Paper Monitor
12:45 UK time, Monday, 30 March 2009
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Oh dear.
Oh dear, oh dear.
We've all done embarrassing things in our life, but few can have had a day like Richard Timney, husband of the much-troubled Home Secretary Jacqui Smith.
For there are few who, after being caught watching porn, have to face the serried ranks of the media outside their house.
And the papers are having so much fun they don't even know where to start.
The Sunday Express takes the credit for the original scoop, but the Daily Express today could be accused of hiding its light under a bushel a bit. It chooses not to mention that Television X - one of the channels that Mr Timney might potentially have been watching - is owned by Northern and Shell, which owns the Express papers.
Indeed the Daily Telegraph seems convinced that it was Television X and suggests the programmes in question might have been the colourfully named Raw Meat 3 or By Special Request.
After going with a fairly lively headline - "WHY WOULD YOU WATCH PORN WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED TO A BLAIR BABE?" - the Sun then plays it disappointingly straight. In the entire piece on Ms Smith's expenses, the only bit it thinks worth highlighting is an 88p BATH PLUG, which it emboldens.
It has a bit more fun a couple of pages later, suggesting that Jenson Button may have had some sort of liaison with his girlfriend immediately after winning the Melbourne grand prix.
It's a case of "POLE POSITION", "post-race debriefing", "made his way around some extra curves", "he fancied popping a second cork", and sundry other strained "witticisms".
And where would the Sun be without captions like "breast of British" or a picture of Kelly Brook with the headline "KEL'S SEA CUPS"?
But a few pages later it has a scare story about the "pornification of our kids" with the quote: "The girls have big boobs or they're skinny and very pretty - you feel you have to look like that to be attractive."
Err, we're a bit confused now.
The 
