大象传媒

Could be worse. As the Guardian trumpets, 'Americans increasingly obese, hooked on plastic surgery and living by the sea, census shows'. Not falling into any of these categories I clearly must endeavor to pull my socks up.

Alas poor PM. And good for you for recognising that being isolated is the best course of action.

Unlike the manager at our place, whose wife had come down with the norovirus last night and he, although he'd felt ok when he came in, was starting to feel a bit poorly and might go home soon. So he came round to tell everyone, rather than, ooh, sending an email from his desk.

If I come down with it over Christmas, I hope his name is one of the 1,900 redundancies our parent company announced last week. ;-)

Blimey PM, you need to get some more vitamins in you! This is the second time you've been ill recently. I suggest a trip to the supermarket to stock up on your fruit and veg, less curries and pizzas in future!

Alas, the past cannot be fixed, get well soon, PM and don't go infecting Caption Competition or 7 days or my end of week procrastination will be severely hindered!

This from AP in New York: 'Santa gets parking ticket while delivering toys'.
He yelled "Ho! Ho! Ho!" to get the traffic agent's attention because the 4x4 was protecting the horse-drawn carriage from which he was handing out toys and candy canes on Black Friday. But in his words, "This grinch just went ahead and fined me." Police won't comment.

Well, at least we now know that PM is a man. A woman would have struggled into work anyway, not stayed in bed, complaining that they were dying. Pah! Man flu!

Tough luck, PM. It is doing the rounds where I work. Fortunately not me (yet). People are being sensible for once and working from home or just concentrating on getting the thing out of the way.

At least these people aren't quite as bad off as originally thought...

The bummer is that you can be infectious for three weeks! Had it back in October. Have a good christmas anyway.

There's only one thing for it, PM -

Porridge!

Get well soon.

#5

I wouldn't be so sure...

Hey, PM. Have you got a digital camera? Perhaps a picture of you poised decorously over the Big White Telephone can come to replace that generic 'girl on a bender' picture that has become a staple of the 大象传媒 Newsroom. In the meantime, heed government advice and remember your hand hygiene - we don't all want your nasty germs! I guess we won't be seeing you tomorrow either, so come on guys and gals - let's write a column!!

Therapeutic #11, good idea! We can take a paper each and provide some witticisms on PMs behalf. Better not do too good a job though, with all these redundancies at the moment, we wouldn't want PM to be struck off!

Glad tidings PM - Thumbing through my Pulse magazine (I work in a GP Surgery) the headline that caught my eye is..... "NOROVIRUS - 10 Top Tips"

Key points are
1. Main symptoms is sudden onset of nausea and vomiting - I guess you already knew that
2. The illness usually last for 48 hours - something to look forward to
3. Don't go to hospitals as you are very infectious - should you fall under the wheels of a bus please do not forget to tell the attending paramedic to patch you up and send you home
4. The is no treatment - oh dear
5. Use good hand hygiene - probably too late for yourself with this one, but don't be selfish.
6. Stay off work for 48 hours after symptoms have resolved (you should be able, with some theatrical belching etc, to swing it to the new year)
7. Avoid preparing food - see 6 above

There are some more but they are all aimed at GPs and far too boring for this forum.

Get well soon! x

Best wishes, PM. Use the time you're ill to rest and relax as much as possible. Keep warm. Sleep lots. Drink lots of hot tea and orange juice (but not together - eww).

And just think -- after you finish being sick, you get to wash every single surface in your flat so you don't reinfect yourself or others!

Poor PM; norovirus is the pits.
Try letting some cola go flat and chilling it. If you sip that and nibble on some pretzels you'll soon restore your fluids balances. Get well soon.

Here's a silly story for you:



which contains the immortal quote '...after concluding that 鈥淗appy Birthday Adolf Hitler鈥� was an inappropriate use of icing sugar. '

It's Wednesday (in the UK) and just in case dear PM hasn't crawled into the office, I thought I would offer you the results of some research that casts a whole new light on the human condition. According to scientists who have spent considerable time, effort and money in these difficult financial times, we now know that "Newborn babies cry if they are unable to communicate" (. Well, you can imagine that I almost fell off my chair with astonishment. Who would have thought, eh? It made me glad that whilst people are losing their jobs and their homes are being repossessed, people are dying from terrible diseases and anybody who reads the Daily Mail will tell you we are going to hell in a handcart, we can face Christmas with a spring in our step knowing at last why the baby is crying. God bless us one and all.

Courtesy of the Daily Telegraph, an intriguing (and entirely serious, of course) piece of journalism on the link between the Six Nations rugby results and the life expectancy of the current Pope:

We need Gordon Brown to call an election but he will not because he knows that he will lose and be out of a job. We need the media to unite and force the issue of a general election