Paper Monitor
11:27 UK time, Wednesday, 22 April 2009
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
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Gordon Brown is no Arnold Schwarzenegger, but for the sketch writers of Her Majesty's press Tuesday's prime ministerial "to camera" address (see embedded video) on the Downing Street website, about MPs' expenses, presents a chance to see who can best ape ().
In Mr Brown's case, it's not his muscular frame our keen-eyed observers are sharpening their focus on, rather his uncomfortable efforts to crack a smile while trying not to be dull and motionless.
For the Guardian's Simon Hoggart, it is , in a doomed attempt to reassure them... It is meant to be a friendly smile even if it is almost as scary as anything Hannibal Lecter might come up with."
Hoggart goes on to summon the image of a supply teacher in charge of an anarchic classroom and thinking "poor fool, that he might be able to win them over by sheer niceness".
For the Daily Mail's Quentin Letts, it is the smile of Herbert Lom. Herbert Lom? The actor who played chief inspector Dreyfus in the Pink Panther movies
[Mr Brown's] lips stretched wide into an inexplicable smile. His head jerked. He practically chuckled, reflexive to some deep-boned impulse... Had someone sprinkled itching powder in his smalls?"
At the Times, Ann Treneman notes he was .
Unable to avail itself of the services of a sketch writer, Metro just opts for a spot of in-story editorialising, identifying how Mr Brown was "like a Video DJ about to introduce the next track on an MTV show".
Sadly, when the ball is passed to the Independent's Simon Carr to show his flair in this particular arena, he removes it and plants it among at the Home Affairs Select Committee kick about.
The Daily Telegraph meanwhile seems to have vanished from Paper Monitor's desk. Maybe it's been nabbed by an over-eager tennis fan inspired by the in his commentary on Wimbledon's new Centre Court roof, about how the paper makes ideal reading matter for disappointed fans of the sport.
"The cover of...Watching the English, by Kate Fox... shows a couple sitting in a completely empty Centre Court beneath an umbrella, bored out of their minds and - not entirely by coincidence [as ever, Paper Monitor's italics] - reading a damp Daily Telegraph".
Meow.
The 
