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Musical chairs? You aint seen nothing yet!

Nobody accepted our invitations, but some of these are so wooden, nobody'll notice

BAFTA's getting DAFTA

I blame it on these new fangled flat screen TVs

The revamped shooting gallery was very popular

Don't worry - the computer whizz-kids will make this look like a real audience

Who's the inflated one?

"It was Patsy Kensit in the bathroom with the candlestick."

Work began on the world's largest game of Guess Who

Everybody sitting near Jonathan Ross was provided with a fan

Are you sure you want to Andrew Sachs here instead?

"An Evening with Fred Goodwin" looked like being very popular

And there's a photograph of a red carpet in the foyer

Roll up, Roll up. Come and take a chance, knock three down and win a goldfish!!
£1 for five balls roll up, roll up.

Blimey these celebs look even thinner in real life!

The silent auction was about to begin

Until the infestation could be sorted out, everybody was provided with swatters

Suzie knew that the credit crunch was biting everywhere, but weren't people going to notice?

CEO's dream board meeting

The credit crunch hits the Baftas.

With falling standards of literacy, it's the only way that some of this lot can find their seat

I really want to sit him next to Rennee Russo, or Roger Rabbit, but they're not coming this year...

Is there anybody out there?

If only they are this well behaved and quiet on the night!

Preparations were being made for the long anticipated announcement that "The Woodentops" was making a comeback....

With the price of cinema seats these days, nobody could afford to attend

Definition of celebrity:-

Two dimensional, stick thin, big headed.

Pics on sticks of a bunch of prformers

And what do you have to trade for her?

After the tip-up seats' springs were tragically set to maximum, most of the celebrities were never the same again

Clare was mortified that she'd been spotted doing the "this-one's-too-expensive-now" manouvre.....

At Equity's annual convention, a group of top celebrities vehemently denied rumours that that are two dimentional.

The G20 demonstrators' placards had been recycled and put to good use

Cynthia just couldn't shake the feeling she was being watched

So @StephenFry had asked to us just leave his iPhone placed between @Wossy and @Dot?

Desperate for friends, she decided to improvise.

Quick, take my picture with her

Go fish

No celebrities turned up after a financial shortfall meant the BAFTA's were held in the Regal Cinema in Heckmondwike

The "Pick the Celebrity You've Heard Of" competition was off to a flying start...

Patsy Kensit here

"lets remove Dot from this scene, save on her royalties"

"Can you picture it?"

"And I expect you to have all of them memorised by tea time."

From this range it was reckoned that June Brown could still get Graham Norton in the back of the head with the popcorn.

In between rehersals, the cast indulge in a giant game of Guess Who

The search for the next Apprentice...Continues...

I'm a celebrity. I have got out of here.

Is yours wearing glasses?

Yes

Does yours have brown hair?

No

Does Your have a hat?

Yes

Is yours Maureen?

...

Sogood Sofas try to disguise the fact that all their seats are exactly the same by giving them celebrity names

Some of the celebriites were so unintelligent they had to be told to remove the sticks before sitting down

The game of battleships was much more fun when you could sink celebrities you loathed

Celebrity Squares suffers from quantity over quality.

And at the latest Equity AGM we once again accept apologies from 'absent friends'.

Sally hopes that, even with the auditorium half empty, those on the stage won't notcie that none of the guests have actually turned up.

Woss up, Dot?

I'm not sure about this. Has Dot Cotton got any grand children Jonathon Woss can make comments about?

There was just no future in these Agincourt reunions

"And, to further cut costs, the winners will be posted a photograph of a trophy."

DIY flash mob

Deirdre had told them that it wasn't a good idea holding the BAFTA's on the same night at "Britain's Got Talent"

These run throughs ensured there wouldn't be the unpleasantness of previous years, when Jimmy Krankie was placed next to Gary Glitter.

Following Patsy's divorce from Jim, June Brown now next to one Kerr.

Too many brunettes in this row I'm afraid

Unofficially she was known as 'Chairman of the Bored'.

The ´óÏó´«Ã½ have come up with a cunning plan to ensure no untoward remarks are made during live shows.

"An audience with Jim Davidson" was not going quite to plan

Stop! We'll have to start again and put all the short people at the back. Have you seen how low the ceiling is back there?

On board the ship that launched a thousand faces....

"Well, would they turn up if we offer a daily allowance?"

Hogwarts stages BAFTA's

Davina McCall's appearance on the second row is sponsored by Garnier Nutrisse.

...and the pack says that with enough sunlight and water, a beautiful crop of celebraties should grow

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

The Cannes Jury? No, this is the canned jury.

A hung jury? No, but most of this lot should be.

As a fan of Fawlty Towers, Dot Cotton could stand being next to Jonathan Ross any longer

"Im sure the lad behind me just grabbed my......"

The fans were provided in case Jonathan Ross started sounding his r's

The deadly plague, which only affected minor celebrities, was beginning to have an effect

"As their inflated egos wouldn't fit in the room, this was the best solution for the British Television Awards"

Pick me...Pick Me

BAFTA regretted organising the event south of the river after 11.00 p.m. without laying on special cabs

Jenny was beginning to think she misunderstood the interviewer when he said she would 'handle high profile celebrities'

Due to a misprint on the secretary's instructions, the invitations had not been sent out to minor celebrities, but to famous colliers

"And hosting tonight's awards ladies and gentlemen...well, lets just say he's a real card...."

This was going to be some speed-dating evening

"Don't blame me, its the alphabet that put Sachs next to Ross"

Gives the term 'head shots' a whole meaning.

Jonathan Ross was said to be delighted that June Brown was to be sat next to him. '
How could I possibly upset that chain smoking, old trout?' he stated earlier today

Now grown up, Carol was still working as the Test Card Girl.

So many candidates standing for election was getting so confusing ...

This way, the permasmiles would shine through the disappointment of losing.

Right..so that's Alexa Chung next to Patsy Kensit, then Dot Cotton, Jonathan Ross.. What's that? Oh FEARNE Cotton?!

Deirdre was in charge of ensuring that the seating arrangements guaranteed a good ratings-winning punch-up during the ceremony

Come on, darling, I need more pathos in this moment. Where's the drama?

"Who goes, YOU decide"

Celebrity Guess Who begins.

Question 1: Does your celebrity habitually date pop singers, smoke like a chimney or regularly offend anyone with a beating heart?

They weren't quite sure how Alistair Darling's Budget was going to go this year so they thought best take precations and guarantee a crowed!

Madam Tussauds admits times are hard...