Quotes of the week
Yes the quoters have been quoting, the chanters chanting and the stadium announcers announcing once again - although the international break means there's a little less to get your teeth into this week. Please leave any witticisms you may have heard at the bottom of the blog, or if you're not yet signed up, .
"I offered to shave off my beard and put on some make-up and then I'd have looked like my missus!"
Derby County's Robbie Savage after turning up at the airport with his wife's passport for a friendly in the Netherlands.
"Romario, Ronaldo, these were unbelievable players...some of the things they could do with a football made your hair stand on end. Me? I'm not even as skilful as Joe Cole!" Wayne Rooney is not ready to make up the three Rs ahead of England's game with Brazil.
"Comedy has always been at the heart of what this club is all about."
Manchester City chief executive Garry Cook inadvertently gives more firepower to United fans when defending the 'Welcome To Manchester' billboard for Carlos Tevez.
Beckham gets by on fan power
"I was joking on the sidelines saying 'You Americans have been dying to get it to four quarters and you finally got it!'"
David Beckham after LA Galaxy's Western Conference play-off final with Houston was plagued by power cuts.
"Apart from the goal I don't think it was a bad performance."
Jermaine Jenas was obviously playing in a different game to the one everyone else was watching, following his comments on England-Brazil.
"I will fly to the Balkans to meet with a female doctor who helped (PSV Eindhoven midfielder) Danko Lazovic.She is vague about her methods, but I know she massages you using fluid from a placenta."
Robin van Persie is hoping his career will be reborn after damaging ankle ligaments while playing for the Netherlands against Italy.
"I've had the impression for days that people have been wearing green on purpose. Maybe it's just my imagination but the other day I opened a can of Sprite, took a good look at it and decided I had to swap it for another drink. The moment I see anything green I think about the Republic of Ireland."
Patrice Evra is feeling a little green ahead of France's play-off with the Republic.
"If you hide behind cliches, we'll be dead and buried by January."
Falkirk defender Darren Barr brilliantly launches a ban on cliches. With a cliche.
"This time last year, I think we came a close fifth in a two-horse race in India, so we need to win the vast majority of games if we're going to be realistic World Cup contenders." Graeme Swann on England's one-day history. You do the maths.
"When we go to work and perform invariably it is in front of thousands. If we don't do our jobs, it gives the opportunity for people to criticise when they have not put their heads over the parapet and tried it themselves."
Mark Hughes addresses criticism of Wayne Bridge by Match of the Day's Alan Hansen - who won three European Cups, eight league titles, and was capped by Scotland 26 times.
"I learned the Welsh anthem at school, I can sing it, don't worry about that."
Chester-born Andy Dorman shows off his Welsh credentials following his call-up for the friendly with Scotland.
Crouchy celebrates Novak's win
"I had the feeling I was playing against a cyborg."
Gael Monfils is not doing the robot dance after losing to Novak Djokovic in the Paris Masters final.
5 live's Neil Reynolds: "What do you like to do on game day here at the stadium?"
Green Bay Packers fan: "Drink."
Reynolds: "What is so special about a game day experience in Green Bay?"
Fan: "The drink."
Reynolds: "But there's some good food out here as well. Is that an important part of the day?"
Fan: "Sometimes it can be. But if you eat too much, you get full - and then you can't drink."
5 live American football commentator Neil Reynolds recounts asking a Green Bay fan what the Packers mean to him and his community.
"Nothing to shred/punch/kick/break/sold my old Slayer stuff...so I thought I'd have a nice bath and now the damn water has gone off...nothing, nada...no pressure at all and it appears it's just in my house as the neighbour's water is fine...so ends a terrific day :( " Addick1965 on the Charlton Life messageboard after the FA Cup defeat by Northwich.
AND SOME FROM YOU
John Inverdale: "So how can England beat the All Blacks next weekend?"
Jeremy Guscott: "Pray...simple as that!"
Guscott has some great advice for the England team preparing to take on the All Blacks! (Jas Singh, UK).
"Terence Newman was like 'Hey, it wasn't me, I was 16 yards away from the play, eating a hot dog, and I'm already in enough trouble for doing that!'."
Greg Brady on 5Live Sports Extra's NFL after Dallas Cowboys cornerback Newman was wrongly penalised. (Stephen F,UK).
"Every time a tournament comes round, they have all these world-class players and a man (Domenech) who seems intent on messing them up."
Republic of Ireland defender Richard Dunne - BEFORE the defeat by France. (Ilyaas Anis, UK).
"Manchester City midfielder Stephen Ireland has claimed that top players tried to sabotage Mark Hughes' rein at the club when he first arrived at Eastlands."
From ´óÏó´«Ã½ Football Gossip. Was that because he was trying to harness their talents? (Trevor Trotman, UK).
"The match started five minutes late due to the minute's silence beforehand."
´óÏó´«Ã½ radio commentator on Premier League match. (Geoff Chamberlain, England).
Commentator 1: "Dallas have outscored the rockets 27-12."
Commentator 2: "Yeah, you're not going to beat many teams doing that."
Heard in the NBA game between the Mavericks and the Rockets. Exactly which teams will you beat when you're being outscored?
(Ruairidh Calderwood, Australia).
Next stop Leyton
"We're going to be the Harlem Globetrotters over the next week or so with a trip to Norwich followed by two trips to Orient."
Tranmere caretaker manager Les Parry told ´óÏó´«Ã½ Radio Merseyside. I didn't realise Norwich and Leyton were so far away! (Paul Charles).
"Things like that happen in games, and you just have to take it on the chin."
Martin Roberts on Dan Carter's high tackle during the Wales - NZ match. (Mike Leah, UK).
"To lose to a team in the third division can't be considered an achievement."
The 'stating the obvious' award goes to Real Madrid manager Manuel Pellegrini after his team were knocked out of the Copa del Rey by Alcorcon. (Leo oh oh)
Jon Champion on ESPN: "Who do you think will replace the injured Riera?"
Chris Waddle: "Well, it`s not gonna be Gerrard. It definitely wont be Gerrard. I can`t see him coming on."
Champion: "...so Liverpool send on Steven Gerrard for the injured Riera."
Radio commentary in the midweek game at Anfield. (Robokopthe3rd).
"You can hear the hush of expectancy buzzing round the ground."
5 live's Colin Murray before the Chelsea-Man U game.
(KevTheLutonCowboy).
"The England players need to have self-belief in their team-mates."
Heard on Sky Sports' coverage of the England v Australia rugby league final. Well, which is it? (Tim).
CHANTS OF THE WEEK
"You're not fit to wear the shirt!"
Luton fans to Grays goalkeeper Preston Edwards who, due to a kit clash, had to wear a Luton keeper's shirt. (Niall Kelly, England).
"We hate England more than you!"
Scottish fans to their Welsh counterparts during the friendly in Cardiff.
(David, UK)
"There's only one BenÃtez!"
Birmingham fans after Christian BenÃtez equalises at Anfield.
(Dbutler KRO).
Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough
"There's only one Vicky Pollard!"
Forest supporters to a female Bristol City fan being unceremoniously ejected from the City Ground. (Gerrard Spray, UK).
"You need a mortgage for a burger!"
Warrington Fans during their away game at Radcliffe Borough FC.
STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENTS OF THE WEEK
"You may need a mortgage for a burger, but if your coach driver doesnt move your coach, you're getting charged Council Tax as well!"
Radcliffe tannoy announcer at the above game. (James Heyes, UK).
"Half-time at Eastlands: Manchester City 1 - 2 Burnley!"
Stadium announcer at Stockport County's FA Cup game v Tooting and Mitcham amid huge cheers around Edgeley Park...but I thought we didn't like Burnley?!
(Hannah, Stockport).
HEADLINE OF THE WEEK
"Bay of Picks"
Chicago-Sun Times, after the NFL Chicago Bears lost 10-6 to the San Francisco 49ers in San Francisco. Bears QB Jay Cutler was intercepted (picked) five times.
(Don MacGregor, United States).
BANNER OF THE WEEK
"The world came, the world saw and we conquered."
Banner at the match between host Nigeria and Switzerland at the Fifa U17 World Cup final. (Ahmed).
I am a journalist with ´óÏó´«Ã½ Sport, dealing with the more offbeat stories doing the rounds. I am a QPR fan - and also quite fond of football. If our new-found wealth brings success I'll be happy to tell anyone exactly where I was when we were sh... rubbish - row J seat 139. .
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