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Are you sure he's drowning out there? I think I'll give him another ten minutes, just to be sure.

What, me? Get out of my nice warm bath just to try and save somebody ... ?

Stop cooking! I know he looks a bit like a lobster, but ...

Whenever we want him to get out and save somebody from drowning, we just turn the heat right up

Throw another lifeguard on the barbie!

You mean they have Comic Relief in GERMANY??

It wasn't the first time this week that Luis Suarez had found himself in hot water!

No, Jurgen, that's the tea urn

In Germany, Lifeguard Thermidor was a very popular dish

Filmcrew of Last of The Summer Wine realise their satnav can't distinguish between Hemfurth and Holmfirth

They fried with their boots on

I'm NOT a lobster. I'm just called Klaus.

He was 32, still living with his parents, and longed for his own place. It was only a bath, but it was start..

Lars had queued all night to be the first to try out das neue Wellness-Center

For sale, one bathroom property in Hemfurth, Germany. Stunning views.

Jack was disappointed with the performance of his boat.

Of course nobody drowns whilst I'm on duty. Well, there isn't enough room in the bath for anybody else.

The influence of The Hoff remained evident long after Baywatch

The Germans show just how desperate they are to film something really funny instead of that drunken butler comedy for New Year's Eve

Derek’s insistence on finding a room with a view of the lake wasn’t going down well with the rest of the family..

The Germans try to replace the New Year's Eve drunken butler sketch with a short clip of Compo running downhill in a bath

What fire? Derek's just spotted a female nudist ...

NINE SWIMMERS DROWN AS LIFEGUARD GETS TOE STUCK IN TAP

The economic crisis puts pressure on this year's Ideal Home Exhibition

At this year's event, the lifeguards will be sponsored by Ackerman's Baths. Well, they had to get a plug in ...

Bathwatch

Last of the Summer Wine meets Top Gear.

Zink der Boots mark?

German authorities concerned as ‘Copy-Cat Cannibal’ becomes creative.

George,are you sure you know how to order Lobster Thermidor in German?

Jurgen had clearly got the hots for one of the female swimmers

Well you said you wanted a downstairs bathroom

Typical! You just get into the bath and someone goes and gets into difficulties ...

Lifeguard gets awarded the "Order of the bath" in the New Year Honours list.

Bath, Humbug!

Strange! All Maximilian ever saves are rubber ducks ...

"Last of the Summer Wine" versus "Hot Tub Time Machine"

Is it on? Sweet!

I thought the Lifeguard Soup was FOR them, not made with them

The swimmers this year? They're an absolute shower!

With three drownings, this year was an absolute bloodbath

The Jacques Cousteau Thalassophobic Society

Unfortunately, Hans' rescue went awry when he slipped on the soap

Thal-Hasselhoff-obic

To improve the lifeguards' success rates, each bath was fitted with an industrial-strength catapult

Heinz was drowning in the soup while Franz was in a lather.

If this event doesn't make more money next year, we'll have to pull the plug on it

Don't give me the soft soap he's not drowning he's splashing.

Aren't you a little tubby to be a Lifeguard?

Are you sure Angela Merkel's drowning? I'll just give her another twenty minutes to be sure.

Is it a jacuzzi? No, Heinz has had beans.

What do you mean, why am I wearing clothes in the bath? Where's my ruddy house got to?

A German Government Information Film about the dangers of inadequately securing your bath

Now we know how Davd Attenborough keeps warm inbetween filming

After seeing this, I have decided the Germans must have a sense of humour after all

When we said you'd get a BMW for working as a lifeguard, Hans, we meant Bath Made Warmer

Having run out of towels, the Germans resort to using baths to secure their places by the pool

The rescue boats left a lot to be desired

German Television announces David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson in ... Bayreuth

Just warning the Saurkraut up

Heinz unveils its new boil-in-a-bath range

The organisers were in for a shock when they returned the next day to find Jurgen had been left overnight at regulo 9

Even in winter Helmut placed his towel to keep his place in the hot tub.

In Germany, "The Last of the Summer Rhine" was very popular

The Atlantic rowers somehow made a wrong turn

The fishing dispute had reached boiling point.

Angela Merkel insists the German economy is still in good shape as she inaugurates the new Rhine ferry service

Listen, don't mention the water! I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it all right.

Hans was still under the impression the cannibals had invited him to launch

Once again, the ´óÏó´«Ã½ Natural History Unit is criticised for mocking up some footage in the studio of lobsters mating, and then suggesting it was filmed in the wild

Three weeks in and Rolf was still glad he didn't get the short straw: beats cycling to the South Pole, he thought.

Life's a beach.

Jürgen began to suspect someone was playing a prank on him when he realised there hadn't been any swimmers all afternoon

The laboratory was still testing whether or not their latest bleach did indeed kill 99.9% of all germs when someone noticed the misprint

And so Brian, the first British amateur astronaut, makes a successful landing.

Fritz was beginning to think they were right. A curry made with beans, spicy frankfurters and sauerkraut was probably not the best meal to have the night before he went on duty as a lifeguard.

I'm not sure the Cut-Price Sauna thing is really going to catch on in Germany.

DIY SOS quick fix open plan bath and central heating sytem

German efficiency's stunning new development: one machine cleans both the clothes and the wearer. A dual dryer is in development.

Well, there might be someone drowning in one of these hot baths. It's my duty to check!

The Flake ad falls victim to health and safety.

Das Boot 2 - this time it's warm!

That was the last time Helmut would let his wife talk him into giving the Grand Designs team free rein over the house improvements.

Olympics organisers deny that the London Olympics will be the "austerity olympics" and unveil lavish new facilities for the officials.

Helmut was desperate to get onto Germany's Olympic Synchronised Swimming team...

German charities hit by baked bean shortage.

ve have vaves of making you talk

Ramsey's new cookery series includes poached lifeguard in a bag recipe.

Ackerman just adored his new Mercedes U-Benz

It's not going to work, thought Guy Gibson. Barnes-Wallis has definitely got this one wrong.

Being warm-blooded,this is the humane method of storing freshly caught lifeguards.

Police cordon off the crime scene as Jean-Paul Marat's body is discovered

Luge designer waits for the right conditions.

I told you we should never have engaged that Polish plumber to install the sauna

A fitting Viking funeral for Roy Clarke

MP lands in hot water for suggesting that white people love a bath.

Originally at an event in the UK, this lifeguard found himself blown dramatically off course.

A preview of "Titanic II - crossing the Atlantic on a budget".

What do you do if your boyfriend starts smoking? Slow down.

#dontwashdirtylineninpublic