’t like them at first.
12. Food stories: Tell fun stories about the new food or where it comes from to spark interest.
13. Food games: Use games to make trying new foods fun, like a taste test challenge or blindfolded tasting game.
14. Respect preferences: Understand that it’s normal for children to have strong preferences and that tastes can change over time.
15. Serve meals buffet style: Buffets are a great way for your child to feel more in control.

Try some of these recipes for ‘fussy eaters’ which include some hidden vegetables and flexible options.

Tiny Happy People has more tips for parents on how to get your 'fussy eaters' eating.

If you’re concerned with your child's limited diet then it’s always worth discussing this with your GP.

Advice and expertise across our Happy Family Eating content was provided by children’s dietitian Angharad Banner - an independent and NHS dietitian.