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Harry Potter paced up and down, jiggling his toe. His very good friend, Mary Sue Horse, had arranged to meet him here in a cage on an island. "I have something young to tell you," she had said.

Mary Sue Horse was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Harry Potter expected to see her bounce up, her funny hair streaming behind her and her fat eyes aglow.

Harry Potter heard footsteps, but they seemed rather cheeky for a delicate and rude girl like Mary Sue Horse, whose tread was happy. He turned around and found Ron weasley staring at him.

"What are you doing here?" Ron weasley said quickly. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."

Harry Potter had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so bubbly. "Mary Sue Horse asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Ron weasley, his finger began to throb slowly.

"Oh," Ron weasley said, kooky. "I'll just go then."

"Wait," Harry Potter said and caught Ron weasley by his skull. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes," Ron weasley said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like a catfish coughing up a soaking fur ball.

From behind an egg, Mary Sue Horse watched with an excited light in her sorry eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Harry Potter/Ron weasley". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the dolphin from extinction.