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It's for Selfridge's? What's this got to do with selling fridges?

Now which handbag do you want to be found in?

Gary's eye's widened as the supporting rod was slipped home.

It's Frank Sidebottom? Are we selling colostomy bags now then?

It's his sidekick.

I think the sex toy department has definitely got this one wrong.

I know it doesn't look like Santa, but we've got to do what Elf and Safety tells us

The CSI team were unable to find a body-bag the right size.

It's part of our Fearless Christmas Heroes display - he's the one who dances with Ann Widdecombe

The display was breathless.

And so, due to an administrative error, all our Santa mannequins have been sent to some store in Southern India

The mannequins are from Topman? If my boyfriend looked like that, I'd top myself.

Trust Harrod's to copyright Santa

Apparently, the design is based on someone called Emmanuel Quinn

OK, who let Tim Burton design this year's grotto?

Press here, and the head spins round - it's an orbital Santa

Apparently, our grotto designer was told he was being made redundant in January

And we've used Jordan as a model for the elves this year

Mannequins? How are these going to sell cigars then?

After the Medusa rampages through Selfridge's, staff attempt to resuscitate shoppers

Mr Right arrived.

Are you sure the kids are going to want a life-size Cliff Richard doll for Christmas?

Staff console out-of-work shoppers who see just what their reduced benefit payments will buy this Christmas

And as another bonus, if you put him in the garden you'll frighten away all the neighbourhood cats.

Sarge, you'd better come down here - we've found another two victims of the Oxford Street Asphyxiator

We may only get one chance at this, so after putting the bag over Osborne's head you need to hold it tight like this.

Yeah, all the shoppers' eyes will be like that when they see how high our prices are

Putting the 'mental' into 'departmental'

Cynthia, these inflatables always have their their nozzles in the same place, watch me this time.

'And tonight, on Celebrity Stars In Their Eyes, Mark Lamarr is...

...The Krankies!'

The slogan was supposed to be "It's a real Christmas at Selfridge's" not "It's surreal Christmas at Selfridge's"

Despite the shop assistant demonstrating out the all new "foot stool" sales are not expected to be high

"Plastic Bag Safety Week" gets off to a shaky start.

Pete Doherty gets the sack ...again

No ...we didn't expect it either but that's inflation for you

And we all thought your boyfriend was only imaginary

".... and this would be the outcome if social-cleansing was applied in London", said Boris

They're made in Japan, and I think they may have overcompensated a little with the eyes

We got them cheap from Madame Tussaud's when they couldn't get Robbie Williams quite right

The new 3D Police e-fits were a big improvement, especially since the lettuce-green hair problem had been solved

I'll tell you this, he won't be going down any chimneys dressed like that

A member of Selfridge's staff suddenly spots a nude shopper

These Tracey Emin fakes will sell like hot cakes over Christmas

Plastic bags can be dangerous. Keep away from babies and children. And pretentious window dressers.

Budget cuts force Top Gear to combine New Stig with air bag.

Search me, at school we just put condoms on bananas

No wonder his eyes are wide open - you're not supposed to fit batteries in this model

Well, I guess if that one is David Cameron, this one must be Ed Miliband?

Handbag shop opens in the Leaning Tower of Pisa

And this one comes with a built in raincoat.

Everyone agreed that the government's latest Safe Sex campaign had gone a little too far

Very wise, Mr Sheridan

Yes Veronica this is how we deal with shoplifters

As Cheryl Cole jets off to LA but days before Saturday’s live performance, X Factor aides start making contingency plans

Sadly, they had arrived a week late for the International Clown Convention

Nonsense - I've seen all the Star Wars films, and he looks nothing like Mannequin Skywalker

Frank Sidebottom on location making his video for his cover version of Rod Stewarts "Handbags and the Plastibags".

Well you would look shabby if you hadn't seen daylight for longer than the Chilean miners.

That'll teach you to complain when the bloke on the checkout asks if you need a carrier bag

This ones been on the drink!

That one has an over inflated ego.

This ones a bit of a let down.

Now listen ...I don't mind you giving them names just stop calling him Osama Bin Liner!

Trousers? ...Check
Shirt? ...Check
Waistcoat? ...Check

we're keeping that one fresh for next year's Apprentice

Big headed, terrible dress sense ...ideal Apprentice candidate I think

Whitehall Personnel Officers demonstrate how they plan to 'mothball' overstaffed departments

Durex were very unhappy that after spending millions on marketing research the only idea they had back from their advertising agency was
a mannequin with a jonny on its head

Morrissey went to great lengths to rotect his hair while not performing.

Morrissey went to great lengths to protect his hair while not performing.

Julio had to keep the dressing on for another couple of weeks, but as soon as it was gone his new plastic surgery was going to make a killing with the ladies...

's a lad dressing

Set designers work on Peter Jackson's controversial update of The Hobbit at Bag End.

Don't be a dummy! Tell us where the loot is or you'll end up like your friend...

Despite increasing evidence, the fashion industry continues to deny that its models promote unattainable body types.

I'm not sure but I think he said, "Take me to your leader."

Bag, Tag and Bobtail

No need to bag this one either - no sign of testicular cancer on any of the small ones so far.

If this mannequin were a car, it would be an Austin-Healey Sprite

These "Where's Wally" puzzles are getting too easy

I told them we needed elves for the Grotto - not Elvis

After complaining of problems with his eyes, Alex Reid unfortunately went to the same surgeon as Jordan

New face of Talk To Frank – looking at his eyes it’s do as I say not do as I do.

Pull yourself together little Frank, we're going to take the giant condom off daddy's head in a minute.

When Mrs Sidebottom asked Frank to bring enough plastic to cover everything, she should have remembered she was dealing with a dummy.

In the world of political correctness,Santa could no longer be a fat old man.

With the latest round of one day strikes by store detectives, looming, staff at Selfridges had come up with a cunning plan.

This isn't just any mannequin, it's an S & M mannequin, one you'd never tire of hitting.

After serious cuts to their spending budget, staff at Selfridges were left feeling deflated.

Come on, it's time to take the rest of Take That out of storage

And that one over there will go nicely with the handbag display

And Boris Johnson insisted we put on a "Kosovo Christmas" display

Mr Humphries was having nothing to do with it, as Miss Brahms attempted to revive an ailing Captain Peacock

A store detective looks the other way as staff beat up an unlucky shoplifter

Blimey, I only said I thought being kissed was a Health and Safety hazard. Hope Bert’s alright..

"I think we'll have to qualify the "Toy Boys" advert - we seem to be getting the wrong sort of enquiries"

It's alright luv, we've sorted out his hyperventilating, now the price I quoted was for an original Louis Vuitton. Mavis, get the smelling salts she's just seen the ticket.

It was all going fine until David Cameron decided today was the day to pin on a poppy.

The Morrissey blow up Christmas love doll, went down like a lead balloon.

EBay sellers pack up Cherie's latest purchases.