Title: Story: The Girl Walked Alone
by Molly from Staffordshire | in writing, fiction
The girl walked alone through the silent street, ignoring the rain. Nobody had seen her before. Nobody knew her. Where had she come from? She had dark brown hair, hanging loosely over her face. She walked hurriedly but she was not going anywhere. There was nowhere she could go. She had no home. She had no family. She had nothing but the rags that clung to her body.
She sat down on a bench, staring at the ground. Nobody noticed her. She was ignored. Forgotten. Alone.
It rained a lot yesterday and I enjoy writing. We had an English Writing Exam too so I was in that kind of mood where I can describe things really easily.
Comments
Well, let's see - what to say... Yours was the first work I've read on this site, so it was nice to start with one that wasn't riddled with typos and hideous grammar.
I liked that you separated it into two paragraphs instead of leaving a chunk of text. You also used repetition and a retorical question effectively. I wasn't entirely sure about your comma usage in places, but there were no glaring errors. The last few single word sentences had impact - as I'm sure you intended. Perhaps, you could even have made the "alone" a single sentence paragraph for an even more emphatic placement.
Nice work.
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