Paper Monitor
11:18 UK time, Friday, 16 September 2011
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
It's day two of the fallout over the England rugby team's night out and everything's covered in glorious detail in the Daily Mail and the Sun.
In the Mail, royal correspondent Rebecca English takes charge of a CSI-style piecing together of the scandalous evening of revelry.
She has managed to find one of those "onlookers" that, like "close friends who do not want to be named" and "sources close to the star", seem to be easily corralled even after the event.
Paper Monitor won't name the player at the centre of the story, accused of low-level shenanigans with a woman who was not his wife, but there is some vivid detail from the onlooker.
"They were getting flirty with each other and getting very touchy-feely. Then they went into the doorway, where the girl gestured xxxxxx towards her chest. She pulled his head towards her breasts and she rubbed the back of his head as she did so."
Paper Monitor learns that the word for players' wives and girlfriends in the egg-chasing game is "scrummies".
The bar at the heart of the trouble was called Altitude and the manager has already had to come out and deny that any "dwarf-throwing" went on during the course of the evening.
But the Mail has the following: "Guests can also participate in leprechaun bar wars, and so-called midget-curling, which apparently involves pushing a dwarf along the ground in order to reach a circular target in imitation of the Olympic sport."
Having been ahead of the pack yesterday, the Sun has moved on to some snaps of one of the protagonists bungee jumping.
The Sun has another of those "onlookers" who suggests: "xxxxxx was having the time of his life - he obviously has a clear conscience."
Which instantly makes Paper Monitor think: "Could one bungee jump without a clear conscience?"
The 
