Red Face Day
My walk through the beautiful cobbled streets of Kelso yesterday brought back memories of my first few weeks working for ´óÏó´«Ã½ Radio Scotland. Let me take you back to November 1993 and ask you to imagine me as a fresh-faced (slimmer) reporter straight off the newsdesk of a commercial radio station in Glasgow.
As Senior Producer for the ´óÏó´«Ã½ in Selkirk I discover that my first duty is to attend an accordion concert at the Tait Hall in Kelso. This has been organised to raise funds for the ´óÏó´«Ã½'s Children In Need charity and all I have to do is walk on to the stage at the end of the night and thank everyone involved.
Couldn't be easier eh? In fact I'm so confident in my abilities that I ask Mrz Z to come along and sit in the audience to watch my moment of triumph.
The concert goes really well and, as it draws to a close, the compere Bill Torrance invites me on to the stage with the following words:
"And now Jeff Zycinski from ´óÏó´«Ã½ Scotland is here to say a few words and indeed to lead us all in a rendition of 'we're no awa' to bide awa'".
Now, let's suppose I could carry a tune and let's suppose I actually know all the words to any songs. Well...that aint one of them.
So, I'm walking across the stage, the applause fading and an entire accordion orchestra waiting to support my vocals. Of course I know the first line of that song - who doesn't? - but what will I do after that?
"Oh we're no awa' tae bide awa'...we're no awa' tae leave you..."
Then I have a brilliant idea. I'll attack the audience!
"Come on everyone...sing along...you can do better than that."
And so I spend my remaining minutes on the stage, flapping my hands in the air as if conducting a huge choir.
But that wasn't the worst of it.
In the middle of that audience I could see one woman pointing at me and laughing. In fact, she was still laughing a week later.
My wife, of course.
