Title: ""Izzy Orts""
by Rachel from Scotland | in writing, fiction
Sam sat at the bar and looked around himself. The happiness and air of success around the place sickened him. He didn't know why he was here; he hadn't been in Izzy Orts in so long. Sam guessed that he had been pulled to the place to find the piece of himself that he'd lost. It had been a bad idea, all he'd succeeded in doing was reminding himself of what a cynical fool he was now and what a naïve fool he had been then.
It was funny to think that as a young man he had fallen in love with Izzy Orts and now he despised the place. 'Love' was the right word to describe what his feelings had been for the place when he had first stepped into it. Izzy Orts had seemed mysterious and magical, its customers beautiful and interesting. Sam as a bus driver had felt suitably out classed by the dancers, the actors, the writers and the musicians who surrounded him. The bar had seemed like another world to him, a world full of dreams and possibilities. A world he never wanted to leave.
After that first night Sam had returned every day for the following weeks, every time he entered Izzy Orts he forgot about his worries, his job and who he was, he was just another interesting and sophisticated customer. He had lived his life for the precious hours spent in the bar. He was completely and utterly infatuated with the place, its bright lights, its colours, its music but most of all the way it made him feel. Being in Izzy Orts made him feel alive, as though his life before had simply been a prologue before he had truly found himself. He loved the essence of the bar, its suaveness and its seductive smells, the sharpness of the alcohol mixed with the musty scents its customers favoured.
He rarely spoke during the hours he spent in the bar- there was no need to. He enjoyed watching the people in the bar but he knew that if he joined in their conversations his inferiority would be discovered and he would no longer feel that he had the privilege to act as one of them. There were times when he felt like a fraud as though he, a boring and unintelligent man had no right to be in a bar so magical. But the moment he stepped into Izzy Orts those thoughts vanished.
As Sam spent more time in the bar his love for Izzy Orts was shared with his love for Rosa. She was a singer in the band who played at the bar. From the moment he'd seen her he'd felt something, nothing he could put his finger on but definitely something. The more he'd seen Rosa the more that 'something' had grown into love. She was the epitome of everything that he wanted to be: beautiful, intelligent, Interesting, creative and most of all she was magical. Every night he sat at the bar and watched her. Sam felt completely consumed by her, she was everything, she was all that mattered in the world and she didn't even know his name. He felt as though he was sub-human when he wasn't in Izzy Orts and couldn't see Rosa, she made him human. Without her he was transparent, being around her coloured him in and returned his emotions. He wanted to hold her, he needed her to know who he was but most of all he needed her to love him in return.
One night Sam couldn't stand his feelings and his aching for Rosa no more. He had to speak to her, he had to tell her. It was as if he was conquering a monster in making this decision. He had no idea of what to do, he hadn't ever even spoken to anyone properly at Izzy Orts let alone confess his love for someone whom he was so inferior to. His heart pounded inside his chest, so fast and so powerful that he was sure it was going to come out of his body. Somehow he managed to stand up. His legs felt so weak that he was sure he was going to collapse on them. His walk across the bar towards Rosa felt like his last ever steps. Eventually he reached her but her back was turned to him. Sam's breathing was shallow and his heart was still expanding and contracting with increasing speed and force.
All too soon Rosa turned round and Sam was faced with the predicament of having to say something. He had no idea of what to say, what could he say to her?
'Erm hi'.I'm Sam.' Was all he managed to stammer out.
'Ehhh'.OK then, I'm Rosa.' She replied less than enthusiastically.
'I know.' The words escaped from Sam's lips before he thought about it.
'OK then'I'm off now.' And with that she left.
Sam stared after her as she moved away. He was in shell shock; he couldn't believe what had just happened. What had he done? He'd just ruined it, ruined everything. He didn't deserve her and he didn't deserve to be here, he had absolutely no right to be in this magical place. This was a place for beautiful, interesting and intelligent people'.not for bus drivers. He'd just proved that he wasn't worth it, he wasn't good enough to be here, to be in Izzy Orts.
Sam ran, he ran as far as he could, as far away from Izzy Orts, Rosa and the new world he'd discovered. Tears ran down his face but he didn't notice. All he could think about was the look on Rosa's face, her disgust towards him. He felt so angry, so very angry with himself for getting so involved in a place he didn't belong and a woman he didn't deserve. He was just a fool, a fool who'd got tied up in a magical world he didn't belong to.
And now here he was, back again. And he still didn't deserve to be here, he still didn't belong in this magical world- he never would. He left the bar and went back to his home. He never forgot Izzy Orts or Rosa but he also didn't forget why he despised them- they were too good to be true, too good for him. They were simply out of his reach and he couldn't stand it. He was meant for the mundane world but a glimpse of the magical had prevented him from ever being happy with the simplicity of his own life.
This piece was inspired by a painting called ""Izzy Orts"" by Edward John Burra
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