How To Destroy...Leona Lewis
NOTE: This is probably one of those destruction tips which would work on anyone, not just Leona. Although the added bonus with using this method on Ms. Lewis is it leaves you with the endearing image of a rescue crew from the Coastguard, all bending over a patch of wet sand, prodding it with a pole and shouting "keep breathing, love!".
Anyway, the usual rules apply. Don't do this to Leona unless you absolutely have to, otherwise Simon Cowell will blame me, and then he'll say nasty things about me in the papers, and Louis Walsh will join in with something equally nasty (but nowhere near as witty), and Sharon Osbourne will just say something disgusting and perhaps a little over-the-top, and then they'll all coming looking for me in a big tank with rotating knives on the wheels, and I'll have to run away, and I'll probably fall over and get muddy knees, and WE DON'T WANT THAT.
Comments
LOL
Did you actually go to college and study so you could write this rubbish.
I hope to god my license fee is not paying your wages.
Best of luck to the fabulous Leona Lewis, soon to be international superstar popstar.
[Sorry Aiden, I checked. It really is just YOUR license fee that pays for me. What were you thinking, man? - Fraser]
(Laughs like a drain) Now that is funny, not that I'm the sort of person who likes to see horrid things happening to celebs (unless it's Kate Nash, of course, lol!).
Some people have no sense of humour (Or irony. Or sarcasm.)
He also spent 5 years at university to get a degree which enables him to 'write this rubbish'. I have just had a look and, oh. . . you're not gonna like this Aidan. It appears you paid all his tuition fee's too, and his housing allowance. Ouch!
just f* murder her alredi
[Strikes me you're not really entering the spirit of this jolly little cartoon. - Fraser]
Well we all got sucked into liking this song so maybe the quicksand is an appropriate punishment lol
Knowing my luck though, the the quicksand will only be about 7 foot deep, so that means her head will still be above sand n she'll keep, keep singing this song....
[Rich, how tall do you think Leona is? If the sand were 7ft deep, she'd have to stand on a box to get her head out of it. And if they go to all of the trouble of getting her a box of the appropriate height, they might as well get her a ladder and she can come and go as she pleases. - Fraser]
Good stuff - my only query would be whether this is too good a way to go for LL?! By the way, where can I sign up to make sure my licence fee goes straight to your salary? :->
[Any donations are always gratefully received, JD. But Aidan's got it covered. I'm a blog of simple needs. We should all be thanking him for ChartBlog though. Ready? One two three...Thank you Aidan! - Fraser]
Hey, speak for yourself Rich, I never liked this song. Faux transatlantic warbling sets my teeth on edge, give me the genuine article anyday. The truth is Whitney Houston could b***h-slap Leona 3 ways from Sunday
Actually, I'd quite like to see that! ;)
XXXPeace out!XXX