Title: Going to the pictures
by Ali from Surrey | in writing, non-fiction
Here's a list of things I hate. Expensive prices, people that would need a dictionary if you uttered the word 'deodorant', uncomfortable seating, babies crying loudly when you need to hear something important, any form of discomfort whatsoever, cinema seating, people telling you to be quiet just because they have a hearing problem.
And you get all of these when you and a couple of mates decide to go to the good old pictures to watch the latest film. I've never understood the fascination of going to see a film just to make yourself cry or embarrass yourself when you get scared witless and have to hide under the seat. To me, I really don't see the point. Just wait a couple of months and get it on DVD.
Of course, I'm picking out the bad points. Being a very critical person myself, I sometimes just condemn things just because I can. There are many advantages to going to the cinema. For guys unsure of where to take a girl on their first date, it's perfect. All you have to do is choose some really soppy romantic movie and she'll be in tears so quickly, you can get your arm around her within minutes. To me, that's a win-win situation. The girl gets to watch a good film and the guy gets his first hug, possibly leading onto greater things later.
Another thing that the cinema is good for is that you can shovel enormous amounts of popcorn down your throat and wash it all down with at least a litre of fizzy drink. Maybe it's some sort of potion that makes you forget the annoying people around you. If so, I want some for bus journeys. Even better, there is a foolproof excuse that gives you a reason for your subsequent gross obesity. And it is that it's 'traditional' and 'a trip to the cinema wouldn't be complete without it.' Added with the fact you're sitting down and doing nothing for two or three hours, it's extraordinary that we all don't walk around looking like gigantic space hoppers. Taking this into account, it's surprising the lack of fat people at the cinema. Maybe they're all stuck at home finding out the joys of daytime TV.
Cinema sound is great. It's really loud and no-one complains. I constantly am asked to turn the volume down when watching TV, usually when it's a program that only I like, for example Family Guy, but that doesn't stop the females of the household turning X Factor up exceedingly loud. You can't please some people. Back to good old cinema sound, you can only just hear the conversation and speech but the big explosions and sound effects are loud enough to cause you hearing problems. This explains the lack of old people. They'd rather stay at home, safe in the fact that they can watch Antiques Roadshow and Countdown with the volume where they want it. Come on, you don't want it too loud or you might be blown off your dated sofa.
Besides some of its irritating factors, some films are just worth watching and worth that discomfort. A good comedy or a fast-paced action thriller type film can keep your mind off the awkward environment you're in, in which you cough once and everyone get's annoyed at you. I wouldn't go just for the pain. That's way too emo.
OK, I admit it, I do enjoy the cinema, it's a place where you can get indigestion from excess amounts of sugar and still enjoy yourself. It's the easy option for a first date and the greatest excuse to go and put on a couple of pounds (or stone, depending on how frequently you visit). Basically, I've just contradicted everything I said at the beginning. Oh well, I do it all the time anyway!
A piece of prose about my views of the cinema
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