´óÏó´«Ã½

Gordon Brown dresses up to try to win over voters in the 2023 General Election

I thought you said we were going to meet a real cowboy? Oh, now I understand...

Why's he speaking Polish ?

Gordon Brown was also trying to win votes by dressing up as Postman Prat

We can do it? I think the little boy on the left already has.

He can't be a real builder, daddy says he can't even speak Polish.

But the kids said they preferrd him in Men Behaving Badly

I don't like Bob ...he's so big-headed

Most people find that a good, dependable builder is indeed something of fiction

With the housing slump Bob was reduced to trying to steal candy from babies.

"Cup of tea Bob? I warn you its pretty strong..."

Lord Sugar launches his new further education and apprentice scheme.

The local council try to tell Class 1C in a friendly and humorous manner that they're pulling down their school so they'll have to travel eighteen miles across town to a new one

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Bob was obviously pleased when the itching powder began to take effect

"... and a vodka and orange squash for the lady in the pink tights... okay, got it. Back in a minute..."

It's the only way we can get kids to pay attention when Ed Balls makes a visit.

And, with David Cameron's wonderful new range of policies, the Conservative party can fix anything

(little boy at left) My Mummy has a funny saying about blokes with big shoes

Evidence that when choosing his workforce, Bob showed favouritism to the Freemason

"Mummy, has he got his CRB clearance?"

´óÏó´«Ã½ confirms that Wogan's replacement will be aiming for younger listeners

I don't know about Anne Robinson but he's definitely had plastic surgery.

Come off it! You don't need to ask him for his CRB documents - I've seen him on television.

"Yes it`s definitely gangrene son,but not to worry, I`ll have that leg off in no time." Now where did I put my saw?.

Whilst the other children looked on in awe, little Suzie's eyes wandered to the half built Olympic Stadium in the background

So Joey takes the staple gun and attaches Mr Smith to the dry wall, then Sukie and Chloe grab the fairy cakes and make a run for it whilst Jenny creates a diversion. Are we clear? Right!

Nursery schools introduce a new "Preparing for life" class - these children have had to sit still and wait over six hours for Bob to turn up

For the last time, NO WE HAVEN'T GOT ANY SPARE CHANGE!

As Bob displayed the extent of his hand injuries, he was mainly met with bland indifference.

Can you manage Bob? 'Cos I hear Scotland are looking for a manager.

And that Lexi is the difference between a chisel and a screwdriver

Well, I'm up for it, but which one of us are you actually proposing to?

Welcome to Junior Build a New House in the Country

Too late, Neil desperately tries to drum up business for his pub in Laugharne

And what do we want for Christmas? Power tools!

Gordon Ramsay discovers why the Petrus rebuild is taking so long

Ignore him Chloe, no way he's got a Ferrari..

Can you explain exactly what happens when you mix Absinthe with Ribena ?

And remember, kids, every project is an opportunity to buy a new tool

Hang on, those tools look exactly like the ones stolen from my Dad's shed

"Sore Knees" Smith reveals himself

So Gareth, let me get this straight, you want a split level tree house, three bedrooms, a jacuzzi and a dungeon, I'll get on it straight away.

And remember, Billy, real men swear really loudly when they hit their thumbs with the hammer

OK, maybe having a stag night the night before the wedding was a bad idea, but can one of you please find the zip on this outfit?

Much to Peter Andre's annoyance, Katie's new boyfriend appeared to be getting on well with their children

Bob wasn't a great builder and had to take up entertaining children after losing his right arm.

"Sorry wee man, this is the redhead summit"

Ok, so which one of you's the mason?

Can I take your order now?

Delighted though they were, one girl merely stared at the time and tutted...

At his hotel in Laugharne, Neil Morrisey sees results of paying the minimum wage

So what have we learned? If you cannot get the Ikea table together using an Allen key, it's smash-to-fit time with the really big hammer.

Sally, looking towards her dad knew the increased cost of materials, the tough economic environment and the inflated costings associated with the advancement of the project beyond the second phase of 'planned restructuring work' reduced the likelyhood of anyone "fixing it". Even Bob the Builder won't finish that dolls house for poor Barbie.

Sir Paul reluctantly went along with the gimmick to sell the remastered box set to a new generation.

Well, I think it was rather nice of the local hospital to send its top NHS surgeon over to give the children a careers talk

"Gissa job"

Now you lot stay here on the naughty stair and Big Bad Bob will go and disassemble their chairs

"...and thats that, Bobs your uncle"

"Stacked shoes and surrounded by shorties .. are you President Sarkozy?"

Teaching the Hokey Cokey might be easier if the pupils hadn't been in the bar first, decided Bob.

No matter how much he needed a pint to quench his thirst, deep down Bob knew the landlord would do anything to stop "that messy builder" coming into the recently refurbished bar and resturaunt.

If you've just joined us on C´óÏó´«Ã½, this is "Strictly Come Dancing Junior" and Len Goodman's grandson is explaining to one of the contestants that he cannot perform a pasa doble to "Mambo No 5"

Well, I think it was rather nice of your builder to call around to explain to the children how to avoid paying VAT

Travelodge regretted employing foreign staff after someone was hired to make the beds

Having cut all his fingers off in a terrible carpentry accident, Bob now lectures on Health and Safety to the builders of tomorrow...

Don't pull the finger. Just don't pull the finger ..

The children were in awe, Elizabeth searched for her nanny, they'd never been so close to one of those working class men before.

The first round of the government's new apprenticeship scheme hit some snags

Gordon's been acting like this ever since he learned that Barrack thought he was "lacklustre"

Try to look interested, girls, you know how cross mummy gets when we conform to our gender stereotypes.

Kieren Fallon had thought he'd successfully dodged the paparazzi for the last 18 months until being caught out at a publicity shoot for Bob.

"But I wanted Tommy from Ground Fooooorce". (sob)

With his antiquated range of tools, and clumsy hands and feet, it was no wonder that Bob only gave a three-day warranty on his work

Great Ormond Street's new knee surgeon was a hit with the patients

.....so by accidentally chopping your arm off and calling one of those accident companies you won't have to worry about the recession. Who's first? I've got my good hacksaw with me.

Right! So if we suspect life threatening cranial pressure, we use the power drill.

"...in fact kids I'm now actually known as Bob The Relationship Builder. I'll tell you, its really staggering what a smile and simple thumbs-up can do for your clients. And for just £139.99, I'll teach you some tricks that those fat cats on the Square Mile don't want you to..."

Bob had learnt his lesson the hard way ... always wear a hard hat when dealing with kids

Then you tell them "i'll be around to look at the leak sometime between wednesday noon and November"

So, your first lesson in Drama School is "Always read the small print when you sign up to do a voiceover for a children's show"

So your saying you can't finish building our sandpit today because those * idiots at the ** builder's merchants can't deliver any more ** sand before the ** weekend ?

Look, I said I needed a plaster, not a plasterer.

Jamie's suggestion that a bodybuilder could help tackle childhood obesity again falls on deaf ears.

The new apprenticeship schemes lowers the age of entry

"Fix That!" sneered Lucy as she snapped the lid back onto the superglue tube.

"...Should I tell him he forgot to put the handbrake on?"

Timmy would always remember the day he met Bob, it would lead to years of psychiatric intervention and a lifelong aversion of steel capped work boots.

"We were told to put on our best clothes cos we were going to meet the President of Zimbabwe." "No, no, kids - that's Bob the Butcher!"

Mummy why is the help talking to me?

Neil Morrissey always said he wanted to bring alive the spirit of Dylan Thomas in his hotel in Laugharne

Mum: "It's all smiles now, but wait till he meets Connor, Callum, Jack and Chelsea."

Luckily, Claridges managed to find a large chipped mug for Bob's weak sugary tea

George adjusts his trouser leg to see if Bob is a fellow member of the Masons and gets the secret acknowledgement back in response.

Bob's news that the toilet was now fixed came a few seconds too late for young Harry

Little Jeremy clearly remembered seeing Daddy's "The Ups and Downs of a Handyman"

Thumbs up, keep on doing good things !!!!

=Dennis Junior=

Although he loved them all the same, Bob still had his doubts about being the true father of his first child.

"Hey Sophie, where do I know that guy in the yellow hat from?"
"Katie, everyone knows him silly. It's President Obama's speech writer!"

"Bob The Waiter
(Can we order it?)
Bob The Waiter
(Yes you can)"