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The five best songs of the year, in six parts

Rihanna ft. Jay-Z - 'Umbrella'

Ella. Ella. Eh. Eh. Eh. It's not even a song so much any more, it's a lifestyle choice. How many of us now say the word "umbrella" with three syllables instead of two thanks to Rihanna's idiosyncratic pronunciation? The umbrella became this season's must-have accessory for any pop video. Even the British 'summer' fell into line, since the sun absolutely refused to shine for the entire 10 weeks this song sat astride the top of the charts like some kind of R&B colossus.

There is no arguing with this song; it will merely laugh in your face and trample you underfoot like the puny mortal you are. I had the nerve to only give it four stars instead of the five it clearly deserves when I reviewed it back in May, and I can only attribute this to some kind of temporary insanity on my part.

Despite its many brilliant attributes, one thing about this song struck me more than anything else during its run on the charts (which was still in progress last time I checked): I didn't get bored of it. At all. Even now, I still get an urge to listen to this song at least once a week, and I still get goosebumps during the middle eight on the "I'll be all you need and mooo-oooooo-oooore be-CAUSE" bit. It's the song that turned Rihanna from that nice girl with the handful of catchy songs into a global superstar, and deservedly so. Career-making superhits like this come around only a couple of times every generation. I don't know if I'll ever know a better one.

Aly and AJ - 'Potential Breakup Song'

I'm still bitter about this one, by the way. I have long since come to accept that not every song I adore will be similarly loved by the masses, but I can't help thinking that the way this song was spectacularly ignored by both radio stations everywhere and the British record-buying public was little short of criminal. Okay, one might argue that it got to No.22, which is not a terrible placing - it made the top 40, and hung around for a few weeks, which is impressive for a song with negligible airplay. But it deserved so much more, and this song not having the ability to crossover as a mainstream hit makes me wonder what future there is for pop music.

Perhaps it was the Disney connection that put people off (I can't necessarily blame people for that, I'm amazed that I've got two Disney-endorsed songs in my top five six), I'll never know. There's no point in trying to attribute blame at this stage, anyway, so let's just talk about why it's great.

It contains, for my money, one of the best lyrical phrases of the year ("It took too long, it took too long, it took too long for you to call back. And normally I would just forget that, except for the fact it was my birthday. My stupid birthday"). It is self-referential ("This is the potential break-up song. Our album needs just one"). It has amazing harmonies. It is blisteringly fast-paced, with energy to spare. It has a whimsical "la la la la la la" refrain at the start and end. It has two choruses! And it's not even the best song on their album. And if somehow it passed you by (not unlikely, given the circumstances outlined above), I strongly urge you to seek it out.

Miley Cyrus - 'See You Again'

The second Disney-endorsed song on my list, and the one that cleanly knocked me off my feet. My reaction, when directed to this song with a ringing recommendation by ChartBlog's very own Hazel, was something to the effect of "isn't she that annoying girl from Hannah Montana? Billy Ray Cyrus's daughter? What can she have to offer, apart from perhaps an electropop cover of 'Achy Breaky Heart'?" I then listened to this song, and promptly kicked myself very hard for being so very, very wrong.

It does at least have the "electropop" part in common with my initial reaction, but that's where the similarity begins and ends. It's the tale of running into someone you really fancy, only to make a complete arse of yourself, and vow that you will rise from the ashes of your own humiliation and make them fall madly in love with you the next time they see you. Miley sings with the vocal chops of someone approximately twice her age, and the song veers from a sultry, studied statement of intent to a full-on frenzied meltdown of a chorus, which is a perfect mirror of the sort of total emotional instability most of us associate with situations like this.

And since I'm given in this round-up to quote the lyrical highpoints of the respective songs, I feel compelled to draw your attention to the line "I st-st-stuttered when you asked me what I'm thinkin' 'bout", because any mention of stuttering in songs should always be handled as literally as possible, and also the line "my best friend Leslie said 'oh, she's just being Miley'.", because its brilliance straddles many levels. You see, not only is Leslie apparently the name of Miley Cyrus's real-life best friend, which brings us to a level of open reality seldom seen in pop songs, but by throwing both her own name and the name of her best friend in there, Miley has made it very difficult for anyone else to cover this song, thus ensuring that hers will always remain the definitive version.

I can only applaud such a strategic movement in one so young. I suspect that Miley Cyrus may well become the first Global Overlord, and I'm getting on the bandwagon nice and early.

Britney Spears - 'Piece of Me'

Given that Britters made headlines for all the wrong reasons throughout 2007, the positive critical reaction to her most recent album 'Blackout' came as a surprise to most of us. Except, perhaps, those of us who'd already heard it, because it's a fantastic album - a coherent, thoughtful, self-aware piece of pop music, with only a couple of slight missteps. 'Piece of Me' is, for me, the highlight of the album, because it's the closest we're likely to get to ever seeing inside Britney's head, short of her volunteering for one of Gunther von Hagans's experiments.

I'm not the sort of person who normally gives a toss whether an artist writes her own material or not, and will gladly indulge you with an argument about how it is clearly not better to sing a rubbish song that you wrote yourself than a brilliant song somebody else gave you to sing, but I will admit to being slightly disappointed that this song did not come scribbled on a piece of paper headed 'From The Desk Of Britney Spears'. Because that would have made it officially perfect.

I will, however, give her credit for recording a song that's clearly dealing with a very touchy subject and imbuing it with just the necessary amount of bile without overdoing it. It sends up the ghastly appetite of the tabloids for any and all embarrassments that life can afford Britney, without painting her as some kind of saintly blameless victim in the whole thing, which is the sort of mistake countless people have made in this situation before. Heather Mills made it on GMTV in front of millions of viewers, in fact. It's just a shame that the sort of people this song was directed at were too busy waiting for Britney to flash her ladygarden at the paparazzi to take any notice of the lyrics.

Groove Armada ft. Mutya Buena - 'Song 4 Mutya'

Mutya was always my favourite Sugababe (at least, she was after Siobhan left), but I felt rather unmoved by the beginnings of her solo career. The sample in 'Real Girl' was too familiar to work in a different song, and the duet with George Michael didn't stick in my memory. Just as I was preparing to abandon all interest in Solo Mutya, however, along came 'Song 4 Mutya', and completely turned me around.

It's not a groundbreaking song, by any stretch of the imagination: it's distorted dancepop with the obligatory frosty vocal delivery from Lady Buena, and it was almost no more than that. But what lifts this out of "good song" category into "song of the year" category for me is the brilliant addition of Mutya's internal monologue while driving her car. She's cruising along, carefree, when WHAM! She runs into her ex, looking cosy with another woman. And what does Mutya's inner voice tell her to do? "Don't panic panic, Mutya, don't drive erratic." Grammatically suspect it may be, but on all other levels it's perfect: it's insistent, it's self-referential (you may have noticed by now that this is something I adore in music generally) and it's rational in the sort of way that only truly irrational people can be.

Because obviously the thing you need to worry about most in that sort of situation is not making people think you're an incompetent driver, isn't it? Never mind 'Real Girl', this was the song that convinced me Mutya's just a normal person like the rest of us.

Ciara - 'Like A Boy'

For some reason, I had it in my head that this song came out last year, even though it clearly states at the beginning "2007: ladies, it's time to switch roles". Another candidate for criminally underrated song of the year (No.16, people? Really?), this song was bound to appear on the ChartBlog Review of the Year somehow given how many CB reviewers' musical pleasures it caters to (Hazel loves pop songs with violins in them, and I'm always a sucker for songs about gender politics).

Even without all of these, it deserves its place here on the grounds of the eerie, militaristic middle eight, full of whooshing wind and vocal percussion, which deserves to be played as loudly as possible (but don't tell your neighbours I said that). And if I can mention one more thing that always makes me love a song, it's when the singer cracks that tone of voice that contains nothing but naked, bruised emotion. And if you're wondering what that sounds like, it's in here, on the line "try messin' with your head again/dose of your own medicine". That's what marks the difference between those songs that are empty rants about men, and this: an angry, embittered indictment of inequality between the sexes.

Hazel Robinson's Review of 2007
Fraser McAlpine's Review of 2007

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* Euphonical - Pertaining to, or exhibiting, euphony; agreeable in sound; pleasing to the ear (Webster's Dictionary)