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I think several Cornwall Council staff are on the verge of a severe sense of humour failure. So I am very grateful to everyone who has waded through boxloads of old receipts to get me these answers:

£3,000 for phone charges
This payment is the monthly mobile phone cost for 265 mobiles for the Cornwall Fire and Rescue service. These mobiles cover the entire Service including: the crews for 65 fire appliances, the officers in workshops (mechanics etc), Training Dept, Emergency Management Team, All Mobile Officers, all Station Managers and Senior Managers. This works out at approximately £11 per phone.

£1,080 for the Rick Stein Sea Food restaurant
This payment does not relate to a meal at the restaurant. It is part of the Future Job Fund project which is a Department for Work and Pensions European funded project to provide jobs for people in Cornwall. The Council makes payments to each partner based on the number of jobs they deliver and then reclaims 100% of these payments back from the Department for Work and Pensions.

Fish tank
This payment relates to a fish tank which was bought for one of our children's centres. The use of such equipment to help engage with young children, particularly children with complex needs, is recognised as good practice and is often used in hospitals and GP surgeries.

Computers/ hi fi and musical instruments
The items were purchased for use by schools, children's homes and respite centres and the youth service.

Silk ties
This payment relates to the purchase of 100 Cornwall Council ties which Councillors are now being invited to buy. They were designed and produced by a local company in Cornwall.

£1,029 paid to the One Eyed Cat restaurant -
This relates to a dinner (not a lunch) to mark the formal launch of the Unicreds project. This is a €2 million project looking at how different models of higher education can benefit regional economic development. It is a three year project funded by the EU involving partners from Bulgaria, Czech Republic, Finland, Hungary, Sweden and the UK. The cost of the meal, which was attended by 43 people, including representatives of all the project partners, was paid for by the Unicreds project and not by Cornwall Council.

24.11.10 Restaurant Ban Khun Mae £1,573- should be - £35.11
22.11.10 " £1,342 - should be £28.82
19.11.10 " £809 should be £17.97
All these three payments relate to an education related trip and have been calculated in the original currency. The costs of the trip were met by the British Council and not by the Council

17/11.10 Air South West £ 900 for three members of staff
The Council is currently in the process of implementing ERP, a business resource system that runs office processes such as finance, purchasing, payroll and human resources. To help with procuring the most appropriate system for the Council, a team of officers and Members made a number of " site visits" to view existing ERP systems which had been implemented by the companies which had been shortlisted through the procurement exercise. This payment relates to flights for a number of Council officers to visit a Council which had already implemented the system.

1.10.10 The London Eye £559.36
The payment relates to a visit by Cornwall's Youth Orchestra to London. The Council initially paid the cost of going on the London Eye but was then fully reimbursed by contributions from parents of the young people on the trip so there was no cost to the Council.

28.10.10 Return flight Bristol-Brussels for Carolyn Rule £560.50
This relates to a visit to Brussels by Carolyn Rule and Kevin Lavery for a series of post 2013 meetings involving transition regions with senior members of the EU.

8/7/10 Summons £2,145
This relates to payment for a court summons by the Council's Revenues and Benefits service for non payment of council tax . The Court requires payment for the cost of the summons at the time it is made.

26.10.10 Hotel - Jury's Inn, Manchester £1,248
This relates to accommodation for four people to attend the National Social Care Conference. The four were two officers --the Director of Adult Care and Support and the Head of Performance and Improvement, and two councillors - Armand Toms, the Cabinet Member for Adult Care and Support and Shirley Polmounter, who represented the Scrutiny Committee.

25.10.10 Rail travel for £1,023.20
This payment relates to rail travel for a Social care client visiting their children over a two months period

14.10.10 Trevor Doughty and two councillors @ Palace Hotel, £,1260 -
This payment relates to attendance at the National Adults and Youth conference in Manchester for Trevor Doughty and two councillors.

11.10.10 Hotel Barcelo, Malaga, £1,601.92 - project meetings with education authority? Who went and for how long? What project?
The flights to Malaga and hotel accommodation relate to a British Council funded educational trip by the Council's Adviser for Global Education and Internationalism. All the costs related to this project are met by the British Council.

11.10.10 £538.56 on the CleverBaggers
This payment relates to the purchase of 1,000 Sure Start branded bags for St Columb Children's Centre which were issued to families who register with the centre with information on Council activities

17.9.10 £6,873.75 on advertising in The Guardian
This relates to advertising for the Heartlands Board of Trustees. The costs were met from the Heartlands Project and not by the Council.

10.9.10 £599. 60 The Old Rectory motel. Who, why and for how long?
This payment relates to expenditure which was purchased on behalf of individual schools. The Council was then fully reimbursed by the schools involved and so there was no cost to the Council

10.9.10 2 x £500 Sainsbury's
This payment relates to the purchase of goods for the Lift project to help young vulnerable people learn living skills. The project is totally funded by external funding sources.

July 10 Rail warrant £987
This payment relates to a rail warrant for a Social care client visiting their children

6,9.10 Jury's Inn, Cork £2,190.38
This was for seven members of the Cornwall Fire and Rescue Service Extrication team to take part in the World Extrication Challenge in which they qualified for the Worlds in New Zealand in 2012. The team raised sponsorship from Air South West to cover the baggage costs and from Flambards for other expenses and the Fire and Rescue Service paid for three nights accommodation for the team. The team works hard to secure sponsorship for each challenge. The extrication challenge this year is due to be held in London.

6.8.10 Travelodge £711.30
This payment relates a accommodation for a Social Care client visiting their children

30.7.10 Flight to Cambodia £758.18
This payment relates to the cost of a National Youth Volunteering Organisation trip for a group of young people taking part in an award ceremony. This was a totally grant funded trip and did not involve any Council funding.

Mobile phone socks £2,425.20 (Ribbonworks)
This payment relates to the purchase of mobile phone holders by the Council's Road Safety team to be used as part of a campaign to raise road user awareness among children and young people. This is an ongoing campaign which involves staff visiting schools and other events, such as the Royal Cornwall Show and the recent Emergency Services Awareness Day, where they give out the holders ( which have a road safety message printed on them) to children and young people.

14.6.10 Hotel rooms for ERP site visits - Ramada Bowden Hall - £600
The Council is currently in the process of implementing ERP, a business resource system that runs office processes such as finance, purchasing, payroll and human resources. It is expected to save the Council around £20 million over the next five years. To help with procuring the most appropriate system for the Council, a team of officers and Members made a number of "site visits" to view existing ERP systems which had been implemented by the companies which had been shortlisted through the procurement exercise. This payment relates to accommodation for one of the site visits.

14.6.10 Radison SAS £4,880
- this payment relates to the attendance at a meeting of the Conference of Peripheral Maritime Meetings in Norway which was attended by Carolyn Rule and a member of the Council's Economic Development service. The costs shown have not been converted from the original currency of Norwegian Krone and the correct amount should be £546.56

12.6.10 Rail tickets for ERP site visits - £763
The Council is currently in the process of implementing ERP, a business resource system that runs office processes such as finance, purchasing, payroll and human resources. It is expected to save the Council around £20 million over the next five years. To help with procuring the most appropriate system for the Council, a team of officers and Members made a number of "site visits" to view existing ERP systems which had been implemented by the companies which had been shortlisted through the procurement exercise. This payment relates to rail travel for several officers and councillors over a two week period at a number of destinations across the country.

10.6.10 Hotel rooms for site visits in Solihull - Village Hotel £558
The Council is currently in the process of implementing ERP, a business resource system that runs office processes such as finance, purchasing, payroll and human resources. It is expected to save the Council around £20 million over the next five years. To help with procuring the most appropriate system for the Council, a team of officers and Members made a number of " site visits" to view existing ERP systems which had been implemented by the companies which had been shortlisted through the procurement exercise. This payment relates to accommodation at Birmingham which was the location of one of the site visits.

1.6.10 £33,090 Hotel Anna, MO
This payment relates to a meeting in Hungary about the Resgen project (Research Infrastructure to Sustainable Energy and Reduction of Co2 emissions) . This is a totally European funded project and so the costs were not met by the Council. The costs shown have not been converted from the original currency of Hungarian Forint and the correct amount is £105.10

28.5.10 £16,698 Hotel Matus
This payment relates to a meeting in Hungary about the Resgen project (Research Infrastructure to Sustainable Energy and Reduction of Co2 emissions ) . This is a totally European funded project and so the costs were not met by the Council. The costs shown have not been converted from the original currency of Hungarian Forint and the correct amount is £53.14

26.5.10 Taxi - more than £3,000 on return trip to Bolton
These charges relate to the annual cost of escorted transport for a Child in Care

12.5.10 Anti Fraud Subscription to Tameside for £3,425.64
This payment relates to the Council's Revenues and Benefits Service's annual subscription to the National Anti-Fraud Network. This is a not for profit organisation which is hosted by two local authorities - Tameside MBC and Brighton and Hove City Council which works with local authorities to provide support, advice and information on managing public funds and assets effectively. As of December 2010 82% of local authorities (335) were members.

5.5.10 Kevin Lavery's personal training at Omni Hotel, Berkshire £1,359.94
This relates to accommodation for the training Kevin Lavery attended in New York last year. The fee and expenses were paid for by the Council. His participation was part of his personal development and was properly approved. It was, and remains the only training Kevin has undertaken since joining Cornwall Council. This was extensively covered by the media at the time.

23.3.10 £4,930 on Specsavers Eye Care vouchers
The Health and Safety (Display Screen Equipment) Regulations 1992 allow new or existing users of display screen equipment (DSE) to request an eye and eyesight test by a qualified Ophthalmic Optician at the expense of the employer. If this test shows that special glasses (other than those normally worn by the user) are required for use with DSE, then the employer must provide them. To control the cost and manner in which the Council complies with this requirement, the Council has entered into an arrangement with a single provider - Specsavers. The spending identified relates directly to the operation of this scheme which ensures that the Council complies with the relevant health and safety legislation

8.3.10 Premier Inn £776
This payment relates to expenditure which was purchased on behalf of individual schools. The Council was then fully reimbursed by the schools involved and so there was no cost to the Council

25.2.10 Malaga - flights and hotels
The flights to Malaga and hotel accommodation relate to a British Council funded educational trip by the Council's Adviser for Global Education and Internationalism. All the costs related to this project are met by the British Council.

18.2.10 Mitsuta Yangumen £4,960 restaurant
This should have been £37. This payment relates to an education related trip and has been calculated in the original currency. The costs of the trip were met by the British Council and not by Cornwall Council

16.2.10 Daniels restaurant £8,510
this should have been £62.86
This payment relates to an education related trip and has been calculated in the original currency. The costs of the trip were met by the British Council and not by the Council

11.2.10 £536.50 Prince Rupert Hotel
This payment relates to expenditure which was purchased on behalf of individual schools. The Council was then fully reimbursed by the schools involved and so there was no cost to the Council

28.1.10 V.Talent Trip to London for 14 people - what's this? £2,156 on AirSouth West
This payment relates to flights for the young people travelling to London to take part in an awards ceremony for V project which is run by the National Youth Volunteering Organisation. This project is totally grant funded and, therefore, does not involve any Council funding.

14.1.10 Carolyn Rule and Council officer fly to Brussels for £1,223.80
This payment relates to attendance at a meeting about the European Regions of Culture. The Council representatives met with Commissioner Ann Branch, Head of the Culture Unit DG Culture and Education. All the costs were met from European funding

20.11.09 Fines - £1,317 - 3241
This payment relates to expenditure which was purchased on behalf of individual schools. The Council was then fully reimbursed by the schools involved and so there was no cost to the Council

16.11.09 The White Hart £543
This payment was for temporary accommodation for a family (husband, wife and four children) as a result of a fire.

12.9.09 Two nights accommodation Alveston House Hotel
This was accommodation for three members of staff to attend a forensic & security seminar. The hotel was £90 per night and they each stayed for 2 nights.

20.10.09 £930.25 Queens Hotel
This payment relates to expenditure which was purchased on behalf of individual schools. The Council was then fully reimbursed by the schools involved and so there was no cost to the Council

24.9.09 £1, 104 Golf Week Sponsorship
The payment relates to a marketing exercise carried out by the Council's Newquay Airport Development Team which focused on the Professional Golf Association (PGA) event which attracted golfers and spectators from all over the country. The team worked with Air Southwest and Flybe on this project which included producing a route map to identify major golf clubs throughout the country and the closest airport to which Newquay served to increase awareness. This was displayed at the event and handed out to all golfers/spectators. The costs of the sponsorship were charged back from each airline's joint funded marketing budget.

23.10.08 Beer mats £1,500
Unfortunately this payment was made by the former Cornwall County Council and not by Cornwall Council and it has not so far proved possible to identify which service was responsible for making the payment.

26.6.08 Hard To Find DJ equipment £2,779
This payment relates to the purchase of equipment by the Adult Education Service to set up a new DJ mixing course at the Falmouth Adult Education Centre. The course was aimed at students who hoped to attend Falmouth University to study for a degree in media. The costs of setting up this course were met from a variety of external sources and not from Cornwall Council.

6 3 09 £750 at the Sailors Arms
This payment relates to an event run by the Youth Service as part of their 'Positive Activities for Young People' project. It was funded through external grants and not by the Council

There is a small number of questions outstanding but I'm fairly sure they will also turn out to put the council in the clear. I suspect that the £1,500 on beermats will be for those like the one I have in front of me. It's for the Cornish Language Partnership - funded mainly by the Department of Communities and Local Government.