´óÏó´«Ã½

I've brought Arnold in to terminate benefits

Schwarzenegger? I thought he said his name was Albie Bach.

Yeah, Nick's been spending a lot of time in the gym recently

Questions are to be raised in the house demanding a drug test as Nick shows off the results of his new fitness regime.

We don't have guns here, but i can make a nifty one using my hand

Apparently, he runs an inn - he says he's a publican

He might have been voted Mr Olympia, but I'm known as Mr Earls Court

"Go ahead punk, make my day"

I loved you in that film with Bo Derek, and now you get to live in a house with the same name.

I've lost the key, so he's going to help me break the door down

Oooh - Suits you, Sir...

David: "I'll be back"
Arnie: "I don't think so"

Can you ride tandem?

And this is what I looked like after Ed's first Prime Minister's Questions.

Mr Schwarzenegger is looking for someone to help California get back on its feet, I'll lend him my gun

That number just about sums up Britain, David - "I Owe"

Does my thumb look big like this?

Ok, I'll explain again. Its just like 'rock-paper-scissors' and the score appears on the door behind us. Now, I'm One-nil up... ready?

Just keep smiling for the cameras, Arnie, until someone realises we're here and opens the door

Sam and I haven't trusted robots since our Sinclair Spectrum went up in flames

Out of shot Arnie's PA is getting her coat. She was supposed to arrange a meeting with James Cameron to discuss a Terminator re-make.

Mention Rambo one more time, David, and I'll bust your kneecaps

Cameraman: "So it's a film, two words, with Arnie, No 10 - Got it! True Lies!"

Cameraman: "So it's a film, two words, Arnie, Cameron, No 10 - Got it! True Lies!"

(edited)

So, what's all this Terminator business, then? I'm afraid Sam and I only watch Shakespeare.

And I suppose you've come straight here after rescuing all those poor Chilean miners

The UK cut backs became very apparent with Cameron's cheap imitation gun!

All I've got is the Clegginator

Sorry Arnie, but you've been Quangoed.

Arnie was determined not to fall for the 'pull my finger' gag again

Arnold was still wincing after a meeting with Boris Johnson

DC: And this is NOT Sarah Connor

Due to cutbacks, David and Arnie have to pose outside Number Ten, Nelson Mandela House, Peckham

David suddenly realised he should not have made fun of Arnie's pink tie

David again fails to grasp the concept of horns as briefed earlier

So you were in "Rise of the MacHines"? Personally, I've always been worried about a Scottish rebellion.

Arnie: Do you want me break down the door?
David: No need, the door knobs are inside, you see.

Can I get up onto the same step as you now, Mr. Schwarzenegger?

With the score at 1 - 0, Cameron tried to go 2 up in the 'Pull My Finger and see what happens' finals

Arnie (thinking): I'm the one with the pink tie and he still looks like a girlie man

Arnie: What are you doing, Dave?

Well, I look more like your twin than Danny DeVito

Listen to him, he says he could get me a job at Disneyland if things go pear shaped.

DC (thinking): I'm certainly not your poodle

Wow, thought David, what a Chief Whip he'd make!

Arnie: Is that finger loaded?

Waste of time it's like talking to a Kindergarten cop

Arnie: Yes, Austria is fabulous this time of year

Schwarz 'n' Egger? Sounds like a Bavarian breakfast.

Even the Prime Minister is suffering from spending cuts. He can't even afford to bring the President to England.

Cameron the destroyer meets his role model Conan.

Just swap the pink tie for a yellow one, and Arnie would be ready to star in the Hollywood remake of The Cable Guy.

Smile, you're on candid Cameron

Actually, Arnie, I'm trying to get rid of an infestation at Number Ten - I'm a vermin hater.

SchwarzCam make their debut

In one move his recruitment doubles the average IQ in both Downing street and California.

As Arnie arrived late, David offers him a cocktail sausage left over from the buffet

Actually, we're all actors in our own way, David.

I'm not saying little Florence is a handful, but meet the babysitter.

The terminator looked happy for now, but he had yet to discover exactly where the reset button that Dave was reaching for was hidden.

Blue sky thinking, David, that's what it's all about. Just ask Maria.

So you can't become President because you're an alien? It didn't stop me becoming PM.

And I'm truly sorry about that knife business, Mr. Schwarzenegger. I hadn't realised it was only your film character that couldn't be killed.

In a post-apocalyptic 2029, artificially intelligent machines seek to exterminate what is left of the human race...

Hasn't Thatcher changed?

Cameron ends speculation as to which of the two powerful men was to be next saying "because you're worth it" on a TV advert...

Yes, David, all the London taxi-drivers know me - they all call me Guv

David continued to find cheaper anti-terror alternatives

De Vito was not happy by his substitute for "Twins 2"

The cast of "The Expendables part 2" gathers for their first photo-call.

Why's he here?........Ummm

So you were Mr. Freeze - that's what we're hoping to do to wages and benefits

I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman. (Arnold Schwarzenegger 2003)

As David gave the great news about the 33 Chilean miners, Arnie whispered, "How many's a chillion?"

Arnie: You promised we'd have cigars later.

Hey we have matching hairstyles.

"...and I want congratulate Nick Clegg on a great Halloween costume..."

Who farted? I'll tell you who farted!

"...and I want to congratulate Nick Clegg on a great Halloween costume..." [correction, sorry]

Cyberdyne Systems Corporation's latest development would prove the toughest to defeat

David Cameron reveals his new Information Minister. His first task in the newly created role will be to tackle complaints from disbanded quango members.

What do you mean David "it must be good being a film star" at least being the Prime minister you can write your own scripts

'Cameron', pumping irony.

David Cameron shows Arnie the UK's nuclear deterrent after the latest rounds of defence cuts.

David iwould like to invite you to make a movie with me it's called laughing stock and smoking barrel

Arnie rings Cameron..."Give me your addrerss there"!

An awkward moment as David mocks Arnie's confusion over why they all got evicted in Chilean Big Brother...

"In an effort to deter crime at a young age, I'd like to introduce you to our very own Kindergarten Cop!"

David and Arnie plan this year's pantomime horse outfit : "I'll be back," says Arnie

Muscle bound meets Hustle hound.

But Ed Miliband wasn't worried - he had already arranged a photo-shoot opportunity with none other than Wee Jimmy Krankie

Cameron takes an early lead in the Highest Forehead Competition.

Dave obligingly "bangs" Arnie for the cameras.

As Arnie asks David "Do you have to be born in this country to run it?" David hopes "he is kidding?"

You call me ginger again and i'll shove your finger ...............!

Conman the Etonian.

Due to the unpopularity of the decision to cut child benefits, the Prime Minister decided to make a couple of changes to his security personnel.

The casting call for Terminator 10:Another Judgement Day did not go as well as planned.

David Cameron decides that democracy isn't working and proposes a battle to the death with his "champion" for all who challenge his authority.

We're going to cut the budget deficit, abolish the quangos, raise tuition fees, and reduce tax relief on pensions... and er... apparently, "crush our enemies, see them driven before us, and hear the lamentations of their women".