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Lisa has nearly finished school. She is a top student, her whole life ahead of her. But there is one setback. Ricky.
'He's coming over!' I quickly applied a slick of lip gloss and gave him my (what I like to think) sexy smile. He invited me for a cup of coffee and that was the start of a relationship I never wanted to end. We were inseparable, never apart. It caused me pain when I had to leave every night to go home. No matter how many times he kissed me, how many times he touched my skin; it still sent shocks of joy through my body.
It was a Thursday night and we were departing when he said it. He said IT. 'I love you'. I'm not sure how much time passed before I managed to reply 'I love you too'. Now it was especially hard to part myself from him. It was as if we had become one. A whole. I managed to tear myself away from him and headed to my bedroom. I couldn't sleep that night; I just kept repeating those words never getting tired of them, never wearing them out.
I must've fallen asleep because next thing I knew my alarm clock was ringing. I turned it off and went down stairs to get some breakfast. It was unusually quit when I went to the kitchen, Mum and Dad sat at the kitchen table. 'What's up Mum you look real pale'. She motioned for me to sit down. Feeling confused I slid down into the seat across from them. I couldn't help thinking they were going to tell me I'm going to have a new little brother or sister.
'It's Ricky, he's...' and she burst into tears. 'What is it? What's happened?' I shouted now stood up. 'There was an accident he didn't make it' I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I keeled over. 'NO! It must be a mistake he can't be...' My voice broke I couldn't bring myself to say that word. I felt like part of me had been taking away, ripped from me. I was no longer me. I was part just a body. I could feel the pain, the anger, the heartache but most of all I felt numb. I could feel the same without Ricky in my life. He was my life.
The next few weeks were a blur. School finished and I had nothing to do with myself. Everything I did reminded me of him and it really did hurt. I didn't bother washing my hair or even getting dressed. I couldn't face the world on my own so I stopped leaving my room. I couldn't people constantly asking if I was ok. I couldn't hack it.
I'd read about people who cut themselves, saying it relieves the pain. I never thought about it before but it suddenly seems like what I need. I got my nail scissors and cut the top of my arm. All the feeling of distress drained away. I felt better, as if the pain of the cut had numbed my mental pain. It wasn't enough to satisfy me. As the weeks went by I was doing it three or four times each day. It was becoming an addiction.
I wore jumpers to hide my scars. No one could know. I know what they'd do to me. They'd lock me away, say I was crazy. I'm not crazy at all this is just my way of dealing with things.
I decided to go outside. I felt like I needed to go to our place, our special place, the cliff overlooking the sea. As I was getting dressed Mum walked in with a glass of water. When she saw me she gasped. 'What have you done to yourself?' she started crying. 'It's none of your business Mum!' I ran out the door and down the hill, I didn't stop till I reached a cliff. Our cliff. I looked out across the ocean and the waves smashing into the rocks and I knew. I knew what I wanted all along. To be with Ricky. I took a deep breath, and jumped.