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Conchita, that's very naughty, now give Mr Miliband his teddy back..

Bear necessities

Damon Albarn introduces a new character, Teddsy, into his Monkey opera.

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Scientists hail breakthrough in successfully mating monkey with boa constrictor

Wey, hey, we're the Monkeys

You should have sent me to Specsavers, Mummy

Conchita had wanted Paddington, but alas Fozzie would have to do

Paddington Bear remembers just why he left Peru in the first place!

Evelyn Waugh finally decided to revise the first draft of "Brideshead Revisited"

Tarzan was actually a lot hairier than in Edgar Rice Burrough's book

At the Teddy Bear's picnic, seems the surprise was that they weren't all cuddly herbivores..

100 Grand in used notes or the teddy gets it!

I was famous once, I used to do the trailers for ´óÏó´«Ã½'s Olympic coverage... hmmph... I used to be on the testcard....

Newly discovered Ross Perot baby pictures published by the Sun

Dope on a rope

She's MY hunnybear I tell you! All MINE! Now, back off!

Leave my mum alone, you reporters! She's got laryngitis and can't speak...

Time for your make-up, Mr Bean

Knowing that his time in office was drawing to a close, President Bush sought comfort with one of his closest friends.

Quick, take my picture cuddling this monkey

When I asked for a photo of a mischievous young thing in a teddy, this wasn't what I had in mind...

Bear with me....

I've never even heard of Harry Harlow 1958! I just love my Teddy!
(psychology joke, look it up!)

Mummy said I had bear faced cheek.
Seems she was right.

Please don't let them make me watch Big Brother, please teddy..

The line-up for the new series of Strictly Come Dancing is unveiled.

Announcement of new 'Celebrity Come Dancing' couple raises eyebrows

Dolores had obviously misunderstood what Rodney meant by the monkey and teddy comment

"Your mother and I have been talking, and we think it's time to tell you we're not your real parents"

Conchita still has alot to learn about un-doing bra straps.

Terrorists train monkeys in gorilla warfare

When Conchita said she needed a pooh this wan't quite what she had in mind......

Why did they christen me Conchita? Actually, I eat shells.

monkey bears resemblence......

Brideshead Zoo Revisited

My mother can't talk to the press at the moment. She's just had her dinner and she's stuffed.

...and I'm a monkey's uncle.

Unfortunately, the experiment failed when someone left a mirror in the monkey enclosure

More revelations from behind the scenes of X Factor, as the 'real' voice of Simon Cowell is revealed..

What d'you mean we don't look alike? She has my eyes.

I Warn You - Take This Away From Me And I'll Go Ape !

Oi - Cuddles !

Wiinnie-the-Pooh finally managed to find someone Brad and Angelina had missed

New Strictly Come Dancing line-up announced

Rowan Atkinson was later found hugged to death in a corner of the monkey enclosure

She's named him Charleton

Wouldn't Robert have been a better name for the monkey? Robert Mangabey.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the worlds funniest super glue accident

Animals made homeless after a zoo is repossessed, as sub-primate mortgage crisis worsens.

She's named him Charlton

(spelling correction)

Beary Primates !

Conchita's mother was an avid astrologist and often asked "What's ursine?"

Leaving her surrogate mother was a great wrench for the monkey.

"I'm a Believer," said the monkey

Charles and Camilla cuddle for a photo opportunity.

Fostering has really transformed me.People used to say I could be a real bear.

It was going to be tough to replace Roddy McDowall in the prequel to the Planet of the Apes

Fostering service in crisis: attempt discovered to cover up shortage of suitable foster parents and children.

"Don't move teddy, just a few more snaps for them to aaargghh over!"

One more move and the bear gets it

They call her Conchita's foster mother because they wash her in Australian lager - no wonder she's hugging her so tightly

Manchester United reject claim that Rooney's cousin is too young to sign

An early draft of "Brideshead Revisited" had featured Lord Greystoke

Prince Charles' first birthday pictures revealed on internet

Conchita was a whizz at the coconut shy.

Now that's what I call a bear hug!

Outrage at latest range of living fur stoles aimed at pre-school market.

A Chimp Off The Old Block !

Directors of the Olympic closing ceremony were relieved to find that, this time, the one with the cute face also had the voice.

Please, someone help me, I think mummy is dead.

Judging from the ragged remains in the tiger enclosure, the foster-mother project was not quite so successful.

Here we come, walkin'
Down the street.
We get the funniest looks from
Ev'ry one we meet.
Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around.
But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down!

I think with a bit of practice we could win Strictly Come Dancing

Whaddya mean, she's not my mum? Look at the ears, mate, the ears! Hers are only fluffier 'cos she comes from Norway.

(1) Bubbles.
(2) Bubbles on being told that Michael Jackson was successful in his custody battle.

Conchita says her final goodbye, as the end of the Olympics marked the return of traditional menus to restaurants.

No I'm not a Baboon - they have a bear behind!

All this media attention is enough to make me fill macaques...

Vivisection scandal as protesters claim Pfizer has unlawfully tested new aphrodisiac.

The keeper at the monkey enclosure was a bit deaf, and hadn't quite grasped the suggestion that Conchita exercise more by taking up Yoga

Joan Rivers heard on the grapevine that hugging teddy bears could help fight signs of aging.

Daddy Bear: Who has been eating my porridge!?
Mummy Bear: Who has been eating my porridge?!
Baby Bear - splutters, gargle: help!

What do you mean it's a rare Steiff? It still comes apart just as easy!

Mother Bear with Ursa Minor

The ´óÏó´«Ã½ were forced to look for another mascot following the 'Mudsy-Pudsey In Funky-Monkey Cage-Rage Banana-Bender' tabloid stories...

Paddington's greatest fears were realized when he met his new cell mate.

Hamley's announce they have been raided by a team of very agile burglars

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Teddy: "So...you really ARE the reincarnation of Rosemary Clooney?"

In a very unusual Siamese twin separation surgeons were concerned that traumatic loss of stuffing might lead to teddy's demise.

You may well laugh - but when you're as scared as I am you'll cling to anything!

Zookepers hoped nobody would notice Charlotte, the bear's 7 year old owner, in the lion cage

Will you be my new Mummy? The nasty men ate her face and sucked out her eyes.

Who's the Teddy?

He aint heavy, he's my monkey.

"Aloysius and I have come down for the new Brideshead auditions, don't you know?"

Ken and Barbie are back together.

You'll look after me won't you Ted....

No Conchita, you can't call your foster parent "Mohammed". How about Mary?