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It's true that sometimes, just sometimes, I listen to an up-and-coming artist and my heart is filled with cruel glee as I envision the vicious delight with which I can make myself feel better about my life by being mean about someone else's song. Sometimes I'll even obsessively follow artists I dislike, seeking and destroying everything about them so that when I hear their second single or, err, third album in the case of one act recently, I will have to eat my own words and possibly also my hands or brain or something in attrition. This is expensive on the NHS but the redress of karma ensures that music continues to get better, so you have to thank us, the vindictive no-lifers who rip apart your favourite bands for the wonderful fruits of Good Charlotte's current opus.

That said, you know, we're not all totally bad and neither are our hearts filled entirely with hate and bitterness. No, sometimes we are susceptible to colossal musical crushes, the same as anyone else and sometimes we hear songs or artists which compel us to write their names all over our bags and rant about them to anyone who is unfortunate to stand in our vicinity for longer than three milliseconds. Or, err, I do anyway.

Take Luciana, for instance. My God, she's amazing, isn't she? Look how cool her hair is, for a start and if I could work metallic silver ankle boots like she does, I would probably wear them just to walk to the kitchen for more bitter caffeine soul food, in my pyjamas. I'd probably wear them in bed, in fact or possibly just have them surgically attached to my feet. And oh my, she sure does look awesomely cool jumping around shouting at people and Portobella ruled and that Bodyrox track ruled and basically everything she's ever so much as looked at is the most amazing thing ever, in my book.

Now OK, I hear what you're saying 'but you have a musical crush on her, obviously you think that and that's no reason to gush all over a review' because yeah, it really isn't but then again, you have to consider the fact that everything Luciana has ever so much as looked at musically is completely amazing. Take this song, for instance; previously Supermal had done some of those rubbish throwaway doesn't-really-have-a-tune-which-wouldn't-be-a-problem-if-it-had-anything-else semi-dance songs that get a lot of rotation on freeview music channels but now Luciana's on their track, suddenly it's half Daft Punk, half Republica and basically the exact sort of thing for overheated lazy dancing in a garden somewhere, maybe after slightly too many cocktails.

Everything about it is glamorous and trashy and it sounds not only as though you could take it down the pub with you, but as though you could proceed to your local rubbish nightspot with it and proceed to have the best night ever, before crashing at its house only to do it all again the next night. In other words, it is a Big Summer Anthem with all the obligatory blatant innuendo but done more subtly than, say, smacking your video full of ladies who appear to have bought outfits ten sizes too small and mercifully, it doesn't feature any terrible aggressive brass sections but instead flirty keyboards and synthy bounce, like 'All This Love' by the Similou with a hot girl throwing glances at you throughout, making you feel like roughly ten trillion dollars.

This is, in short, precisely why EVERYONE should love Luciana the way I love Luciana (and possibly even a decent case for making all music that doesn't feature her chart-ineligible, although others tell me this might be considered a tad overboard) and if you haven't fallen for her yet, then I insist that you do so immediately.

Download: Out now
CD Released: July 9th

(Hazel Robinson)