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ANDY: Hey Jim are you ready for the big match? We've got great tickets.

JIM: Yeah I know. I can't wait.

ANDY: Is Tom on the way?

JIM: Yeah he said he'd meet up with us in 20 minutes. He just said he had to run home and farrow.

ANDY: Sorry he has to what?

JIM: He said he has to farrow and he'd join up with us then.

ANDY: He has to farrow? That means he has to give birth to piglets..

JIM: Maybe that wasn't it. No. I remember now he said he has to do the fandango.

ANDY: (disbelievingly) He has to do a Spanish dance?

JIM: Y-No. Sorry he said he'd be here he just has to be ficiform before he can join us.

ANDY: (Slightly irritated) C'mon what did he say?

JIM: He said ficiform. Definitely.

ANDY: So he has to be shaped like a fig before he can join us?

JIM: (weakly) Yeah.

ANDY: Why would he do that? What did he say?

JIM: No, no sorry. I remember now. He said: 'Look Jim, tell Andy I'll be 20 minutes late. I just have to go home and fimicolous.'

ANDY: He told you that? He has to go home and live in dung?
(Annoyed) What the hell did he tell you? We should be in the stadium now. Can you not remember a 5 minute old conversation?

JIM: Look, it begins with 'f'. He said he has to go home and fffff... he has to ffff.......

ANDY: Put his feet up? Feed his duck? Fix a lightbulb? Fancy a flutter? What!?

JIM: He has to fffff oh God what was it .... ffff

ANDY: (Impatiently) C'mon!

JIM: (Under pressure) fffff, he has to fffff... shower!!

ANDY: (very angry and shouting) Sho.. Shower!? That's the word you couldn't think of. How in the name of Christ does that begin with 'f'? How could you not think of a bloody stupid shower?
What the hell is wrong with you!!?

JIM: (Replies softly as if to a question asked in a very polite manner) Hmmm?