Paper Monitor
13:07 UK time, Friday, 16 February 2007
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Everybody, but everybody loves a quirky animal story. So when an elephant participating in a polo match spat out the dummy, throwing his rider and headbutting the opposition's mini-bus, it was always going to make a picture story.
THE JUMBO-SIZED TEMPER TANTRUM - says the Daily Mail, detailing how Abey the elephant packed in the game and lumbered about in a huff.
The shaken American rider and her teammates spoke of their shock, vowing not to play again as it was too dangerous. But one of their opponents was more philosophical: "Doing any sport is always a risk. Let's go surfing."
Meanwhile, the papers keep the Brits coverage going for a second day, detailing the fall-out of the assorted after-parties and wondering what's with Devon lass Joss Stone suddenly sporting an LA accent to match her LA tan and makeover.
The Times's fashion pages bemoan the lack of true rock chick chic at the ceremony. "The overdyed hair, the strident shade of lipstick, the chipped black nail polish: these things cannot and must not be the careful result of hours of styling, but the outcome of having done your make-up in the cab because you overslept after yesterday’s all-nighter."
The suggested style icon? No, not Lily, Amy, Russell or Ana. "The post-Kevin Britney looks trashy and unkempt because she is trashy and unkempt. She is, in her own small and pointless way, keeping it real."
Go, Brits!
Elsewhere, the paper devotes much space to horoscopes - Chinese horoscopes, that is, to mark the newly-dawned Year of the Pig.
"FAMOUS RAMS" it says, above a photo of Bill Gates and Michael Palin - to Paper Monitor's mind, two men less synonymous with rams would be hard to find. Camilla will surely take none too kindly to being referred to as a "FAMOUS PIG"; likewise Brigitte Bardot as a "FAMOUS DOG" or Prince Harry as a "FAMOUS RAT".
But Lord Archer and Sharon Osbourne will no doubt be pleased to be "FAMOUS DRAGONS".
And Paper Monitor's sign? It's impolite to ask one's age.
The 
