To wed or not to wed?
A survey among the younger generation of women taken just recently revealed that 32% reckoned that marriage was an outmoded institution and unnecessary.
In other words who need a piece of paper to consolidate a partnership?
The state of living out of wedlock was the norm thousands of years ago because obviously marriage was not an issue.
At some time in the advancement of the human race it was realised that some kind of order was needed in relationships between men and women, hence the introduction of holy matrimony, marriage in the eyes of god or at least in the eyes of the state or both.
The relaxing or ignoring of these rules over the last 40 or so years has led to situations like the woman reported in the press recently as having seven children to a number of different fathers.
It is not inconceivable that these children could grow up and have their own offspring marrying in to their own family without knowing.
The piece of paper goes someway to preventing this scenario, fidelity being the defining word in a happy partnership.
On a personal note I was married for 48 years and loved my wife from the moment I set eyes on her t the moment she took her last breath just on three years ago, after producing five children, nine grandchildren and a great-grandson.
Maybe I was lucky but I can鈥檛 help thinking that some of the 32% may find the road through the co-existence with the opposite sex a bit rocky without the protection of the marriage rites.
However life has a history of self inflicted wounds but also a history of healing those wounds.
Another poll a few months ago showed that the number of women opting for a white wedding in a church was on the increase. A few simple rules adhered to and a little common sense can lead to a blissful and fulfilling life.
Spread over both sexes we live an average of 62 years, a third of which is spent in adolescence and youth. So it is worth giving some though to how we spend the other two thirds.
Life is a lottery, but unlike the national lottery we can influence the one governing our lives.
Tie the knot and make sure it does not come undone by signing the certificate. Be happy.
I listened to your interview and you seem a flexible person, able to give and take in life just as you have with this new technology. There are so many though, and not necessarily of your generation, who won't change and turn marriages into battles.
What concerns me about marriage is that it entails a compromise of your freedom. I am not married and i enjoy my freedom thoroughly. The thought of being tied to a partner and a family fills me with a sense of dread. I tend not to idealise marriage. I take a more realistic view. Divorce has been on the increase over the years and i see many people who are unhappy in their marriage. Divorcing from a marriage and sorting out the 'kids' issue is a messy and traumatising experience. If you are happy being alone and completely free then i suggest you try to maintain that arrangement. What complicates this simple arrangement is the ugly head of libido. Control that little monster and you've cracked it.
It's a strange world heh? - why not make it androgynous - but no for some reason it was decided to make two complimentary souls - ying and yang - male and female.
One designed to fit in the other for a while the fitting for a while seems to please for a while - but then there is the other while - the more mundane day to day.
I have a female partner - we regard each other as good mates - able to have a good yarn - good laugh and yet respect each others need for quiet and peace. One of our great strengths has been taking off (job demands) and being away for weeks. Keeping in contact is interesting and when we meet again in the flesh we feel like a couple of love sick teenagers!
She has 'girlie' things that she loves doing and I don't really understand and I 'boyo' things. But we respect all that.
We pay some attention to sons and daughters and grandkids but don't let them impinge too much and thoroughly have a good life.
Would it be the same if we were two women or men - well not for me being hetero sexual , I'd miss out on a lot of fun and pleasure.
But there is something else - hovering in the cloisters of the mind. Some spiritual tretises tell us that "God" is male and female combined.
So if that is true, maybe he/she is trying to get us used to the idea of being co-joined before joining him/her in co-existance?
Just a thought!
As divorce rates rise many folk decide not to marry, especially as lots of chaps see what happens to guys kicked out of home, denied access to kids etc. etc. etc.
Some folk just 'live together' instead.
I think big flashy weddings are a waste of cash, now.. holidays,, that is a good idea !
marriage at one time used to be conducted for business reasons - it was good for certain families to intertwine with marriage or the King of Spain should wed the Queen of England to improve trade.
In India the families of the son and daughter arrange suitable matches, as do many other races
The notion of 'falling in love' and being free to choose whom you wish is a very recent and unproven method only going back a hundred years or less. And may not be the best method at all.
There are apparently three types of love - agape love which is divine love of God - filial love which is respectful love of ones parents and eros love which is love for another person.
The psychiatrist M.Scott Peck warns us about eros love and states it is the complete surrender of your body and soul to another person - and results in a complete collapse of ego boundaries - those psychic things that keep us safe and intact.
And how true - how many couples have fallen 'outof love' within the first few months, years and decades, whereas true filial love for parents surely lasts for ever as does agape love for God.
Yes romantic love or eros love comes a poor third best married or not. And sometimes marriage makes it worse not better.
The act of marriage was a technical matter that made things easier from societies point of view kept everything stable regardless of loveless relationships.
No I don't beleive that marriage is necessarily the way to go better to teach kids about the different kind of loves and the qualities therein!
Marriage as a civil and religious instittution was not as universal as you might suppose. I'm not an expert on this, but I gather that for the working class in early 19th century industrial britain, rather few got formally married - not least because there were few churches.
Marriage is a coming together of two individuals who wish to take every risk in showing that love can and will win.
I am not at all surprised that in this modern age, many marriages flounder. There is so much pressure put upon us, in all areas of life, and this makes all contracts harder to manage.
But living together, as opposed to marrying, solves few problems. In fact, more problems arise! Take children-it is so very sad when a marriage does come to an end and children are involved. Often children are used as pawns in a horrible game. But what about children raised by a couple, or single person, and who have no real security. It is so easy to walk away from one's "partner" if there is no wedding band. And then move onto the next partner maybe. What do children make of this?
If one is not inclined towards marriage, then children should not be raised with several"parents". Far better to marry and allow a child it's very own mother and father, than for it to be part of our "throw away" society. Living together is a state of non-committment. Marriage is a contract-one of love. It is a sign to the outside world of commitment, and a sign for each spouse.
Joy and freedom does not end when one becomes married! But the bonds should be stronger through the sacrifices of one to the other. Life, whether when married or not, is very often about compromise. And what happiness an individual can get from giving! Marriage is about that giving, that compromise. And signing an agreement to prove it's worth.
If many marriages break up these days, then so do many non-marriage relationships. Pressure is always there whether one marries or not.
Marriage, IMHO, is good, beautiful, and what God desires of us(if we are in love with someone).
I heard somewhere that it was quite common to be sure an heir could be produced, before marrying, in pre-Victorian English rural communities.