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Sugababes - 'Girls'

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Fraser McAlpine | 09:06 UK time, Sunday, 28 September 2008

[Oh blimey, Hazel and Steve have gone feral... - Fraser]

SugababesReaders, it saddens me to have to inform you of a grave matter. Very occasionally it is necessary for two ChartBloggers to tag team a review for a specific song, for various reasons. On this occasion, Hazel and I have come to the conclusion that the new Sugababes single is such a colossal disappointment, one reviewer alone cannot possibly do justice to its appallingness. Therefore we have come together in the hope that between us, we can cover all of the reasons why it sucks.

1. The Sugababes' previous sound was one of lush vocal harmonies and, regardless of the line-up changes, their voices are still most suited to this, rather than being absolutely buried in brassy production.

2. It is impossible to conceive of a scenario in which anyone would sit down and say "Hey man, I love that advert for three-for-two mosquito repellent with the women bouncing up and down on the giant suitcase, let's lead off the new album with a song that samples the song from that!" This means that this single has bent the universe irreparably.

3. The last girlband to use the cunning ploy of taking an advert's soundtrack and turning it into a hit single was the 411. Even then, it was actually their song and not just a sample which they later ran off with. The Sugababes should never, EVER be reduced to stealing inspiration from the 411, much less doing it less successfully. Again, this disrupts the fabric of the universe.

4. The lyrics are so 'blah' they make me cry. Is this supposed to sound empowering? "Slipping on my little black dress, five inches I'm bound to impress." I assume Heidi's talking about her heels but that sort of sounds like either a) she has a really, really little black dress or b) something that we probably can't discuss on ChartBlog (but she's right, five inches on a girl would definitely be impressive).

5. The song is just such a cynical and lazy attempt at a girl power anthem it's actually quite insulting. "Let's just repeat the word "girls!" over and over again while throwing in the occasional lyric about sexy dresses!" Oh, please. This song is to girl power what 'I Kissed A Girl' is to gay rights - so far away to the extent of being utterly irrelevant.

6. The video seems to be implying that in what I can only assume is meant to be some kind of ghettoised warehouse rave, people actually do aggressive break dancing to quite passive pop songs which sample songs which are sampled in adverts. It frankly seems unlikely, to me, that big muscly men get on down to lyrics about their impressive five inches.

7. It just makes me think of sanitary towels. I can't help it. The whole thing sounds like it was designed to soundtrack one of those adverts that tries to pretend menstruation is fun and glamourous and it makes my insides curl up and die of cringe. Seriously. Try listening to someone saying how sexy and sassy and empowered they are when all you can think about is tampons.

8. It's the sort of song which has just enough catchiness in it to lure you into thinking you like it more than you actually do. So with the very brief good bits of the song on repeat in your head, you decide to go and listen to it again only to discover NOOO ARGH IT'S HORRIBLE D: after all.

As you might have guessed from the above, we're not fans. Mainly, to be honest, because it's the Sugababes, of all people, who've been reduced to such a derivative and unambitious attempt at pop music. This sort of thing would've been forgivable - JUST - if it'd been some obscure faceless girlband looking for a bit of easy publicity, we could've understood it.

But the Sugababes have built such a sterling reputation off their own backs through making legitimately brilliant pop songs, that such a cheap and facile effort isn't just disappointing - it's insulting. Sorry girls, but this just won't do, at all.

No starsDownload: Out now
CD Released:
October 6th

(Steve Perkins and Hazel Robinson)

Comments

  • Comment number 1.

    The lyric is: "Slipping on my little black dress, five inch heels I'm bound to impress." I agree with the assessment of the song; not the girls' best work. I do love the sample however. The PopJustice review of the album sampler was very promising, so hopefully the rest of the album will be more vintage Sugababes.

  • Comment number 2.

    It's sad to watch the slow decline of the Sugababes. Though to be honest, the quality of the material has always been a bit up and down. If you were to plot it on a graph, it would look like this: /\/\/\/\/\/\ There seems to be a desperation in 'Girls' to try and borrow some of the Girls Aloud magic which is sad since at times, they've had a magic all of their own. There's a reason why Paul Morley thinks 'Freak Like Me' is one of the best pop records of all time.

    But then I don't think they've been the same since Siobhan left. When Keisha goes, can they still legitimately be called the Sugababes? And if by some remote chance the old band reforms (its happened -- look at All Saints -- who thought those four would ever be in the same room again let alone for along enough to put together an admittedly not great album?) what do they call themselves? It'd be like the battle over Bucks Fizz all over again.

  • Comment number 3.

    The point made before me was utter rubbish, Sugababes have always released top notch songs they're just not recognized. Although this one isn't their best its a great song to lead off their album because people love it. And id just like to say in the girl band stacks the order goes like this:

    Sugababes
    The Saturdays
    Girls Aloud - meaningless pop, their lyrics make no sense. They just look for rhyming words not ones that make a point. their only good song was and still remains their first.

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