´óÏó´«Ã½

What happened to good old fashioned romance?

With 14 February fast approaching, the inhabitants of Monitor Towers have never been so flattered by all the Valentine's Day communiques from its admirers in PR Land.

In the words of Jennifer Lopez, love don't cost a thing, but there's always a chance there's a bob or two in it. Just as the Monitor documented the trend for "strange, tangential and often unlikely events laid at the door of the credit crunch" in its Crunch Creep, strand, so its attention has been piqued by the tendency among those in the field of public relations to link unlikely events to the feast day of Valentinus himself. Send any examples you see, using the COMMENTS BOX on this page, and warm the cockles of our cynical hearts.

Forget romance, it's a day for ornithomancy, say tourism bosses in Worcestershire... and who should be most interested? Singletons. the first bird one sees on Valentine's Day predicts the type of person you'll marry. Avoid woodpeckers - it means you won't marry. More on this in the .

To spice things up, consider pine nuts instead of Viagra. A press release celebrating the research of naturopathic physician notes how pine nuts from the Siberian Cedar contain oils which provide - how can this be put delicately - potency to men. He goes on to explain the virtues of pine nuts: "My colleagues in Germany who have tested this tell me it's better than Viagra." His natural love potion goes on sale soon.

There's been much written in the papers about Vernon Kay's texting habits and Tesco Mobile is predicting many more of us will be using our phones to convey sweet nothings (you don't say). To help people who suffer from the write-a-text-then-regret-it-as-soon-as-they've-pressed-send syndrome, it has employed Maureen. Maureen is a "romance guru". As you can see in her pictures she has more than a passing resemblance to Barbara Cartland. If you text her she'll be on hand to help you write beautiful, heartfelt poetry. If you're struggling to find the words to say how much you love the Monitor, Maureen might be able to help.

Much of the Valentine PR this year seems to be targeted at singles. The message is clear - fear not oh single one, our product will help you find true love. Step forward Laterooms.com, which conveniently has a solution. Any solo travellers booking a room through them for Valentine's Day will, as their press release states, "have their dreams of sharing a bed with George or Cheryl come true". The company has produced limited edition pillowcases which feature the face of either George Clooney or Cheryl Cole, so you can cosy up to them all night.

That, for now, is all the romance we can take, but please send through any PR efforts you have taken a fancy to. A bonus point if you can write them in sonnet form.

• Bookmark with:
• |
• |
• - What's this?