Makeda: This shop is super cool. Die Laden ist super sch枚n!
Rapper: Der Laden ist super sch枚n! We have three genders: masculine, feminine and neuter, so like neutral. In German every single object, thing or person has one. And if it's a group, plural, we've got a special one for that too.
Makeda: So in German, things have gender? What, like everything?
Rapper: Pretty much.
Makeda: But what, I've got to look up every single one?
Rapper: Uh yes.
Makeda: What?!
Rapper: But there are some clues.
Makeda: Oooh. Okay. Ich bin ein M盲dchen It's got a '-chen' at the end, so I know it has to be neuter, even though I'm a girl. Got it. But what about feminine and masculine?
Rapper: Well, they've got some clues too. There's the masculine, 'ling' or 'ig-mus', and the feminine, 'heit-ung-keit-schaft-tion-ei'.
Makeda: Okay! The radiator: die Heizung. It's got '-ung' at the end, so it's got to be feminine! Du hast eine Heizung.
Rapper: Ganz genau!
Makeda: B盲ckerei, bakery. It's got an '-ei' at the end, so I know it's got to be feminine!
Rapper: Die B盲ckerei ist wunderbar. The bakery is wonderful, yes!
Makeda: The table is small. Der Tisch ist klein. Ich sehe ein Tisch. What? Why?! What's wrong with 'Ich sehe ein Tisch?!'
Rapper: Something strange happens when masculine words aren't doing the action, but are the object of the action. They still want to stand out, so they change their ending. And in German, whoever does the action in the sentence, they are number one.
Makeda: What? Even if the thing doing the action is a donkey? Or a fridge?
Rapper: Uh, even then, yes. Anyway! So in your sentence, 'Ich sehe einen Tisch,' 'I see a table,' who is doing the action?
Makeda: I am.
Rapper: Richtig! Du machst das! You're doing the seeing. So in that sentence, you're number one. And the table, well, that's the thing you're doing the action to, so it's your number two. You're doing the action, you're number one. It's the thing you're doing the action to that is your number two.
Makeda: So 'ein Tisch' is when it's number one in the sentence, but 'einen Tisch' is when it's number two. Ich sehe einen Tisch. What about a shoe? Der Schuh. Masculine. Der Schuh ist schwarz. The shoe is black. It's number one. But if I say, 'I have a shoe' that will change. Ich habe einen Schuh.
Rapper: Du hast einen Schuh, ganz genau!
Makeda: Hey, wait a second, though. Those were all masculine. What about feminine and neuter? And the plural?
Rapper: Well, they're pretty easy. They don't change when they're number two.
Makeda: What, not at all?
Rapper: Nope, they don't change. Sie 盲ndern sich nicht. So like, 'die Katze', right? It's feminine. 'Die Katze ist su脽', the cat is cute. 'Eine Katze ist su脽', a cat is cute. It's the one doing the action, it's being cute, it's number one. But if I say 'I have a cat', I have it, I'm Mr Number One, and the cat is my number two, but it stays as 'eine'.
Makeda: Ich habe einen Cousin. Der Cousin ist nett. Du hast eine Schlange.
Rapper: Haha.
Makeda: Die Schlange ist gef盲hrlich. Du hast ein Album Das Album ist neu. Flash! Winning!