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Golding uses a number of techniques to create interest for the reader. He creates a sense of mystery and also one of foreboding, both of which encourage the reader to read on to find out more.

This contrast is one of several in the extract. The boy is wearing school uniform, and is ‘Home Counties’ which is incongruous in comparison to the exotic ‘lagoon’ and ‘jungle’ location. This is emphasised by how unsuitable his clothing is – he is too hot even when he has taken his sweater off, because he is in a ‘bath of heat’. This contrast is highlighted by the details of the colour: while the boy is ‘grey’, his surroundings are a source of bright colour, like the bird which is a ‘vision of red and yellow’.

The bird is also part of the creation of a sense of foreboding. It has ‘a witch-like cry’; the connotations of this simile suggest danger and evil. This is also seen in the ‘long scar’ which is ‘smashed into the jungle’. The word ‘scar’ is associated with wounds, and hurt. Like the boys, it is also out of place in relation to the jungle surroundings, and the word smashed suggests some violence. Again, we do not know the source of the scar: the reader expects that this, like the identity of the boys, will be explained in time.

The sense of mystery, created by the juxtaposition of the very ordinary boy and the exotic location, and by the structuring of information in the extract, combined with the sense of foreboding, mainly created by the effects of language, makes for an intriguing passage to start the novel.

Feedback - Even better

• This answer has a clear structure: it has an introduction and a conclusion, and the points in the middle are linked but distinct. It is still short – in an exam you would have a much longer passage and a much longer answer.
• It uses technical vocabulary like 'simile', 'juxtaposition', 'foreboding' and 'incongruous' to explain how effects are created, and it weaves these terms into the argument, rather than stating ‘this is a simile’.
• Each point is supported by detailed quotation, and developed with reference to other details
• The effect on the reader is explored implicitly, signalled by words like ‘intriguing’ and ‘sense of mystery’.
• The points are not based around the techniques, but around the effects, which enables more sophisticated analysis.
• The answer is fluently written with confident use of spelling, punctuation and grammar.