Paper Monitor
10:28 UK time, Thursday, 6 January 2011
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Paper Monitor has already bought the new outfit, made an appointment with the hairdresser and cleared the diary for 29 April.
The invitation to the royal wedding, after all, must surely be in the post.
So PM is only slightly disconcerted - social insecurity, of course, being most - to learn in the Times that Clarence House is trimming down its list of invitees to the reception from the 1,900 who will witness the joining of Prince William and Miss Catherine Middleton at Westminster Abbey.
"It's like any other couple," an un-named palace source "There are always decisions to be made when you go through a list of names."
PM is, of course, supremely confident of being in the elite inner group. But to judge by the Daily Telegraph's reaction to the news that Miss Middleton will arrive at the ceremony by car, someone in that particular newsroom will not be attending.
In eschewing a ceremonial coach, Miss Middleton "will break with centuries of royal tradition", splutters the report.
Ingrid Seward, editor of Majesty magazine, that it will be a "great shame" if subjects are unable to gaze at their Queen-to-be in the customary manner:
It's part of the pageantry to see the bride and her father in the glass coach. A car isn't quite the same, is it?
However, the Daily Mail, ever-alert to the scourge of public sector profligacy, seems rather taken with the post-credit crunch protocol.
Miss Middleton "will arrive at Westminster Abbey as a commoner, but will depart as a true princess with all the pomp and ceremony of a traditional British royal wedding", it insists.
"And instead of a formal, sit-down meal," "the guests will be offered champagne and canapes while official photographs are taken".
Paper Monitor looks forward to pocketing sausages on sticks, by royal appointment.
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