大象传媒

Love

Helen of Troy was not won in a facebook poke war. The fight for true love was long and bloody.

Now I芒聙聶m not saying boys today should besiege there love rivals house before leaving a small wooden horse upon their doorstep, jumping out in the middle of the night and slaughtering them in bed.

However, a touch of that old philosophy, to do anything under the sun; move mountains, fight wars or brave terrible ordeals seems a bit lost on today芒聙聶s teens.

My advice; prove your worth to your love interest. Be interesting, be faithful, be adoring but most importantly, be yourself. Girls like a tough guy but don芒聙聶t think they芒聙聶ll be attracted if you bathe in the blood of your enemies.

Chivalry

Gone are the days of chivalric knights of old, galloping across the land to save swooning maidens or the classic Victorian gentleman helping a lady over the muddy puddle.

芒聙聹Manners maketh the man芒聙聺 as the saying goes. Manners are free also. Oh yeah, and the best things in life are free.

So basically show respect and show a bit of chivalry every now and again (this goes for girls as well). It doesn芒聙聶t hurt and shows a level of superior intellect.

I am blotching out the past of terrible sexism and unfairness woman were subjected to in long stretches of history by just choosing chivalry as a topic, but hopefully you get my point.

Gluttony

I recently went to my girlfriend芒聙聶s house for the first time to meet the parents. Her mum had made a gorgeous Sunday dinner; crispy Roast duck, perfect crunchy roast potatoes, delicious gravy and homemade plum sauce. I mean this meal was the stuff of kings.

I hadn芒聙聶t eaten all morning so when my girlfriend and I went out for a picnic, I decided to eat loads, even though I knew I had this meal in the evening. Big mistake.

Thus I had to endure the meal, which was delicious by all accounts, but the very thought of makes me sick. I had to excuse myself many times to refill my water, when really I was trying not to be sick. That is true gluttony. I consider myself to be a fairly mean eater, but really that was plain stupidly. Thankfully my girlfriends mum told me I didn芒聙聶t have to eat it all if I couldn芒聙聶t.

The point of this section is don芒聙聶t be greedy. A relationship relies on honesty and restraint. And to tie in my historical links; if in doubt do as the Romans do. The wealthy would have special slaves stick fingers down their throats between courses to project vomit and empty the stomach. A simple solution to my problem but probably wouldn芒聙聶t have impressed my possible in-laws to see regurgitated chunks of duck splatter the table cloth.

Being the provider

Man up. Stop playing the latest play station game and go wrestle a mammoth. In Neanderthal times, teams of prehistoric men would go hunting through the frozen wastes wearing naught but rags and stare danger, literally in the jaws.

They would become extreme athletes, rippling with bulging muscles, extraordinarily fast and breathtakingly fearlessness. It was this way to ensure survival.

So maybe boys of today should try this ancient technique of being the full-on provider for their family and getting some exercise as well. (Please to not now go out and spear the neighbour芒聙聶s cat. Not cool.)

Romance

Shakespearean love sonnets are some of the most romantic and beautiful pieces of literature of all time. So why should the days of Romeo and Juliet be left in the past? Try and be a bit romantic, be a bit spontaneous and old fashioned (There芒聙聶s no romantic without a 芒聙聹man芒聙聺)

So rather than this:

芒聙聹OI! SHORTY. I give you a wad of cash and ting, and we make out yeah? Brapse芒聙聺

Try this:

芒聙聹I swear by the shimmering stars and gleaming moon that I will love you always, truly, deeply and honestly.芒聙聺

P.S. The girl may think you芒聙聶re a prat. Bear with this system.

Intelligence

People are always saying that exams aren芒聙聶t as hard as they used to be. Now there may well be a fair degree of truth in this. Victorian school boys are never portrayed as wearing the same care-free expressions splashed upon their faces as the teens of today are.

Perhaps a vigorous Victorian education would give modern burnt out brain cells a good, well needed workout?

Intelligence isn芒聙聶t just knowing your maths and science. It芒聙聶s about being apt it social situations, being clever and witty, charming and smart. So give education a go, Victorian style, learn the hard way and reap the rewards.