Crime Reporter
I was burgled once. It was years ago, before I was married, and I was living alone in a top-floor tenement flat on the south side of Glasgow. Battlefield actually, in case you're keen on details. I was also working night-shifts at Radio Clyde, reading the news from ten at night until half-past six the following morning.
That meant, of course, that my whereabouts was literally being broadcast to would-be house-breakers and, sure enough, I arrived home one morning to find my flat looking like an upturned midden. This was not uncommon in my bachelor days, but I also noticed the absence of a video recorder, a green parka jacket and a wee bag of five pence pieces. In other words, the robbers had taken everything of value. Naturally, I called the police.
A few days later two uniformed officers arrived at my loose-hinged door and I invited them in so they could dust for fingerprints and do some sleuthing. In no time at all those night-time raiders would be tracked down to their hideaway in the South of France. Wearing my parka jacket on the beach would give them away. The police would spring into action. Or so I hoped. Instead they vouchsafed the view that my worldy goods were gone forever and that I would have to get used to life without time-shifted television programmes. At least until I bought a new VCR.
They changed their tune, however, when they discovered where I worked. The world-weary expressions were replaced by excited smiles and a rapid-fire interrogation about the various disc-jockeys at the station.
"Do you know Tiger Tim?" asked one, "or Doctor Dick?" asked the other.
It was good cop/good cop for a full five minutes and then I found myself writing down the names of their various relatives and promising to honour their music requests and dedications. As for my stolen possessions...they were right, I never did see them again.
Anyway, I mention this story because we're having a crime season on ´óÏó´«Ã½ Radio Scotland at the moment. Various programmes will be picking up the theme and some of Scotland's best-known crime writers are offering to help listeners pen their own whodunnit.
I actually have four or five true stories about my dealings with the forces of justice, and I'll drop them into this blog during February.
Meanwhile...if anyone has that parka jacket...can I have it back?
