´óÏó´«Ã½

Can't wait. Moust dache.

Hair today. Bonn tomorrow.

Facial Herr

It's very fatiguing - I feel like a Knapp

(Ear) waxing and waning

Better stay in, Gerhard - it looks like rain

It may be a bit over the top, but how many times does one lunch with Elton John?

Gerhard always had somewhere to hang his hat

Lederhosen - check, beer stein - check, dust buster for crumb removal - check...

Unfortunately for Gerhard, his dinner companion was a short-sighted big-game hunter who had always wanted the head of a wart-hog over his fireplace

Take that, Tom Selleck...

It's fancy dress - I'm going to spray it green and go as a Christmas tree

Do my gums look big in this?

Herr Knapp was a member of the plain clothes division of the local Police

It started out as a goatee until Gerhard discovered planking.

I'm not sure.... Do you think the medallion makes me look a bit daft?

Should have gone to SpecSavers...

Help me, Doctor - I keep getting this tickling sensation in my ears

Actually, I need it to keep my hat out of my eyes

Having agreed to abandon plans to make radical changes to their cars, Ferrari develop an innovative new aerodynamic package.

The ZZ Top concert, of course. Those birds can really appreciate its finer points...

Gerhard had been a pilot in the Second World War

The hirsute in pursuit of loot

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the hairiest of them all?

If Princess Beatrice can wear it on her head, I'm sure I can wear it on my chin!

Und I've discovered the cure for hat hair. It's all in the art of distraction.

Chewbacca was never the same after he discovered disco.

Gerhard wanted to look smart for the identity parade

Das Furrier

OK, the song's rubbish, but I reckon we can corner the weirdo vote in the Eurovision Song Contest

Gerhard made a point of never travelling by steam engine

And at Christmas time, I hang tiny balls on it.

Gerhard always insisted on having a Corby Trouser Press in his hotel room

Gerhard always wore pink, to stand out from the crowd

I'm a topologist by training, why do you ask?

The beard was perfect for someone with a memory loss - Gerhard could always find out what he had for lunch

I Know What Santa Did Last Summer

This is my Plan B for the end of the world when there are no barbers

Matt Smith travels into the future to see what he'll look like in old age

'Shave the world' indeed

"At least this is one title Pippa Middleton won't win."

And I have a razor sharp wit to match.

That was the last time Gerhard would refuse to pay the surcharge for an inside seat with Ryanair

Why just last week I found a family of ferrets in there

It looked as if Gerhard would have to start shaving twice a day

Only when it was all stuck on did Ken Clarke felt safe enough to venture out of doors.

Since dropping Tiger Woods from their ads, the hunt goes on for the new face of Gillette, unfortunately, for Gerhard, he was not it.

Quick, call Philip Treacey - my fascinator's slipped!

One barman to the other : "I bet he asks for a straw"

At least Gerhard had never got stuck in a doorway

Let's hope they are not serving crusty bread again

Jack Hargreaves, where are they now?

Tony Manero gets ready for a night out in "Saturday Night Beaver"

And I have the requisite number of pieces of flair

The electric razor broke sometime in the 80s, and well, it just took off from there.

Germany's answer to Bruce Willis prepares for the first scene in "Ger Hard 3"

Well, thought Gerhard, that's the last time I put my finger in the light socket.

Whip shape and bristle fashion

This year, he wasn't going to lose the contest by a whisker.

Luckily, whenever Gerhard parked himself, all his moustaches were retractable

Herr Suit

The Queen devises the perfect disguise for popping out for the evening whilst in Ireland

That manure diet was paying off!

Bring me the head of Harry Wheatcroft

"Eight out of ten hats..."

Oh no, thought Gerhard, it's a full moon tonight

...and you said a degree in hairdressing wouldn't get me anywhere.

John Travolta still staying alive..........

Having bought it for £18000 - he didn't realise that he'd put it on the wrong way round.

When I started growing it this suit was still in fashion

Ya...........Vorsprung Durch Technik!

should have gone to spec-shavers

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Gerhard was a hardened criminal until he was caught by the fuzz

My favourite colour? Definitely not braun ...

I must get a new front windscreen for the BMW, thought Gerhard

Gerhard had come to the fancy dress party as a Harley-Davidson

Flúge Mutter! Flúge Vater! Und sie segten dass .........

Unfortunately, Gerhard had seen the WBMC sign and had gone to the West Bavaria Moustache Cutting show by mistake

After the resignation of Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the IMF decided to elect someone more low-profile

Hello Dragons. I'm here to ask for 50,000 euros for a 10% stare in my Company which makes ice skate carriers ...

Ja! After the resignation of Dominique Strauss-Kahn, I'm campaigning to be the new leader of the International Moustache Federation.

It's all thanks to Pilates

Hair Knapp, we're ready to leave

Since splitting from Dave, Chas tried a change of image

Some of you may be asking 'What's the point?', but personally, I blame the Donald for his lack of attention to detail.

Gerhard was in the Guinness Book of Records for holding the highest number of coat hangers in his mouth at the same time

At the thought of attending the Championships, Gerhard was positively bristling with excitement

"Car 57. Please pick up a fare in the name of Knapp from Wrexham station"

Sharpening from the pencil moustache

Gerhard, the man who raised the term weirdy beardy to a whole new level.

Poor Gerhard missed the Championships as he refused to pay for three seats on the plane

Gerhard sports the 'Beatrice' beard.

Nein. Nein. Red buffoon.

When I suggested a goatee, Herr Knapp, I didn't mean you to wear the whole goat

After bearding him in his lair, they went on to moustache Gerhard in his bedroom

Lady Ga-Ga's brother checks into hotel rather than risk sleeping at mother's house

Gerhard had been a Conservative until he heard about all David Cameron's cuts

Now, if only I could get hold of Princess Beatrice’s wedding fascinator hat thing, that would look really really good..

Super-injunctions, at last we can reveal the picture Fred Goodwin wanted to suppress.