Beat The Credit Crunch With Teamwork
The Credit Crunch is, sadly, not a new kind of breakfast cereal, in which corn or rice is puffed into the shape of an Egg card (or any other brand) and then coated in honey and roasted nuts, for your milky-morning pleasure. I think you would probably see a lot less about it in the news if it was.
We are living through troubled times, financially speaking, and one common message which keeps appearing in all of the media coverage of this Credit Crunch thing is that we're going to have to find ways to economise, to make do with one thing when we would normally want two, with extra syrup.
Why, then, should the Charts be any different? Isn't it an extravagent nonsense to have 40 different songs in our Top 40 when we could feasibly make do with less fewer? Should we not be trying to find ways to get the same musical goodness out of our singles chart, but with half the effort?
Think about it, a chart with a dramatically reduced carbon footprint, a chart which does not cost the Earth to maintain, a chart which cuts down on waste, and recycles ideas wherever possible (I know! Who could CONCEIVE of such a thing?).
This, dear ChartBloggerers, is where we take that dream, and make it a reality...
Take this week's Top 40, for example. We don't really NEED all of these different songs. Not when we can put them together. And what's the magic word when you want to get pop stars to pool their resources and work together? No? It's only a teeny little word...
That's right...ft.. You get two pop performers together, you're going to need a ft. or a vs. or a &. Luckily, your average keypad has an abundance of these things, and they're free. So we can use them to stick singers and songs together, taking care to lose none of the musical nutrients.
So, assuming all of the people in this week's chart are actually as nice as they would like us to think they are, I'm sure they won't mind taking part in these money-saving collaboration ideas, to make your music budget stretch further.
This Week's Top 40 (In Reduced Form)
1: Kaiser Chiefs ft. Katy Perry
'I Never Beat A Hot Girl'
2: N-Dubz ft. Bloc Party & Chris Brown
'Ouch! Superhuman Talons'
3: Keane ft. MIA
'Spiralling Planes'
4: Pussycat Dolls ft. Alicia Keys & Jack White
'Another Way To Grow Up'
5: Kanye West ft. The Saturdays
'Love Lock-Up'
6: Leon Jackson ft. Geraldine
'Don't Call This The Winners Song'
7: The Script ft. Jordin Sparks
'The Man Who Can't Be Tattoed'
8: Snow Patrol ft. Jordin Sparks & Gym Class Heroes
'Take Back The Cookie Tattoo'
9: Sash ft. P!nk & Katy Perry
'So What, I Kissed Raindrops'
10: Jordin Sparks ft. Fall Out Boy
'No Air, I Don't Care'
11: Boyzone vs Girls Aloud, ft. Ne-Yo & Platnum
'Promise I Love You Miss Shy'
12: Basshunter ft. Jennifer Hudson & MGMT
'Angel Kids In The Spotlight'
13: Kardinal Offishall ft. Sugababes & Dizzee Rascal
'Dance Wiv Dangerous Girls'
14: Iglu & Hartly ft. Guru Josh
'Infinity City'
15: John Legend ft. Madcon
'Light Beggin'
16: Kings Of Leon ft. Razorlight
'Wire On Fire'
17: The Game ft. Rihanna
'Disturb My Life'
See? A whole Top 40 condensed down into just 17 songs. Think of the savings we can make on time, money and resources if our stars just learn to work together!
Think of what Fearne and Reggie could be doing during the 90 minutes of Chart Show time this planet-saving measure will have freed up.
They could tend an allotment, grow some spuds, photosynthesise...anything. Who's with me?
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For more ideas on how to cross-fertilize pop stars, see this ChartBlog Special Report...
Comment number 1.
At 28th Oct 2008, hackerjack wrote:Too much time on your hands?
:oP
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Comment number 2.
At 28th Oct 2008, Fraser McAlpine - wrote:You not been here before? :oP
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Comment number 3.
At 28th Oct 2008, lolscott wrote:Genius! I love this blog...
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Comment number 4.
At 28th Oct 2008, XxlivsxX wrote:"when we could feasibly make do with less?"
Fewer, feasibly make do with fewer. Not less.
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Comment number 5.
At 28th Oct 2008, Fraser McAlpine - wrote:Oh sorry, did I write "with less"? I meant to write "witless"... :-(
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Comment number 6.
At 28th Oct 2008, XxlivsxX wrote:No need to be so hard on yourself. Most people use less when they should use fewer. I'm just helping you not to be one of those people. The worst is in the supermarkets, with the "10 items or less" aisles. Grrr.
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Comment number 7.
At 28th Oct 2008, Fraser McAlpine - wrote:Do you know what's really strange? My own father told me recently that this is a particular bug-bear of his, and I couldn't remember if I did it or not.
It seems I do. Sorry Dad!
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Comment number 8.
At 13th Dec 2008, superirons93 wrote:how's about kaiser chiefs feat. katy perry- never kissed a girl?
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