大象传媒

Another set of blue eyes meet mine across the empty bar.

Of course he knew where to find me. His are wide and questioning, mine are dark, set and defiant, I know. I won芒聙聶t be talked at by a kid. Not about this; it芒聙聶s out of his depth. Out of mine too, but I芒聙聶m not going to admit anything -won芒聙聶t let anything slip again.

It芒聙聶s not that I don芒聙聶t care for the kid, I really do, it芒聙聶s just芒聙娄
I won芒聙聶t talk about it to anyone. Not this. And he mistakes my behaviour for coldness, but its not. Maybe it isn芒聙聶t just that I won芒聙聶t tell him. I 芒聙聯 I can芒聙聶t. I芒聙聶m not ready to tell anyone, not even myself. Because to be honest, I don芒聙聶t know how to answer his question. I don芒聙聶t have the answer he wants; I don芒聙聶t have an answer at all.

He asks again.
芒聙聹Why won芒聙聶t you stay?芒聙聺

I turn away from him slightly, masking my cowardice by pretending to ponder his endless questioning. I really am a coward. I can芒聙聶t even face a child芒聙聶s simple question, let alone do anything to protect those I care most about. I am芒聙娄 I am nothing. I lost everything once, and I can芒聙聶t risk losing this - my second chance. I don芒聙聶t know why the others put up with me;

I芒聙聶m nothing but a burden to them. An intruder who lost his own family so was tagged onto theirs. I spent so long playing pretend and 芒聙聵happy families芒聙聶 that I ran out of lies to hide behind. I don芒聙聶t belong here. I don芒聙聶t belong here at all and they know it and I know it so why is this kid still standing here trying to persuade me to follow some pipe-dream that won芒聙聶t happen anyway芒聙娄

I freeze in my frantic thoughts as the light weight of a hand on my shoulder rouses me from my mind. I look at him and he holds my gaze.
芒聙聹Please, just come back. We all miss you at home, Dad. Come home. Please.芒聙聺

Then he leaves.

I don芒聙聶t notice I芒聙聶m crying until I see the glistening droplets pooling on the bar counter. I only started living when I realised I had something to live for.