大象传媒

Lilly Lovelett 20something.

Like other 20 something females out there I芒聙聶ve had some major relationship tests. Having done the teenage whirlwind of what at the time felt like a grown up relationship, painfully drawn out over a five year debacle of highs and lows, only comparable to a Friday night芒聙聶s episode of EastEnders. I am now sitting pretty, melodrama well and truly out of the system Single and ready for something new..... Or am I?!

I find myself in a situation of unknowing, heavily trying to avoid the oh so clich脙漏 and generic question, 芒聙聹where is this going?芒聙聺 (big black hole eat me now) welcome drama once again. I now find myself asking the question:

Are relationships ever grown up?

Whatever that means, and Do 20 something's even have grown up relationships? Am I old before my time, searching for that fairy tale ending when I should be out drinking and binge shagging with copious amounts of possible suitors? I don芒聙聶t know. What I do know is being 20 something and single feels harder than being 15 and a brat.

As I struggle with life芒聙聶s big questions and insecurities all I want is some stability. I often sit pondering what I am going to be when I grow up (I am technically there and should by now have some idea), I worry about not being beautiful enough. I pride myself on being independent. Yet I crave security and commitment in someone that is not there. As the single shackle weighs heavy on my heart I fear loneliness, never finding the one and having a string of failed relationships that puts Jordan AKA Katie Price to shame. I long for the freedom of living on my own, with friends, boyfriend even, rather than cooped up at home with the rentals. Feeling like Repunzal without the luscious thick healthy long hair and more like frazzled dry split ends killed through years of teenage torture color changes and GHD nightmares!

When will I have the money to move, or the job security that will enable the break away from home, having returned with my tail between my legs after the 3 years of university mayhem that so far has provided me with little or nothing apart from a hefty collection of face book photos/albums, an extensive knowledge of 2 for one nights in the capital and a looming student debt? Oh and a 2:1 from a Top Five leading London University there is that I suppose. Me an oooo say a good 45% of the graduate community which in numbers translates to roughly 4.5 million! Nice.

20 something seems set to be a learning experience to say the least. There will be ups and there will be downs but will there be answers?! I芒聙聶m on a mission of self discovery self whatever it is just to see if this really is the sorry case.