Santa Claus - Behaviour Problems
I was listening to Robbie Shepherd's Reel Blend this afternoon and he played a Scottish Dance Band version of When Santa Got Stuck Up The Chimney In case you're not familiar with the lyrics, let me remind you:
When Santa got stuck up the chimney,
He began to shout:
"You girls and boys,
Won't get any toys,
If you don't pull me out!"
"My beard is black,
There's soot in my sack,
My nose is tickling too!"
When Santa got stuck up the chimney,
"Aaachooo, achoo, achoo!"
Now this song has always troubled me so I thought it high time I shared these concerns with my own children. I called them away from stocking-hanging duties and deconstructed the lyrics thus:
1. You'll note he is stuck up the chimney, not down. This implies he has already been in the house and is returning to the rooftop. In which case his threat to withold presents is an idle one.
2. Would a man whose psychological make-up prompts him to travel the globe distributing toys be the kind of person who makes such threats in the first place?
3. Why complain that his facial hair has been dis-coloured by chimney soot? Surely this is an occupational hazard. Besides, why make an issue of personal vanity when suffocation is surely a greater concern?
4. Tickling nose and sneezing. An allergic reaction which, surely, should have been treated decades ago. Othwerise how does Santa sneak about private property unheard?
I had a dozen similar points to make, but then I looked up from my notes I saw that I was alone. A pity because I was about to move on to the themes of bullying and retribution conatined within Rudolf The Red-Nosed Reindeer.
Oh...and Merry Christmas by the way.
