´óÏó´«Ã½

Snippets from the week's news, sliced, diced and processed for your convenience.

1. King Tut had buck teeth.

2. Britons send as many text messages in a week now as they did in the whole of 1999.

3. The defining measure for a kilogram is "Le Grand K", a cylinder of platinum and iridium held in Paris.

4. Using camera traps to count tigers - differentiated by their stripe patterns - was pioneered in the 1920s by Englishman FW Champion.

5. There are 29 "Labour and the Co-operative Party" MPs in Parliament, including Ed Balls.

6. The Italian Mafia have commandments.

7. Gun ownership per person in Finland is the third highest in the world.

8. Dinosaurs breathed like penguins.

9. The brain can turn down its ability to see in order to listen to complex sounds like music.

10. For every one millibar decrease in pressure the sea rises 1cm.

Seen 10 things? . Thanks to Sue Jones, Huntingdon, for this week's picture of 10 starlings.

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Being my usual pedantic self, does not weigh 1kg nor has it ever weighed 1kg. Its mass is the definition of what a 1kg is. You could steal half of it and the definition would be unchanged, although you will have doubled the mass of the universe in return.
John Airey, Peterborough, UK

Is the estimated value of from before they were broken into hundreds of pieces or now that they are repaired.
Stoo, Lancashire, UK

"Brownsea Island was the birthplace of the scouting movement in 1907 and is now owned by the National Trust. Furzey Island is owned by BP" (). Wow - I hadn't realised Scouting's founder had bought one of the neighbouring islands.
Christina, Bath

This is amazing. Not only do I have the fun of the Monitor, I have the fun of Dan Wilkinson's graph. Half-an-hour early today Paper Monitor. You get a gold star, especially on a Friday.
Emma, London

I've often thought a "see results" option on your Daily Mini-Quiz would be a good idea. Sometimes I have no opinion on a poll but am curious as to the results, yet I have to vote in order to see the results. At other times I have already voted and then come back later to see the results yet, it would appear, the only way to view the results is to vote again.
Tony Sibley, Berkshire

Re : the worst duty of an astronaut's wife was when she got the call that one of the men had been killed, and could she please go and sit with the widow and *not* tell her, until the Nasa liaison officer arrived and could tell her officially. Surely one of the hardest things in the world.
Sarah Bowyer, Reading, UK

"Time to find a less cliched cliche" (Your letters, 8 November)? Don't you mean a less clichée cliche? As far as I know "cliche" is now an English word, but if you want an adjective, you still have to borrow from the Surrender Monkeys.
Ben Jones, Kilburn, NW2

Look, just tell us: is the iPhone (stories in the last three days: , , , here and here) forming part of your new advertising? If not, could you please just shut up about it?! I've never seen so much publicity fluff masquerading as news.
Steve Clennell, Burton on Trent, UK

I wonder if Winona Ryder got the part of because she already has the ears?
David, Gateshead

Re Thursday's Quote of the Day: "Abrams, Fensterman, Fensterman, Eisman, Greenberg, Gormato and Einiger" - weren't they all the firemen in the US remake of Trumpton?Sue Lee, London

There's an MM group on Facebook? At last I have a reason to sign up!
Margaret Grant, Christchurch, NZ

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Still a few days to go until the launch of ITV's I'm a Celebrity… but already the tabloids are throwing everything they've got at the story. Yesterday's Daily Mail called into question the credentials of the line-up, rhetorically asking "So you're a celebrity?"

The whispers had been of "Delia Smith and Paris Hilton… there were even wild rumours about Gary Glitter", it said. Granted, Hilton has A-list status, but Delia Smith? And were Glitter to make the selection, Paper Monitor couldn't imagine the Mail taking it in good humour.

Today's Sun gives us the full line-up with pen profiles, including personal set-backs - although when talking about the Fairbrass brothers of Right Said Fred fame, it's perhaps a little disingenuous to note their "troubles" as being "heavily into the latex fetish scene".

To go off on a slight tangent, Paper Monitor has never quite *got* the show. Would its organisers really endanger the health, much less the lives, of these pampered celebs?

Could Paper Monitor suggest a more edgy reality show? Maybe pro-celebrity golf in extreme circumstances? It seems to be all the rage after all, particularly in the features supplements. Yesterday's Times 2 led with a piece about golf in Zimbabwe. Today's Independent Extra runs with "Golf in a war zone. Teeing off in the most dangerous places on earth". The piece hinges on a round at the Kabul Golf Club, but then there are two further pages on golf courses in unlikely locations. And then, ditching the whole dangerous places theme entirely, there are two pages simply on the "world's eight most awesome courses".

And so (as newspaper diarists' are wont to say) to Tracey Emin's column, also in the Indy, which this week is brought to us from Los Angeles. Full marks to the paper for co-opting that tabloid stunt of picturing a celeb – in this case Ms Emin – reading a recent copy of the paper in which he/she appears. Quite how the "artfant terrible" managed to track down a copy of the Indy in LA is a bit of a mystery, but also, look closely. The edition she is reading is last Friday's. And Ms Emin seems to be engrossed in something toward the middle of the paper. Is she simply reading her own column?

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One in 10 men think , according to research for the Terrence Higgins Trust, and men make up barely a fifth of the under-25s tested for the sexually transmitted infection.

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I've posted a graph on the MM facebook group showing the publication times for the various portions of Magazine over the last fortnight. From this I predict todays letters page to arrive at 16:20, although whether mine will be in it remains to be seen.
Dan Wilkinson, Chesterfield, UK

What do say about us? I suspect it will become crystal clear what the new London Olympic stadium says about London in 2013, when it's finished.
Adam, London, UK

Am I the only one who simulated a sexy walk in my chair today in an effort to answer todays correctly?
Thought not...
Sam , Waddesdon, Nr Aylesbury, UK

James (Wednesday's letters), you may notice that the ´óÏó´«Ã½ website does it an awful lot - just have a look when Brown gets a mauling in PQT (photo: looking dog-rough and tired) as compared to when he does well (photo: Cheshire-cat grin)
Basil Long, Newark Notts

Anyone else, after reading the , say: "Your boys took one HELL of a beating!" in their heads?
John Henry, London, UK

Tim (Wednesday's letters), clearly the scientific link has been misunderstood and puddings actually reduce obesity (probably by filling people up so they don't snack on nasty salad). I shall certainly be putting it to trial.
Ian, Winchester, UK

In honour of yesterday's pudding story, I made bread and butter pud last night. There might be some leftovers if anyone wants some?
Jennifer, Southampton

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

As noted, it's hard not to have an opinion on a national stadium. After the furore about the Olympic logo, what do the papers make of the design for London's 2012 Olympic stadium?

The Guardian's architecture critic Jonathan Glancey is underwhelmed - "small and sensible… matter-of-fact and just a little mousey".

It mightn't sound like a drubbing but in the urbane corridors of architecture practices up and down the country - where a copy of the Guardian is as much of a prerequisite as a Moleskine notebook - there's nothing quite as hurtful as faint praise.

Glancey at least desists from landing a killer blow, concluding "this will certainly be no white elephant".

Er, maybe not, according to the Daily Express, which clearly cannot claim subtlety as a strong suit. It has rendered the stadium in cartoon form to resemble a large, er, elephant, pale of hue. Now what can they be trying to say?

The Daily Mail is just plain unsure: "Gold for brilliance" is its rather unequivocal headline on the story, although its editorial asks "are we looking at another white elephant like the Dome?" Come on guys, time to find a less cliched cliche...

The Sun's awe is conveyed in it giving over a centre-page spread to the design, and the fact it compares it to Rome's Colosseum.

The Daily Mirror meanwhile drafts in arch aesthete Stephen Bayley, late of the Independent, who has always done a fine line in not-so-faint praise. So Stephen, what do you make of the £496m centrepiece of London's Olympic plans? "A lavatory bowl."

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A poll of more than 1,000 Germans by the Forsa Institute found that 36% of those from the former East Germany preferred life before the fall of the Berlin Wall 19 years ago.

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Re - am I the only one who reads that like a Dr Who plotline?
Alex D, Southampton, UK

Does it annoy anyone else that when the media show a photo of someone who has been accused of a crime (or even someone who is just being questioned about it), they somehow manage to find a dreadful, suspicious-looking photo of them that screams "I'm guilty", where they are looking down and away from the camera, usually wearing old clothes and with dishevelled hair? Presumably they could just as easily find a nice, normal attractive photo of them where they are smiling and looking directly at the camera, since they seem to manage that for any victim of a crime/accident.
James Murray, Gloucester

Re random stat: if pudding consumption has fallen how come all we hear about is obesity?
Tim McMahon, Pennar, Wales

Further to Tuesday's letters, the Queen obviously keeps what all proper grans keep in their bags - soft tissues, astral cream, a comb and a brolly - perhaps some boiled sweets if Philip is lucky....
Angharad Beurle-Williams, Brixton, London

I was able to observe Her Majesty a few months ago (at the 90th anniversary of the 3rd battle of Passchendaele in Belgium) and, having always been intrigued by this very same question, I had a good look. On this occassion she got out her glasses, a hanky and a packet of mints (passing one to Prince Philip). When the service had finished, she put her order of service in her handbag as well.
Gill, Norwich

Re : Haven't they got enough to do without worrying about whether we're putting enough stamps on stuff?
Graham, Frome

The "(left)" accompanying the final two pictures in is surely superfluous. I'm not aware of anyone who would mistake Anna Wintour for Her Majesty.
Susan, Nottingham

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

There are precious few papers in Monitor Towers today, the paper boy seems to have snoozed through his wake-up call this morning.

On such mornings, the ensuing fight over the few newspapers that make it into the office are reminiscent of a scene narrated in David Attenborough's hushed tones. It's an unseemly scramble, and one that Paper Monitor, being of a delicate disposition first thing, declines to take part in.

Once the dust has settled and the fur is no longer flying, just a few scraps remain. There is last Thursday's G2, in which women share their experiences of late abortions. Not one, but two copies of the Financial Times' pull-out section entitled "DOING BUSINESS IN..." wait for it.... "JERSEY". And the Daily Express, which once again does not lead with Madeleine (although she does get a mention) and instead divides its front page between the arrest of the "girl flatmate" of murdered student Meredith Kercher, and Sir Paul McCartney's alleged new flame. Who looks at first glance very much like Kate Middleton. Only is most certainly not. Because that really would be some story.

Last but not least, there remains a sole copy of the Independent's features section. Not even the newspaper proper, of which there is usually at least five copies. Paper Monitor rarely delves into this mini-magazine ever since reading rather too much about cheese in Alex James's column. But today is certainly the day to put all thoughts of Double Gloucester aside.

There is an old black and white photo of a man with a cello. Perhaps aware that this image is not in itself particularly grabbing, the headline writers have pulled out all the stops to come up with a page-turner:
"Branded a coward
Labelled a communist
Dismissed by his peers
Forgotten by the critics
Now, finally rediscovered
THE GENIUS OF JOHN FOULDS"

Yes, a cracking tale - lavishly illustrated with photos from the WWI trenches and other "proscribed musicians" - but then they go and spoil it all by squeezing Alex James into the corner of one page. And he's still going on about cheese... well, to be fair, it's not cheese this time, but smoking at parties. Apparently all the interesting people can be found outside, wrapped up against the chill winter, puffing away. Including Alex, presumably, banging on about cheese.

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Research for Premier Foods - the makers of Bird's Custard - shows a 60% fall in pudding consumption in the past 10 years. Now, unsurprisingly, the company is trying to reawaken the nation's love for traditional puds such as jam roly-poly, spotted dick and sticky toffee pudding.

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Re the new adverts for international users and this from the FAQs: "so rather than charge users to subscribe we decided that an advertising model was the best way to fund the upgrade". How come no one saw fit to ask the afore-mentioned international users? I would much rather pay for a subscription and receive no adverts. Surely you can run both options for those who want an advert free service.
Owain WIlliams, Munich

I see that the promised adverts have arrived on the international version of the ´óÏó´«Ã½ website. However, on a slow connection, it leaves a big gap at the top of the page while the advert loads on the right. Is this a teething problem or will I just have to put up with this annoyance?
Gareth, Tokyo, Japan

Urgh! I've just seen my first ads on the ´óÏó´«Ã½ website. It's very weird and a little disturbing, like watching your real auntie dressing up in tight and revealing clothes that are 20 years too young for her.
Hereward Hall, Dublin, Ireland

As a second-year chemist, I feel I have to raise an issue with John Airey's comment (Your letters, 5 November). A biodegradable bag can't only form water and oxgyen, unless the bag was made of peroxide. There is most certainly carbon given off, be it as gas, or some fuel for bacteria.
Christian Haythorn, Manchester

Is it the that causes them to want to ?
HB, London

Having discovered that and that her sturdy handbag is in vogue, does anyone know (suggest) what she keeps in it, assuming she doesn't need like the rest of us money, doorkeys or a phone?
SD, London

Re the story that a pregnant Kerry Katona "cannot curb her smoking habit": surely going from 20 a day to one is by anyone's definition "curbing" of the highest order. I think the word that's needed is "stop".
Dan W, Chesterfield, UK

, ... Which is which here, or is the 2012 ambition to be in Broadway, or is Paula running in Broadway?
Mike Harper, Devon, UK

Ever since I read about , I have been wondering how seven people would go about sharing a bladder. Can anyone enlighten me?
Ozzie Becca, Withcott, Queensland, Australia

Nich Hill (Your letters, 5 November), the article left out the relevant fact about the Red Arrow's paint job ie that the words "Red Arrows" have been replaced by "Royal Air Force". The intention is apparently to remind spectators that the Arrows personnel are all serving officers. Of course this wouldn't be anything to do with reinforcing the RAF's name as a brand.
Paul Clare, Nottingham

There's some dodgy maths in the report.
To see which sort of billions you're using, I calculated it back from the 4,000 per second.
4,000 x 60 = 240,000 per minute.
240,000 x 60 = 14,400,000 per hour
14,400,000 x 24 = 345,600,000 per day.
With 30 days in September that would be 10,368,000,000. Or 10 billion.
Caroline Brown, Rochester, UK

The children as young as 15 are involved in "terrorist related activities". Well, of course they are, has he not checked the date on which he said it?
Christian Cook, Epsom, UK

Does explain why people turn their car radios down if they're looking for a particular place whilst driving?
Rob, Birmingham, UK

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Having just polished off a bowl of Credit Crunch, a dubious new breakfast cereal that threatens all sorts of digestive disquiet, Paper Monitor is all fired up and ready for its main course: a hefty helping of newsprint with lashings of freebie offers.

The Times (free Pizza, 2 for 1 at every Pizza Express) is preaching to the converted in this case, with a front page splash on the latest developments in the world of finance. "Credit card users hurt by squeeze" says the headline. "Nearly half of all shoppers seeking credit cards are being refused…" Just in case you can't read ordinary newspaper type, look there's a graphic of credit cards and fake rubber stamp impressions saying "REFUSED" and "REJECTED".

The Daily Telegraph (free best-selling novel by James Patterson) has a different take altogether on the hurdy gurdy world of finance on its front page – a svelte and tanned woman dressed in a backless leopard print (the first resort of middle-aged women wanting to look sassy) dress. Eh? What’s that got to do with the confidence-sapping financial environment du jour? Well, said lady is married to a bloke who invested several million squid in Sainsbury's, only to see his gains wiped out when the people planning a takeover, bailed out. Not convinced? Look, there's another picture of her on the inside showing ample cleavage. What's more there's also a picture of the couple's "£18m five-story mansion".

No such licentious behaviour on the front of the Guardian (free, er, articles from the Guardian of yore… repackaged as a "Best of"), where olives have been replaced by bananas. Shippers of the fruit are taking advantage of tax havens, according to the paper.

Forget freebies at the Daily Express, the big bonus is it NOT leading with a Madeleine story. In these times of privation, one has to be thankful for small mercies.

Finally, all credit (sans crunch) to the Sun for its front page headline: "Macca's smacker with a married cracker". Interest rates may soar, stock markets may plummet, but through it all Paper Monitor will always cherish its Sun.

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About 67% of pornographic publications reviewed by the Pentagon have been banned from sale on US military bases. A review followed complaints by anti-pornography activists who claimed the sale of porn was illegal. The review board ruled that while titles such as Celebrity Skin, Penthouse and Playboy's College Girls were allowed because they were not sexually explicit "based on the totality of each magazine's content", videos including Girls Night In and Blonde and Beyond should be banned from sale.

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So . I don't know about you, but I'm convinced that that little girl in the yellow raincoat is in reality just about to pick her nose.
Rob Falconer, Llandough, Wales

Am I the only person whose brain inserted an apostrophe into ?
David Richerby, Leeds, UK

Re the Guardian's quandry about olives being sold at farmers' markets (Paper Monitor, Monday 5 November), I don't see what the problem with olives is. If farmers' markets keep selling things with big enough carbon footprints, then surely it won't be too long before we can grow olives locally, and their dilemma will disappear.
Adam, London, UK

On reading the headline I couldn't help but think, "I bet they'll start with Clarkson."
James, Edinburgh, UK

I would like to nominate the story as the most useless I have read today. At no point is there any description of the new design - will they even still be red?
Nich Hill, Gosport UK

So by the police using his name to lure wanted criminals out of hiding? Or is it more the fact that only 30 out of the 500 invited actually turned up?
Dylan, Reading, UK

Doug (Your letters, Friday 2 November), biodegradable bags aren't new and they degrade into oxygen and water as I recall.
John Airey, Peterborough, UK

Rich (Your letters, Friday 2 November) in London. It's 1973. Nearly dinner time. I'm having hoops.
DCI Gene Huny, Manchester, UK

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Few papers could ask "Why olives are the thin end of the wedge" and their readers let them get away with it.

To your average Guardianista though news that farmers' markets are in an ethical bind about whether or not to sell olives is about as audience-tailored a Madeleine splash in the Express... of which there's another today.

The crux of the issue is this: if farmers' markets are all about being a showcase for locally-produced produce with not a whiff of air miles to detract from their desirability, then where does that leave olives? As one stallholder comments: "I like the olive people but you can't pretend that olives are local, can you?"

Paper Monitor duly thanks the Guardian for highlighting this hitherto overlooked eco-dilemma and wonders whether the Tuscan backlash starts here.

By tomorrow, the olives debate will surely move on to the Guardian's letters page, before eliciting a pronouncement from in-house ethical agony uncle Leo Hickman. Where will it end? With an "In praise of… Kalamata"?

Speaking of which, today's "In praise of…" (for non-Guardian readers, it's a daily strand on the paper's comment and opinion pages) extols the virtues of Harris tweed. Given that the rest of the press are preoccupied with a story about the Queen being named a glamour icon by vogue, Paper Monitor detects a chink in the paper's avowed republican tendencies.

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Fifteen per cent of people have checked their e-mails at a wedding, according to a survey. Just over a quarter (26%) of the 3,000 people surveyed by 72 Point for Leaders of London, said they had checked their inbox while on holiday.

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