Paper Monitor
12:55 UK time, Wednesday, 7 November 2007
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
There are precious few papers in Monitor Towers today, the paper boy seems to have snoozed through his wake-up call this morning.
On such mornings, the ensuing fight over the few newspapers that make it into the office are reminiscent of a scene narrated in David Attenborough's hushed tones. It's an unseemly scramble, and one that Paper Monitor, being of a delicate disposition first thing, declines to take part in.
Once the dust has settled and the fur is no longer flying, just a few scraps remain. There is last Thursday's G2, in which women share their experiences of late abortions. Not one, but two copies of the Financial Times' pull-out section entitled "DOING BUSINESS IN..." wait for it.... "JERSEY". And the Daily Express, which once again does not lead with Madeleine (although she does get a mention) and instead divides its front page between the arrest of the "girl flatmate" of murdered student Meredith Kercher, and Sir Paul McCartney's alleged new flame. Who looks at first glance very much like Kate Middleton. Only is most certainly not. Because that really would be some story.
Last but not least, there remains a sole copy of the Independent's features section. Not even the newspaper proper, of which there is usually at least five copies. Paper Monitor rarely delves into this mini-magazine ever since reading rather too much about cheese in Alex James's column. But today is certainly the day to put all thoughts of Double Gloucester aside.
There is an old black and white photo of a man with a cello. Perhaps aware that this image is not in itself particularly grabbing, the headline writers have pulled out all the stops to come up with a page-turner:
"Branded a coward
Labelled a communist
Dismissed by his peers
Forgotten by the critics
Now, finally rediscovered
THE GENIUS OF JOHN FOULDS"
Yes, a cracking tale - lavishly illustrated with photos from the WWI trenches and other "proscribed musicians" - but then they go and spoil it all by squeezing Alex James into the corner of one page. And he's still going on about cheese... well, to be fair, it's not cheese this time, but smoking at parties. Apparently all the interesting people can be found outside, wrapped up against the chill winter, puffing away. Including Alex, presumably, banging on about cheese.
The 
