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I was walking through the park
About half past three
And in the corner of my eye
What did I see?

A goose on his lonesome
Looking shy
He seemed regretful
And I don't know why

So in my curiosity
I stopped to enquire
Why poor old goosey
Was not a high flyer

At first he turned his head
And looked away
Then he turned it back
And decided to say

I'm a regretful goose
Never been out on the loose
Never been subject to alcohol abuse
Feel like hanging myself from a noose
I'm just an old and regretful goose

So I took the little bird
By his wing
Told him not worry
About a thing

I booked some strippers
And I bought some drugs
And took old goosey
Down to the pub

One week later
When he woke up in jail
I had to go
And pay his bloody bail

He was filled with joy
And not dismay
He looked at me
And then he started to say

I am no longer a regretful goose
I've now been out on the loose
Been subject to alcohol and drug abuse
Think I had a fight with a guy called Bruce
I don't feel like a regretful goose