Jeremih - 'Birthday Sex'
I have a glass bowl on my desk. Once upon a time it used to contain apples, as I've always had a thing about the humble granny smith, but it's been a while since I've remembered to get any, and in the meantime, it has become a perfect receptacle for the CDs I've been sent which have failed to win me round after the first couple of listens. That way they're still accessible, but clearly not for daily use.
The process goes something like this, CD goes on, I potter about, doing emails and whatnot, pressing play again when it finishes or maybe skipping through some of the remixes, and then, assuming all has not gone well, it'll be returned to its cardboard shell and hoicked into the fruitbowl, otherwise it goes on the teetering wall of CDs I'm building between me and the outside world.
Guess where I had to rescue this CD from, when it came time to review it?
And the reason for this is it became too tiring to work out if this was a parody of a sexy song, or a sexy song written by someone who doesn't really know what sexy is, or an actual sexy song (and I don't know what sexy is). Life's too short, y'know?
(No video: Too sexy.)
The important thing to bear in mind is that you can say literally anything in an R&B slow jam, providing there's a silky, seductive sheen to the production, and it'll usually still count as sexy. Here are some examples:
"you kiss me so sweetly, tastes just like Hershey's" - this is clearly a reference to a chocolate and peanut butter dollop sweet they have in America called Hershey's Kisses. Or at least I hope so, or Jeremih might just have revealed he has no idea what an actual kiss tastes like. Which would undermine the rest of the song a LOT.
"we switchin' positions, you feel surrounded" - never bring your fake hands to a kissyparty, that's got to be Rule No.1.
"Don't need candles or cake, just need your body..." - whose birthday is it, exactly?
"It's the best day of the year girl" - because tomorrow it's back to the X-Box.
"Just tell me how you want your gift, girl" - "Oh Jeremih! I said I wanted a BIG present!"
"Girl without a broom I might just sweep you off your feet
And make you want to tell somebody how I do." - Could you maybe also hold up score cards? You know how much I love Len Goodman.
"You say you wanted flowers on the bed, but you got me in hours on the bed" - So, no flowers, that's what you're saying. Happy Birthday!
See what I mean? Try any of those lines on an actual girl and you'll find yourself birthday dumped before you can get the party hats out. There again, the music is smooooooth and the vibe is sweeeeeeeeeeet so...
Nope, still can't work it out. Time to go apple shopping!
Download: Out now
CD Released: August 17th
´óÏó´«Ã½ Music page
(Fraser McAlpine)
Comment number 1.
At 16th Aug 2009, Daniel wrote:Hate it.
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Comment number 2.
At 16th Aug 2009, spirit wrote:Dan , aren't you meant to be at the gym ? lol
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Comment number 3.
At 16th Aug 2009, Daniel wrote:I've been!
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Comment number 4.
At 16th Aug 2009, RandomEnigma wrote:I don't like this song at all! It is so boring! The repetitive chorus where he just says "Birthday sex, birthady sex" annoys me to and so does the production.
Hmmm looks like I hate R&B slow jams!
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Comment number 5.
At 16th Aug 2009, spirit wrote:Yo Randy , it's great to have you back !
Tell us about the songs you are loving !
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Comment number 6.
At 16th Aug 2009, BLING-BWOY wrote:This would appeal to virgin adolescents who think that grown ups always get sex on their birthdays! This was huge in the US where many teens eagerly downloaded it on Itunes or whatever. It charted here in the UK quite easily but today's artists can't make slow jams like they did in the 1980s and 1990s; songwriting has hit a new low while superstar producers like Jam & Lewis and R Kelly seem to be in retirement. This means average teens try their hand at songwriting and come up with nonsense like this track.
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Comment number 7.
At 16th Aug 2009, jlrake wrote:Am pretty much in agreement with the above sentiments of inifference and revulsion, except to say that it seems you've mistaken a Hershey's Kiss (as a rule , bereft of peanutbuttery goodness) for a Reese's Peabut Butter Cup (or one of Hershey's subsidiary Reese's manifold permutations of its original confection). Or maybe they sell different candies branded under different names in your country? Either way, yes, crummy song, and 'its a shame I've recently mistook the kid for the similarly named biblical prophet.
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Comment number 8.
At 17th Aug 2009, CurtainJerker wrote:"Slow jam"?
No, I'm sorry, but we're all just too British to really say that. If people will insist on using it, I'm afraid I'm going to have to see some ""s around the phrase.
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Comment number 9.
At 17th Aug 2009, thranjax wrote:Unless it's Sloe Jam, as in "On Toast", which is very British indeed.
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Comment number 10.
At 17th Aug 2009, MozFoz wrote:One dodgy chat-up line after another, and this cack's charting?
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Comment number 11.
At 18th Aug 2009, RandomEnigma wrote:Haha I've been christened Randy now! Thanks spiritwarrior.
It sounds kind of kinky though lol!
Awww Spirit I dunno music isn't really inspiring me at the moment!
I think I'm in some kind of rut!
I did do a review of Paramore's Ignorance on Shout there recently, I'll send a link [Unsuitable/Broken URL removed by Moderator]
I'm hoping to start writing soon! I'm in a creative mood at the moment but everytime I get down to work, I kind of lose inspiration! :(
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Comment number 12.
At 18th Aug 2009, NOSH33N_x wrote:LOVE IT!! :) x
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Comment number 13.
At 18th Aug 2009, spirit wrote:Somehow , I knew Nosh would like this . x x x
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Comment number 14.
At 18th Aug 2009, spirit wrote:If people want to join me in naming their favourite slow jams...
I'll start the ball rolling with ...
R KELLY - Bump n Grind .
Makes me wanna get intimate every time I hear it .
Come on Bling and everyone , name your favourites .
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Comment number 15.
At 19th Aug 2009, RandomEnigma wrote:I love R. Kelly's Ignition Remix!!!
Brilliant brilliant song!
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Comment number 16.
At 20th Aug 2009, spirit wrote:TOTALLY AGREE randy !
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Comment number 17.
At 23rd Aug 2009, RandomEnigma wrote:Oh I realise why I hate this song now. I can put it into words I mean!
You see in the lead up to the chorus he goes "Girl you know I-I-I-I, girl you know I-I-I_I"!
Like stuttering may have worked for Lady GaGa with Poker Face but not with this dude! The fact that he continuously repeats this "I-I-I-I" hook and its all Auto-Tuned just makes it worse.
Then he repeatedly sings "Birthday sex, birthday sex" and then there's this weird howly noise which is why I don't like the production.
Terrible terrible song that gives slow jams a bad name everywhere!
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