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Archives for December 28, 2008 - January 3, 2009

10 things we didn't know last week

14:52 UK time, Friday, 2 January 2009

10birds.jpgSnippets from the week's news, sliced, diced and processed for your convenience.

1. Sharks have weak jaws.

2. Since 1972, 24 "leap seconds" have been added to the world's "time" because of the earth's slowing rotation.

3. Blind children used to be taught to write Braille right to left, so it could be turned over and read left to right.

4. Using both hands to read Braille achieves an average speed of 115 words per minute, compared with 250 words per minute for sighted reading.

5. Gold medal winner Chris Hoy was inspired to cycle by ET.

6. Jatropha plant oil can be used to fuel planes.

7. Dieting impairs your ability fo fight flu.

8. Chinese people spend three times longer online, for leisure, than the average Danish person.

9. Only older mosquitoes pass on dengue.

10. Our facial expressions are hardwired into our brains rather than learned during life.

Seen 10 things? . Thanks to Catherine Spencer for her picture of 10 pigeons in Lancashire.

Your Letters

14:17 UK time, Friday, 2 January 2009

Comments

Tut, Tut, Monitor. How often have we read your supercilious references to the Telegraph or tabloids using pictures of pretty ladies ("eye candy"?) with very tenuous links to the stories? And today's quiz about dirty cars has... a bikini-clad windscreen cleaner lady.
Keith, Lismore, Ireland

I suppose we should be grateful that the train operating companies are doing .
Michael Hall, Croydon, UK

Perhaps the Monitor could take a leaf out of Tom Algie's book, take a well-earned day off and leave the letters page open and unmoderated? A polite note would ensure that people only submitted pertinent and succinct letters, witty and impeccably spelt with just a soupcon of ambiguity or inaccuracy to generate a handful of clever-clever replies for the week ahead.
Mike, Newcastle upon Tyne
Monitor note: Go to it, using the comments form below

Yet more nominative determinism - who would have thought that Dr Carr would be in his lock-up?
Tink, Reading

Update: Design a cover for the Magazine's 2008 Annual

11:38 UK time, Friday, 2 January 2009

Due to unforeseen technical considerations the downloadable Magazine 2008 Annual has also been delayed by a - with publication leaping from this week to next, the second week of January.

Readers will have to wait until then to see Paula Lewis' winning design for the front cover. Apologies for the hold-up.

And without any hint of cynical ingratiation, the Monitor would like to wish all its readers a happy new year.

Paper Monitor

11:22 UK time, Friday, 2 January 2009

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

As home-grown New Year festivities reached full frenzy too late for yesterday's papers, today's Daily Mail makes up for lost time with a double-page spread depicting worse-for-wear revellers.

While the blokes pictured are, to a man, bloodied, the laaaaydies are comatose with drink. And not a coat or scarf among them. Any could be a successor to Drunk Girl, whose image illustrates a thousand articles on binge drinking.

One in particular could be Drunk Girl's sister, and will no doubt be added to the Mail picture desk's stockpot. She sits on the pavement in her party frock, high heels and opaque tights (sensible choice). Her head rests in her hands, hair flopping forward, obscuring her face. And in the background, a discarded can of Carling gleams in the sulphuric light of a street lamp.

Meanwhile, the picture desk has been kept busy playing mix and match in a feature entitled "CELEBRITY HAIR SWOP". Incidentally, why do they spell "swap" that way?

Six "iconic" dos - Kate Winslet's blonde waves, Katie Holmes' dark bob, Agyness Deyn's peroxide crop etc - are spliced onto the faces of Britney, Nigella, Kylie, Madonna, Cheryl et al. And the results? Britney should go brunette. Again. And Catherine Zeta Jones should consider bleach-blonde and choppy - a huge departure from her usual look, but one which, strangely, works.

And finally, a mini-epic (is such a thing possible?) of a headline. "They're one of the countryside's most majestic sights - but ravenous, sexually voracious deer are laying waste to vast swathes of Britain. So is it time to start slaughtering these..."

Who, who? Can't be binge-drinkers again, as "majestic" doesn't really apply...

"... VANDALS WITH ANTLERS"

Yes, countless wild deer are munching their way through the vineyards, market gardens and woodlands of Britain - "more than at any time since Edward the Confessor sat on the throne in the 11th Century".

An extraordinary claim, perhaps the most extraordinary unit of measure used since, er, Edward the Confessor sat on the throne in the 11th Century.

Going Postal III

10:07 UK time, Friday, 2 January 2009

postbox_getty203.jpgThe good news is that all 25 Christmas cards sent by the Magazine to 25 readers have now arrived.

The bad news in our good-natured postal experiment is that two did not make it in time for Christmas, despite being sent second-class on Thursday, 18 December - the last day for second-class Christmas post.

The last recipient accounted for was Natalie Ellis in Bradford, who got in touch yesterday to report that her partner had forgotten to mention that it did arrive last Saturday. And it now has pride of place on her mantelpiece.

So nearly all the cards arrived on time. Well done, Royal Mail. After all - to misquote Meat Loaf - 23 out of 25 ain't bad.

Friday's Quote of the Day

09:03 UK time, Friday, 2 January 2009

See the Quote of the Day every morning on the .

"This is why we moved to Settle. The shop would have been cleaned out in two-and-a-half minutes in Bolton" - Comment placed in honesty box in hardware shop unmanned on Boxing Day

Tom Algie wanted Boxing Day off from his hardware shop in Settle, North Yorkshire, but so did his staff. His answer was to leave the shop open and a note appealing for customers to leave the right money in an honesty box. He took £187.66, with no evidence of pinching, he said. And of course he got a bit of free publicity.

Your Letters

14:07 UK time, Thursday, 1 January 2009

Happy Monitor New Year to one and all!! Obviously last year was the Monitor Year of the Cabbage (or was it the Year of the Coat?) Anyway...I can't seem to remember what 2009 is the Monitor Year of. Can anyone help?
Rachel, Nottingham

Am I the only one who is relieved to read (100 things) that men eat more Brussels sprouts and broccoli than women...?
Maggie, south London

Easter Watch 2009! I saw Easter eggs in Waitrose and hot cross buns in Sainbury's - yesterday. Ridiculously early, before the New Year had begun. Shame on the supermarkets. Happy New Year to everyone and may your lives be so full you don't think of Easter until Easter.
Sarah, Woking

Thanks, Adam, for your good wishes (Weds letters). Just hope no one has a hangover the size of Wales.
Helene Parry, S Wales expat to Brentford Lock

Happy New Year to you, Adam, and to all other contributors to Magazine Monitor. It's wonderful to be in touch.
Rosy in Oz, Kempsey Australia

Paper Monitor

12:38 UK time, Thursday, 1 January 2009

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

A rather under-nourished lot, the New Year's Day papers. Unsurprisingly, they are low in fibre-filled news but high in less-nutritious 2009 previews and predictions.

Even the big British news story of the night, the midnight celebrations, came too late to make the first editions, which instead have pictures of fireworks in Sydney Harbour all over their front pages.

But to save readers indigestion from the high-calorie consumption of these tips and listings, here's a summary of what's in store in 2009.

The Times gives 2009 the most original treatment by summarising all the new law changes that came into force at midnight, such as coastguards no longer being allowed to fire flares during night rescues.

There's an "ANNUS FABULOUS" guide to a happy 2009 in the Sun, including the Take That tour, the return of ITV's Dancing on Ice and St George's Day.

The Independent predicts it's the year of the bicycle and provides training tips from Olympian Victoria Pendleton.

Twenty top tips to beat the credit crunch - such as recycling mobile phones and complaining more at poor service - preoccupies the Daily Express.

And the Guardian provides a wallchart (it was the year for them) of sporting events to look out for. The Telegraph has the same thought but eschews the chartus muralus format for a good, old-fashioned 11-page guide.

Looking rather out of step, the Daily Mail chooses the first day of 2009 to look back at those memorable quotes from errrrrrm, 2008.

The Daily Star leaves it to its page three model and soap actress Gemma Merna to toast the new year with a confident prediction: "I would like to see Carmel and Calvin settle down in 2009 and start to enjoy being married."

How lovely. But wait a minute. Who are Calvin and Carmel? Did I miss something?

Maybe the rest of the UK beyond Paper Monitor Towers already knows who Calvin and Carmel are, and the Star felt no need to state the obvious.

But for those one or two readers who don't know, we'll find out for you in a few clicks on a certain internet search engine.

Click, click.

Calvin and Carmel are characters in Hollyoaks. Here's to their happy marriage.

100 things we didn't know last year

09:53 UK time, Thursday, 1 January 2009

things.416.jpg

Interesting and unexpected facts can emerge from the daily news stories and the Magazine documents some of them in its weekly feature, 10 things we didn't know last week. To kick off 2009, here are some of the best of last year.

1. Victorians believed smoking cleared the lungs - and struck off Dr Thomas Allinson, who founded the bakery of the same name, for describing nicotine as a "foul poison" and advocating healthy eating.

2. Police are not required to clean up a crime scene once evidence has been gathered.

3. Octopuses need mental stimulation.

4. Etiquette dictates that at dinner parties, a man should always talk to the woman on his left during the first course, and right during the main course.

5. Both men and women find long legs in the opposite sex attractive, but not too long.

6. Carrots used to be purple.

7. Only offal-free versions of haggis are available in the United States.

8. A bear helped carry ammunition for Polish troops during World War II.

9. Swedes have a word for a man who visits prostitutes - torsk.

10. The age at which we are most vulnerable to depression is 44, while a 70-year-old who is physically fit is, on average, as happy and mentally healthy as a 20-year-old.

11. St Kilda has no rats.

12. The oldest Mormon congregation in the world is in Preston, Lancashire.

13. A fire at a landfill site in Guernsey has been smouldering for three years.

14. Brain tumours can be diagnosed by a handshake.

15. Whales catnap.

16. If housewives got salaries at the going rate for doing household chores, they would on average earn £30,000.

17. For the first time in US history, more than one in every 100 American adults is behind bars.

18. 23% of plastic bags used in the UK are from Tesco.

19. Prison pay is on average £9.60 a week.

20. The average midweek bedtime is between 10pm and 11pm.

21. Short men are more likely to be jealous.

22. Toasters are banned in Cuba.

23. The most frequently used term of abuse in schools is "gay".

24. Men eat more Brussel sprouts and broccoli than women.

25. Lions were kept in the Tower of London in the 14th century.

26. Up to one quarter of the sand on shorelines can be composed of plastic particles.

27. It costs $100,000 to hunt a rhino in South Africa.

28. The Olympic torch is designed to withstand winds of up to 65km an hour and stay alight in rain up to 50mm an hour.

29. Each year 40,000 people pay homage at the California garage where the founders of Hewlett Packard started out.

30. Smells can drift across the Channel.

31. The language of space is English.

32. There are 109 journeys between London's Tube stations that are quicker to walk.

33. A severed finger tip can grow back naturally.

34. The most common "combination craving" for a pregnant woman is pickles and peanut butter.

35. Punch and Judy puppeteers are called professors.

36. Some 1.3 million unopened yoghurt pots are thrown away each day in the UK.

37. The Ministry of Defence has amassed 160 files on UFOs, containing details of 8,000 sightings.

38. Sloths aren't lazy.

39. Brain chemical oxytocin makes us trust strangers with money.

40. You can lessen jet lag by not eating.

41. Women are banned by law from Mount Athos in Greece, home to 20 monasteries.

42. One of the earliest Mars Bars was pineapple-flavoured. It flopped.

43. Biscuits are key to clinching deals.

44. Syria has the world's largest restaurant, seating 6,014 diners.

45. Pigs can suffer from mysophobia, a fear of dirt.

46. A petaflop is a measurement of computing speed equivalent to one thousand trillion calculations a second.

47. Schools influence the smoking habits of young people.

48. A bespoke garment does not necessarily need to be handmade.

49. A Volvo can accommodate 13 people.

50. The Royal Family costs the equivalent of 66p per person in the UK.

51. An income of £13,400 is required to enjoy a minimum standard of living in the UK.

52. Everton, Aston Villa and Fulham are among the football clubs that were created from Sunday schools.

53. Pears sink while apples float.

54. A monsoon is a wind, rather than rain.

55. Young teenagers are drinking less and consuming fewer drugs.

56. White Americans are 14% more likely than other ethnic groups to survive cancer.

57. Faking one's death is known as pseudocide.

58. Having fat friends increases your risk of obesity.

59. Bees act in a similar way to serial killers.

60. Liz Taylor has broken her back five times.

61. Robins only became a symbol for Christmas in the 19th Century, when postmen - who mostly brought mail at Christmas - wore scarlet waistcoats and were known as Robin Redbreasts.

62. Pet dogs can catch human yawns.

63. Mills and Boon still publish at least one sheikh romance a month.

64. A rooftop luggage carrier increases fuel consumption by 20%.

65. A 72oz steak is about the size of a large telephone directory. And since 1960, 8,000 people have managed to eat one - plus all the trimmings - in under an hour.

66. Misheard song lyrics are known as mondegreens.
More details

67. Twenty-three wedding cakes were made for the nuptials of Charles and Diana.

68. Shetland is the fattest part of the UK.

69. E-mail addresses beginning with "A", "M" or "S" get more spam than those starting with "Q" or "Z".

70. You can dive from 35ft into 12in of water - and only suffer bruising (with a lot of training).

71. Baseball was played in Surrey in 1755.

72. Portraits of famous people often look like the painter instead.

73. Texting impairs drivers more than alcohol.

74. Kenyan women eat stones.

75. The ideal drive is 16 minutes long.

76. Henry V invented passports.

77. Bradford and Bingley has registered the raising of the bowler hat as a trademark.

78. There are two £1m banknotes still in existence. Nine were made after World War II.

79. The word "unbepissed" means "not being urinated on".

80. Goats wear condoms.

81. The world's longest insect is 56cm long.

82. Prince Charles could have had a cameo in Doctor Who.

83. Gay couples can't commit adultery.

84. Stars make noise.

85. The United Arab Emirates, along with the US, has the largest ecological footprint per person.

86. There's a town in Uruguay called Fray Bentos.

87. Barack Obama supports West Ham.

88. Saddam Hussein's yacht had an escape tunnel leading to a submarine.

89. The QE2 does 49 feet to the gallon.

90. The song Two Little Boys was probably about the American Civil War.

91. On the Buses star Reg Varney opened the UK's first cash dispenser.

92. Camel urine is sought after for its medicinal effects in India's Bihar state and sells for £1.34 a litre.

93. Police use curry to hasten the re-emergence of swallowed drugs.

94. The 999 emergency number was chosen over 111 because telegraph wires rubbing together in the wind transmitted the equivalent of a 111 call.

95. The Sydney Opera House was inspired by a peeled orange.
More details

96. A street light costs about 15p a night to keep lit.

97. Emily, of Bagpuss fame, was paid with a bag of sweets.

98. Councils are banning number 13 houses on new developments.

99. Sneezing can be a sign of arousal.

100. Leonard Cohen's original Hallelujah has more than 80 verses.

Thursday's Quote of the Day

09:36 UK time, Thursday, 1 January 2009

"Being busy and not sitting still for too long is the key" - Jenny Pelmore on the secret of her longevity as she and twin sister Betty Richards turn 101

What a heart-warming New Year tale. Seeing in their 101st birthday together, the UK's oldest twins reflect on their extraordinary feat. "Keep smiling" is their tip but they think they have also drawn strength from each other. They still holiday abroad together and live only doors apart in Truro, Cornwall.

Your Letters

15:43 UK time, Wednesday, 31 December 2008

Is there a word for one of the most-read stories of the day being the ? Kismet?
GDW, Edinburgh

"To ensure the Sun remains overhead at noon" - isn't that rather presumptuous ()? I would have thought, more modestly, that adding an extra second was more designed to ensure our clocks reach noon when the sun is overhead.
Geoffrey, Rome, Italy

A bit of quasi-Cabbaging: clearing out the attic and found a printed page of the original . Any reason why it wasn't brought back this year - I have plenty of stress that needs unloading.
Jordan Dias, London, UK

Obvious story alert! . Isn't that what they do when they're not in captivity, or am I missing the point?
Gary H, Telford

I'd like to wish all my fellow Monitorites a very happy new year. May the length of your celebrations be measured in double-decker buses.
Adam, London, UK

Paper Monitor

12:14 UK time, Wednesday, 31 December 2008

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Seen anything good in the papers?

'Cause none have arrived at Monitor Towers. The only newspaper to hand is a dog-eared copy of the Times bought to pass the time on Paper Monitor's morning commute.

There's a picture of a beaver. Shhhh! Who's that giggling in a juvenile fashion down the back?

Is it Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer? (They're from the Nineties, young people.) It may well be, for the pair are back.

"Should auld comedy characters be forgot, and never brought to mind..." says the Times' TV reviewer, devoting much of his column to last night's retrospective mockumentary and 15th anniversary edition of their Shooting Stars panel show. "It came as no great surprise that the clips from the old ones were the best."

Paper Monitor, personally, lost it at the old clip of Bob Mortimer in Ray Mears mode, wearing extra short shorts and surviving in Epping Forest.

But the paper concludes - hitting the nail firmly on the head with a frying pan - "Remember lads, a comeback special is just for Christmas, not for life."

Flipping through a colleague's copy of the Guardian, there is another Shooting Stars review by the ever-masterful Nancy Banks-Smith, who opines that it was "an object lesson in never going back".

And, as ever with a Banks-Smith column, there is an observation - nay, a universal truth - that Paper Monitor hopes to pass off as its own one day: "... fly buttons are crucial to a man wishing to avoid tedious explanations in the magistrates court".

We are, truly, not worthy.

Wednesday's Quote of the Day

09:34 UK time, Wednesday, 31 December 2008

"Nathan... holds the tissue to his nose, breathes in, then closes his mouth and blows his nose. Good boy, Nathan!" - Lesson from campaign to encourage children to use tissues

Children should not blow their noses on their sleeves but apparently schools need a bit of help getting this message across - in the form of a campaign called Sneezesafe. It's sponsored by Kleenex. How public-spirited of them.

Your Letters

15:17 UK time, Tuesday, 30 December 2008

I thought Chicago was supposed to be famous for ? This doesn't sound very organised to me.
Adam, London, UK

Re: Arrests over Israeli embassy demo. The question has to be asked: what was the policeman in this story doing whilst his was being set alight?
Matt, Croydon

Fi (Monday's letters), it isn't a list of outstanding achievers, it never claimed to be.
Helen, Norwich

Adrian (Monday's letters) - yes, you've offended me! Happy New Mac Year to the rest of us.
Susan, Brisbane, Australia

Quiet today, innit?
Alan, London

Paper Monitor

10:04 UK time, Tuesday, 30 December 2008

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

The dust has settled and the aftermath of the Christmas aftermath is now apparent.

The Daily Mirror reveals that Nigella Lawson has caused a jump in semolina sales after including the ingredient in a Christmas recipe. The Mirror, not one to blow its own trumpet, waits all the way until the end of paragraph one before revealing that this recipe was in the Mirror.

On the front of the Daily Express they're sensitively handling a public health story with the screamer headline: "KILLER FLU HITS BRITAIN". It's not like they've taken this tack before, is it?

Further inside the paper there's a reader offer for all those people who just can't get the smell of rancid turkey off their hands - a "stainless steel soap". Paper Monitor hates to admit its ignorance but it was unaware that rubbing your hands under cold water against such a bar would remove the odour of garlic, fish, or anything else. Like wow.

Sadly washes this offer under cold water. "The shape of a soap bar is purely decorative and any piece of stainless steel, such as a spoon, can be used for the same purpose." So no need to actually spend £12.95 in these straitened times.

And it being the Christmas aftermath, it's prediction time for at least the next week. One is based on the Environment Agency's rather serious sounding report on future water shortages in the UK.

There's only one way to illustrate this for the Daily Mail - "LESS WATER THAN EGYPT". Just in case you haven't got that, there's an atmospheric picture of the Great Pyramid at Giza with a chap on a camel and some desert.

The post-Christmas aftermath is also a time when people think about dieting. Many have mixed feelings, and the Mail illustrates this delightfully.

Page 15 lead - "HAPPINESS IS HAVING A SIZE 14 FIGURE - POLL BOOST FOR THE CURVIER GIRL". Page 16 blurb - "THINK YOUR WAY TO A FLAT TUMMY - DAY TWO OF OUR NEW YEAR DIET PLAN".

So that's settled then.

Tuesday's Quote of the Day

07:36 UK time, Tuesday, 30 December 2008

"I can't see myself and Michelle pursuing this relationship" - Vince Acors downplays the prospect of romance with his co-accused

So the cynics are right. Apparently, being accused of having sex on the beach in Dubai - which Acors vehemently denies - and serving time in jail is not the right way to start a relationship.

Going Postal III

15:56 UK time, Monday, 29 December 2008

pillarbox203.jpgFor those whose short-term memory has been addled by Christmas indulgence, we sent out 25 Christmas cards to Magazine readers on the last day of second-class post before Christmas to see how many would make it before the big day.

By the Royal Mail's own deadline - Christmas Eve - all but two had arrived and been accounted for. Ominous by their absence were the cards to Kerry Horgan and Natalie Ellis. Kerry's card finally flopped onto the doormat on the morning of Saturday 27 December.

Natalie, of Bradford, meanwhile, has yet to be in touch. If you're reading this Natalie...

Your Letters

14:46 UK time, Monday, 29 December 2008

Re: Faces of the Year - the . Why are people like Cheryl Cole, Fern Britton and Fiona Shackleton (amongst others) included in this list? Surely, Ellie Simmons and Rebecca Adlington are two of the outstanding female achievers of 2008, who should be at the top of the list.
Fi, Gloucestershire, UK

" operator Camelot said the difficulties affected those buying in-store or via its website." That would be everyone buying a ticket, then.
Angus Gafraidh, London UK

I am assuming that the mythical are responsible for some of the MM's correspondent's mail going missing..."Later sets will feature mythical creatures such as mermaids, post boxes, eminent Britons, Royal Naval uniforms and the fire service."
Fiona Redman, Bali, Indonesia

Re: new stamp designs. "Later sets will feature mythical creatures such as mermaids, , eminent Britons, Royal Naval uniforms and the fire service." Post boxes are myths. That's why those last few Going Postal cards didn't arrive then I guess.
Jamie, Newport, UK

A contender for stating the in with the line: "It is mainly criminals and drugs traffickers who are behind the car thefts in Rio." Criminals? Stealing Cars? Never!
Michael, Birmingham

A slightly skewed version of .
PC, Silverstone

Can I wish all the contributers happy New PC Year or will that offend someone
Adrian, West Midlands

Paper Monitor

13:18 UK time, Monday, 29 December 2008

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Hard news tends to be thin on the ground at this time of year, leaving the media to fall back on old faithfuls. But Paper Monitor can almost taste Times' writer Valentine Low's ennui at being handed the story of Prince Edward allegedly hitting a dog with a huge stick.

The whole episode is like one long stifled yawn.

"As festive traditions go," runs the opening paragraph, "it is as integral a part of the Christmas holiday as turkey leftovers and high street sales..."

That's the spirit - believe and the world will believe with you.

"This year it was the turn of the Earl of Wessex..."

Attaboy Valentine, you sell that story hard.

"The rumpus had all the usual elements of the annual Royal-Family-as-heartless-barbarians fixture."

What? You're still reading? Haven't you got better things to do like sculpt the hardened goose fat in that unwashed baking tray into a monolith, or break off some hardened wax from the Christmas dinner table candle holders.

Such a post-modern approach might suit your news-weary Times subscriber but these stories are a tabloid's bread and butter. And when it comes to the theatre of news, Paper Monitor is more a fan of pantomime than Pinter.

Over to the Mail: "Edward faces probe after lashing out at dogs."

"Prince Edwards could face an RSPCA investigation after he was accused of setting a 'sickening example'..."

The Express: "Animal lovers in uproar as Edward 'beats Labrador' on a shooting trip"

Kerching!

Monday's Quote of the Day

10:01 UK time, Monday, 29 December 2008

"She may be a star but she is not beyond the law" - Police source after Linda Lusardi dialled 999 because she was late for panto

Stuck in a traffic jam on the M25 on her way to a pantomime performance, ex-page three girl Linda Lusardi decided to call the emergency services to ask if she could use the hard shoulder. Permission was unceremoniously refused.

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